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Found out about my ex's rebound yesterday... hurts more than I thought it would.

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23 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I know the "think I should" loop. It sucks. It feels like if you dare to let go of something you will get penalized in some way. The good news is, I've gotten over it as I got older.

Yep, I hear. The most helpful thing I've found to pause that loop is to ask, "Be judged by whom?" and, "Who really matters enough to me that I should care what they think?"

I like to challenge all 'shoulds' behind my assumptions and clarify for myself who, exactly, REALLY cares enough to notice OR who's invested more than ME?

My Mom told me at age 21, "I'm going to give you a gift: nobody really gives a $httt. If you stress out over the perceptions of others, your focus is on the wrong track, because nobody else cares all that much. As long as you don't harm anyone, nobody has any skin in your game, so they don't get a vote."

She wishes she could have taught me this earlier, but she had only discovered this at her age at that time. It took me a while to really 'get it,' but once I relaxed into the idea, I started operating in my own best interests. If anyone noticed, I had likely already conveyed in one way or another that I wasn't interested in their opinion.

Head high, Cynder. You'll get through this.

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