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How to tell a woman that I have some feelings towards her?


Bonaccorso_di_Novara
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There is one woman, she's 31, I'm 34. We know each other for two years, mostly by mutual volunteering on same projects. Sometimes had more casual conversations too but not as often as I'd like too - we live in different countries (sic!) and due to lockdown and restricted travel didn't see each other for quite a while in person, but didn't stop mutual volunteering projects (where there are many other people too, not just we two - to give the full picture).

I like her a lot to be honest, and it seems she also might have some feelings towards me, more than just to colleague. She didn't sound it straightforward (and her regional culture is pretty conservative (likely among the most conservative places of Europe), but some small actions, phrases, and so on - it really feels that I may be more than a colleague for her and more than a guy with similar interests.

But I don't know how to tell to her about my feelings without putting her in awkward sutiation. Maybe you can give some suggestions?

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Do you live in countries that are close to each other? What are the COVID restrictions in your countries like at the moment? I actually think that if you do talk to this woman online or in Zoom meetings or anything like that, that you could probably tell her you like her. But if you don't really talk to her much then I think that makes it tricky. I think maybe before telling her how you feel you might need to have more conversations with her and build more connections.

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3 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Do you live in countries that are close to each other? What are the COVID restrictions in your countries like at the moment? I actually think that if you do talk to this woman online or in Zoom meetings or anything like that, that you could probably tell her you like her. But if you don't really talk to her much then I think that makes it tricky. I think maybe before telling her how you feel you might need to have more conversations with her and build more connections.

No mutual border between countries; two hours by plane. Restrictions are simple - even if you have valid tourist visa (and I have it), you can't enter, and neither embassy tells even approximate timing when will it resume - since May they keep saying "probably soon". Only limited business-related trips are allowed.
Yeah, just telling about feelings out of thin air will be awkward. I espcially don't want to put her into such awkward situation.
Likely we need to at least spend more online time together - chats, calls, and so on.

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6 minutes ago, Bonaccorso_di_Novara said:

No mutual border between countries; two hours by plane. Restrictions are simple - even if you have valid tourist visa (and I have it), you can't enter, and neither embassy tells even approximate timing when will it resume - since May they keep saying "probably soon". Only limited business-related trips are allowed.
Yeah, just telling about feelings out of thin air will be awkward. I espcially don't want to put her into such awkward situation.
Likely we need to at least spend more online time together - chats, calls, and so on.

Yes I think what you need is to talk more. The thing is, to be receptive that someone has feelings for you I think you need to have some kind of connection first. I understand that you're in different countries but there are other ways to communicate. Could you message her and chat or maybe video call? If you're friendly with each other could you just start a messaging convention? For example, just message and say: "Hi, how are you? How are things going with XYZ?" Just start a conversation and see how she responds. To be honest though if she's not really replying much then I'm not sure whether her interest in you would be that high. I think you need to see what kind of responses you get from her.

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58 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Yes I think what you need is to talk more. The thing is, to be receptive that someone has feelings for you I think you need to have some kind of connection first. I understand that you're in different countries but there are other ways to communicate. Could you message her and chat or maybe video call? If you're friendly with each other could you just start a messaging convention? For example, just message and say: "Hi, how are you? How are things going with XYZ?" Just start a conversation and see how she responds. To be honest though if she's not really replying much then I'm not sure whether her interest in you would be that high. I think you need to see what kind of responses you get from her.

We talk sometimes casually, just like you said - asking how is she, she always replies fast and friendly (but not always writes long replies), discussing various topics, from weather to local history, plans for holidays and so on. So at least we have those conversations going 🙂
Didn't do video calls yet (although we message in whatsapp sometimes too, and also in facebook - where she lives it's the most popular social network) but it seems like a very good idea to propose it. It can be a next step. If she refuses, then very likely she has no desire to move further with any relationships either, and at least I'll know it.

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 Jumping from where you are at to telling someone you have feelings for them is a huge leap.  I agree with Tinydance in that you need to step it up from your usual and see how she responds. 

  This is pretty long distance but it doesn't mean it cannot work so while you are on lockdown why don't you see if she is interested in having an actual voice conversation. During this convo you can get to know her way better and faster and even take the convo in a different direction.   You should be able to tell by the tone of her voice, how she responds to your questions or topic if she like talking to you or is just being polite then take if from there. 

Lost

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12 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

 Jumping from where you are at to telling someone you have feelings for them is a huge leap.  I agree with Tinydance in that you need to step it up from your usual and see how she responds. 

  This is pretty long distance but it doesn't mean it cannot work so while you are on lockdown why don't you see if she is interested in having an actual voice conversation. During this convo you can get to know her way better and faster and even take the convo in a different direction.   You should be able to tell by the tone of her voice, how she responds to your questions or topic if she like talking to you or is just being polite then take if from there. 

Lost

Yes, I also think it's a good idea - voice calls, or video calls, and see her reaction in the meantime.

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