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My ex wants to move on with his life


Kyle12
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My ex of over 10 years and best friend told me he wants to move on with his life and has left me devastated. He is acting cold and dismissive of me and my pain so I therefore went no contact. How do you best manage losing someone you love who doesn't want you in their life anymore

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You manage by going No Contact.  Avoid any ways to run into them. Don't beg for them back, no chasing, following online, etc.  Less you know the better- for your own well being.

IF it's affecting you too deeply & for too long, consider some prof help to work through it.

Try to keep busy, hang more with friends/family, journaling helps 'get it out' another way.

And be kind to yourself.  Let yourself feel. Give it all time.

 

Edited by SooSad33
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I'm sorry.  This is painful but you can and will get through it.  I agree with everything @SooSad33wrote. 

Focus on yourself.  Spend time alone.  do things that support you and your well being. Like: napping, Journaling, being with your closest friends and family.

Mope around in your pj's and watch TV if you feel like it sometimes. It's ok. You just have to ride it out. 

When you get tired of feeling bad start looking at things you would like to do for yourself like exercise and improving your diet. 

10 years is a long time and it's going to take time and effort to find yourself as a single person.  This will be a big period of personal growth for you. 

I know that doesn't sound great right now but the person you are becoming is going to amaze you. Go to the bookstore or look on line for books in the psychology, self transformation and or wellness sections that resonate with you. 

Be strong but also kind to yourself. Have a cupcake. You can and will move on to a better happier life. And in time, you'll find love again. Right now you have to love yourself. 

 

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21 hours ago, Kyle12 said:

My ex of over 10 years and best friend told me he wants to move on with his life and has left me devastated. He is acting cold and dismissive of me and my pain so I therefore went no contact. How do you best manage losing someone you love who doesn't want you in their life anymore

Good that you have gone no contact. Lean on family and friends for support. Do you have anyone close by? 

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3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup about? Did you live together? 

We lived together for about 7 years and for a big part of 10 years he was my best friend. I have so many memories of him and I that are hard to process now. In the later years of living together we 'grew apart.' I wanted to live closer to work opportunities whereas he wanted to stay where we were.  He wasn't big on working through our differences or building a future with me and one day moved accross the state without telling me what he was doing leaving me in house we shared. The attraction I felt for slowly withered as I felt neglected and disjointed from the relationship. He moved back to the same town and area was in constant contact with me until he has now cut me off.  I wanted to try and work on rebuilding our relationship, he said he wanted to move on for good now. I should of left much earlier on but loved him underneath it all. 

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2 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Good that you have gone no contact. Lean on family and friends for support. Do you have anyone close by? 

Thank-you. I have no choice to go no contact for my wellbeing as he was quite mean and cold last time I saw him and the heartache I felt  is unlike anything I have ever felt given the time I spent with him ( 10 years) I have great support and will lean on them for support. Thank-you for your time x 

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41 minutes ago, Kyle12 said:

one day moved accross the state without telling me what he was doing leaving me in house we shared. The attraction I felt for slowly withered as I felt neglected and disjointed from the relationship. 

How did he just pick up and move without telling you or severing finances, accounts and other issues surrounding living together?

You state you lost attraction and felt disconnected from the relationship. So it seems you were as aware as he was that it was just not working out.

Be glad you are free of this long-dead situation to pursue your own happiness with someone who wants what you want and who you are attracted to.

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9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How did he just pick up and move without telling you or severing finances, accounts and other issues surrounding living together?

You state you lost attraction and felt disconnected from the relationship. So it seems you were as aware as he was that it was just not working out.

Be glad you are free of this long-dead situation to pursue your own happiness with someone who wants what you want and who you are attracted to.

He just did it ( moved).  We didn't have a shared account but shared expenses. He came home and said he had a new job and was moving. He left some things in the house and still had access to the house and would still contact me.  I went and stayed with him in his new place ( it was an odd situation for awhile but I had spent so many years with him and was trying to understand what it all meant and he gave me alot of mixed messages).  I could not fix anything between because he didn't want to fix anything.

I am now free of the situation so this is a blessing. Its just painful how cruel and indifferent he was to me before I went no contact. 

Thank-you for listening and for your words of wisdom. I really felt so lost and alone and have much appreciation for your time. Xo

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 1/19/2022 at 9:51 AM, spinstermanquee said:

Kyle12, I posted on one of your other threads.  I feel for you and wish to send you some virtual hugs ((( )))

Please take care of yourself, promote your own healing, and if you care to update us on where you are with this. 

❤️

Hi, and thank-you for your messages. I am much better now, after a breakdown moment and 5 weeks no contact. Turns out he had been seeing someone else. I blocked all social media to be able to heal and move forward.  This forum really helped me as I was in quite a dark place initially. 

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3 hours ago, Kyle12 said:

Turns out he had been seeing someone else. 

That must've been hard to hear. However, sometimes the painful revelations can actually expedite our acceptance and subsequent healing. 

Wishing you good things ahead, OP. 

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4 hours ago, Kyle12 said:

Hi, and thank-you for your messages. I am much better now, after a breakdown moment and 5 weeks no contact. Turns out he had been seeing someone else. I blocked all social media to be able to heal and move forward.  This forum really helped me as I was in quite a dark place initially. 

Good call blocking him. I’m glad that you’re doing a little better. 

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51 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

That must've been hard to hear. However, sometimes the painful revelations can actually expedite our acceptance and subsequent healing. 

Wishing you good things ahead, OP. 

He showed this on social media after I had asked him when I saw him last if there was someone else and he said he just wanted to alone and there wasn't ( cold and indifferent). My mind felt like it had been bent out of place but it helps me to understand what was really happening. I then blocked everything. It was hard to lose someone I loved dearly in such a sad way but I am doing better now. 

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