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I'm so confused if he likes me after first date or not?? HELP


electricorchid
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I met this very attractive older guy while I was out, organically while passing a restaurant opening in the city where I live. We spoke, there was some flirtacious banter and he asked for me number. We were texting and dming for about about two weeks, Until one monday, he calls me randomly and we spoke for an hour. Turned out he had covid and was in quarantine. We seemed to have some things in common, and conversation went very well.. so towards the end of the call he said he would love to go out to dinner after his recovery and we can celebrate his negative test results together, so I agreed and said "Sounds great, I'd love that!"

We left it at that, a couple days go by and he says he texted negative recently, and that he was wondering If I wanted to go to lunch and shopping with him. For context, he's an extremely wealthy man... he's all over wikipedia and the internet when I looked him up, and he's 16 years older than me. This is not my first time dating someone older than me, and this rich but when he asked me to go shopping, initially I said "Sure! Sounds fun, but not tomorrow let's do on a sunday"  and then as I thought about it, I found it kind of odd that he would go from asking me to dinner to then asking me if i wanted to go shopping with him. AND In my city, when theres an age difference like that.. there's a lot of SD and SB situations here and so that was the first thing that came across my mind. 

So when Saturday came along, (the day before) I told him I actually no longer needed to go shopping but that I'd be more than happy to accompany him shopping for himself etc. and the lunch sounded fine, if not that we could do dinner. And then he said "Dinner works, I actually have a reservation for 4, as my friend is coming into town and you're welcome to join and bring a friend" Once again, I was thrown off because it was so casual of him to invite me so soon to a dinner with him and his friend with ought even getting to know him one on one first. So then I told him "Nvm, Lunch and shopping sounds fine, what time and can you send me your covid test results?" 
After I sent him that, he literally sent me a paragraph telling me He totally understands where I'm coming from but also making all these excuses about how PCR tests are not accurate most of the time. So I canceled and told him no worries! Let's reschedule, see you next year, and didnt texted him again. 

The next day in the afternoon, he texts me a screenshot of his negative PCR (from a clinic called "SAMEDAY" Labs so I don't know if he took this for me), but it's negative and then I thanked him for sending, and when I asked him what his plans were the rest of the day, he asked If I wanted to meet him at his place to walk his dog for a bit and then walk over to a happy hour or a spot for a drink after. I agreed, as I was curious where he lived and what his vibe was..as I was a little intimidated by his status. So I met him, he was in fact so respectful that I almost felt like he wasn't into me. I called him out for asking me out on a shopping date and he thought nothing of it and explained to me that he simply just wanted my opinion for his wardrobe. In fact, after the walk and the drinks he invited me to see his closet and I gave him tips/advice on my thoughts since I work in the field. He seemed to be very open about his past and his life and answered my every question with ease, so I no longer felt intimidated that maybe he was looking for something transactional. But I did feel that when we got back to his apartment he chose to sit across from me and not next to me on the other couch with more space etc. Usually when a guy is interested in me, they'll try to touch me or etc. but I felt like he was friend-zoning me? Which is NOT the usual case I have with men, my problem is usually the opposite and like everyone wants to F*** me the first date and I very rarely ever have platonic guy friends...

Anyway, he insisted I come to dinner again and I declined and said I'd love to do a one on one dinner if he's ever up for it and that I'd much rather him enjoy his one on one time with his friend. When we did say our goodbyes he walked me out of his apartment and he did kiss me on the cheek twice (like they do in europe) and didnt hear from him at all. So I texted him that I got home (even if he didnt ask) & that It was nice catching up with him and to enjoy his dinner! He texted me the next morning super cordial "Thanks for coming out. It was fun seeing you. And thankyou for the fashion advice you gave me with those pants I showed you.. etc." 

In essence, in the past my most successful relationships have come from being friends first, and romantic later. However, It's been a long while since I've just been flat out confused if someone likes me or not. From my description, am I overthinking this? I just felt like due to my age, he may have been intimidated back at me too? I'm so confused. My friend told me to just text him normally but I'm not in the mood and feel that the true test will be if he texts me for a second date so until then, i'm sitting back and relaxing and trying not to care. But I DO like the guy and I AM attracted to him, I just didn't know how to read him to well? Does this happen often? And If you can't read into too well then it may just mean he's not that into me? right? Help guys. (But also be nice)

 

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Have you never had a man be an actual gentleman with you and want a romance and not just jump into the sack asap?

He's being respectful, he wants to get to know you, and for you to get to know him. Have it possibly turn into a romance first before intimacy.

It's a bit scary that you've never had a man treat you respectfully like this before.

 

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I'm sure he likes you. He also is probably not in a hurry and is just going with the flow, letting things come organically. The fact he isn't all over you or trying to screw you is not a bad thing at all. Not all of us men want that. (I had a recent date over, but she was weary bc she didn't want to hookup yet, so I gave her my word I wouldn't, and we didn;t"

 

At risk of annoying some people, men also tend to know that sometimes women like the chase. I for one can attest to that, it seems keeping some distance and leaving you wondering a little early on, tends to attract the woman more. Honestly the othwer way around as well with men wanting women who are not as easy. It's science lol

!

 

I would not stress it, give it sometime and see if it progresses. Also, if you are interested, you can ask him out too ya know!

Edited by EitherDare0
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You expected touching etc?  Yet, you were so uncertain you said from your own end of this.. sounding hesitant ( and not yet meeting for a one on one with him).  I'm a little confused.

IF he is interested, he will keep contact with you.  If you push him away too much he will likely not reach out to you any further.

Things take time, sometimes.  Is not normal to have sex the first time you meet someone.  A real man is respectful with no expectations when you first meet. ( as mentioned).

 

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I dunno, you sound very hectic yourself, you changed his plans 3 times and even turned off dinner plans he suggested. So you both give in confusing vibes.

Also, no, he certanly didnt called you just for your fashion opinions. I am sure they are great but most men arent interested in that. So he probably had at least something in mind. Even though he didnt exactly showed it to you. Weather he wants to continue, that remains to be seen. See if he sends a message or calls and wants to take you out again. 

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5 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

he certanly didnt called you just for your fashion opinions. I am sure they are great but most men arent interested in that. So he probably had at least something in mind. Even though he didnt exactly showed it to you.

I agree. I don't know how old you are, but he is a lot older than you and has been through the dating game many times more than you have. Maybe you find that attractive. But you should keep it in the back of your mind that this guy has an advantage over you in terms of life experience. I always wonder about people who date way younger than themselves. Why do that? It's like shooting fish in a barrel. 

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7 hours ago, electricorchid said:

 the walk and the drinks he invited me to see his closet 

Why did you keep turning down dates and instead go to his place to look at his closet? 

That's just strange frankly. Not that he didn't jump your bones but that you thought wardrobe tips at his place was a date.

If you are interested in someone, even if it's someone who just tries to pick you up and collect numbers, go Out for a date.

Meet in public at a restaurant,coffee shop,pub, whatever but dog walking,closet tips and shopping are not dates.

You came across as rather flaky changing the plans continuously from actual date offers to tips on clothes?

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I think if he is interested in dating you he will ask you out on another date.  Seems like you did an awful lot of pursuing just to get to a first date.  The only sign that matters if you want to know if he is interested in dating you is if he asks you out on a date.  No other sign matters.  

I think you're not overthinking this.  You're overinvested and wayyy too attached to a person you've met twice in your life.  I understand covid delayed the date but personally I would have told the person to contact me when he was ready to make a plan - no reason to get attached through typing to someone you met once. 

Does he "like" you?  He might be attracted to you and like you and not be interested in dating you or available to date you (he may have met someone else at the same time he likes better, he may be more available right now to hire an interior designer or organizer for his closets and wardrobe so that he doesn't need to put in the extra effort for dating, who knows).

Do you want to know if he is attracted to you or do you want to know if he wants to date you?  The first is a bit more for your ego or curiosity I guess. I read what you wrote as more the second question.  Unless and until he asks you out again (he is quite sure you'll say yes given your actions before the first date) then assume as we all should that the first date was fun, good memories, and was the last date forever.  Because that is the reality -without time and place plans for another date there is no other date.  I would not text him for any reason unless you decide you are fine with a chat buddy you can flirt with once in awhile.  

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On 12/28/2021 at 9:59 AM, Rose Mosse said:

You did mention wanting to see where he lived and perhaps look into his home and how he lived? You were nosy. He was looking for sex. He gave you mixed signals at his place after realizing that you’re a bit more grounded and just nosy rather than horny...

You we’re also correct to be wary about having dinner with his friend and the invitation to bring one of your friends. It sounds like a double date and fishing for young vulnerable women. 

Either way aside from your curiosity about where/how he lives and the inside of his home, you did fine to be cautious. 

 

THIS. Is exactly on point to what I felt, I felt that after he saw I was a bit more grounded he then changed the narrative perhaps? Who knows, but I went with my intuition. and yes, LOL I was nosy not going to lie but I shouldn't have been. Going to be more careful next time, I just wanted to see his intentions and it's essentially what everyone else in this thread is telling me, he's just "luke warm", so therefore not putting any more effort into it. He's just doing the bare minimum and it's boring me. 

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21 minutes ago, electricorchid said:

THIS. Is exactly on point to what I felt, I felt that after he saw I was a bit more grounded he then changed the narrative perhaps? Who knows, but I went with my intuition. and yes, LOL I was nosy not going to lie but I shouldn't have been. Going to be more careful next time, I just wanted to see his intentions and it's essentially what everyone else in this thread is telling me, he's just "luke warm", so therefore not putting any more effort into it. He's just doing the bare minimum and it's boring me. 

I'd be careful about what you call "intuition" if it means you're going to a man's home on a first date.  It sounds less like intuition and simply a surface choice of being curious and thinking it sounded interesting/fun.  You can see someone's intentions without going to their place and risking your safety.  If he's not asking you out on a date he's not doing any minimum of anything -he's simply not asking you out on a date.  He doesn't want to date you.  And that's a good thing in this situation.

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2 hours ago, electricorchid said:

THIS. Is exactly on point to what I felt, I felt that after he saw I was a bit more grounded he then changed the narrative perhaps? Who knows, but I went with my intuition. and yes, LOL I was nosy not going to lie but I shouldn't have been. Going to be more careful next time, I just wanted to see his intentions and it's essentially what everyone else in this thread is telling me, he's just "luke warm", so therefore not putting any more effort into it. He's just doing the bare minimum and it's boring me. 

Yes, do follow your intuition and instincts in future. You knew he wasn't quite interested in you as a person and had a sixth sense about it.  

Edited by Rose Mosse
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You are over thinking all of this.  You are strangers and know virtually nothing about each other.

  This whole "first date" was a mess.  I lost track of how many different plans were talked about just to meet and get to know each other a little.

  The guy is interested but you surely did not make it easy for him at all.  Were his invites unusual for a first date?  Absolutely but you going back and forth like you did would have had me rethinking meeting you. 

  Sounds like it is time for a do-over. 

  If you like the guy for who he is and not for his success and wealth then ask him to coffee.  Keep it simple without all the convoluted plans and counter plans.

Lost

PS Just because a guy doesn't try anything doesn't mean he doesn't want to.

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I agree, it may have looked like a mess.. and it was a little messy planning something because of me trying to have precautions with covid but he actually made the effort to plan a proper date. He actually called me on the way back from his new years eve trip to plan to have dinner this coming weekend. So he is in fact interested!

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Just now, electricorchid said:

I agree, it may have looked like a mess.. and it was a little messy planning something because of me trying to have precautions with covid but he actually made the effort to plan a proper date. He actually called me on the way back from his new years eve trip to plan to have dinner this coming weekend. So he is in fact interested!

Yes it sounds like he is interested in seeing you again -have fun!

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Posted (edited)
On 12/28/2021 at 10:52 AM, Lambert said:

In general, I follow this theory when I experience mixed signals. Whether its my own internal unsure feelings or from someone else. Stop. Do nothing.  Something is holding you back or in the case of someone else, the other person is not that interested. 

I take mixed signals to mean no. The person could be giving you a chance because they're lonely, bored, horny, haven't met someone they really like... you know what I mean.

I agree, i myself usually take mixed signals as a no, but considering our age gap i believe after much thinking that we both were just trying to read eachother and were giving eachother mixed signals. However, He did recently reach out to me.. went on a trip for new years eve and texted me throughout, then called me two days on the literal way back home to his apt from the airport to plan out a proper dinner date with me and we are still chatting so we will see how it goes. Thankyou to everyone who replied to my thread, as i admit I was def. confused and I was overthinking.

Edited by electricorchid
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