My girlfriend left me for a girl

[globin]

So.. I made a topic a few days ago because I was dealing with things really badly and turned to strangers on the internet for comfort. But this is a different post on the same situation, different issue. I was with my girlfriend for over a year. She loved me, I didn't know if I loved her, and she often asked about it. I still don't know if I love(d) her but i'm feeling pretty awful over her so there must've been some intensity in the feelings. She often felt like I didnt reassure her, she had quite unstable mental health & I found it hard to deal with. Regardless of everything she was really significant as she was my first girlfriend I went out with (she lives in a city 2 hours away from me studying) in a big city, doing exciting things and seeing cool new places, making really fond memories. She was very obsessed with me, sometimes she'd just stare at my face & tell me she was in awe about how attractive I am, hug me as tight as she could and tell me she still wasn't close enough. Skip forward to the breakup situation. It was Halloween, I was planning to go there but decided to stay with my friends instead. After waking up the next day I felt really awful & I was quite ill, however something else didn't feel right. She acted like she didn't care about me, I asked to call a couple of days in a row and she kept saying she was busy going out clubbing. She'd had a new roommate move in (female) who she befriended & spoke highly of (I'll get back to her). A couple days later, about the 6th of November she told me she thought we should break up. It hurt, but not as bad as it would eventually get. I got myself back on my feet and tried to make myself feel better but she came back and messaged me on the 9th of november, a couple of days later. She said if in a month I'd like to try to talk again and make something out of it we could try. We ended up just talking from that point on, talking about our old memories and stuff and everything felt okay again, apart from one thing. She said her new female roommate had come onto her and kissed her neck 'when we broke up'. I was really mad this was so soon after we'd broken up, but I listened to her & forgave her, however, I was really paranoid about this girl getting in the way. She reassured me saying nothing would happen, that she told the girl they couldn't have anything. I persisted as I felt a horrible gut feeling but was always met with stuff like 'no I'm not going to do anything disloyal'. After a week of me giving my all to her, really trying to make amends to our relationship she told me she felt like she needed to be alone, but assured me that she loves me, saying things like 'I won't ever move on fully from you' 'as soon as I feel better you will be the first to know about it' 'i'm not leaving you for anyone else, there's no one else involved'. I was really devastated & knew in the back of my mind something wasn't right. Fast forward to today, I'd been looking (as you do when youre heartbroken and confused) and this girl's profile was finally public. I saw an instagram memory highlight and it just completely broke me. 4 weeks ago today (when she was still telling me she loved me) they'd been on dates, been up to the art museum in London where my girlfriend had always wanted us to go together, videos of them holding hands on the train, at a carnival together. This was all instant. She cut off contact with me on the 28th of November & the whole of december had been with this girl acting like they were married. I feel totally crushed, lost, betrayed... Over a year together and she moved on to someone else either in days, or still whilst we had something together. I have so many confusing feelings, I just don't know what to do, I dont know what answers I'm even looking for but I'm just in unimaginable pain.

(side note, she had mentioned to me a long time ago that she didn't care about gender, just liked people for who they were so it wasn't like being gay was a totally new feeling).

[boltnrun]

So you didn't act like you cared about her until she acted like she didn't care about you.

You took her for granted and now you've lost her.

I've seen this story over and over.

The time to act like she was important to you was when she was with you, not after you thought you might lose her. Your pain is because you didn't expect her to actually leave you and now you found out she would and did.

It's a life lesson. If someone is important you treat them like they are. You don't get annoyed at their health issues and ditch them on holidays to hang with your friends.

Now that you know this you will hopefully take this knowledge into your next relationship. And once you realize you two weren't right for each other you'll feel better.