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How do I create a successful dating profile?


PillowPuck
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I’ve decided to start using some dating apps like Tinder and Bumble. Long story short, I usually get the same types of girls who swipe right on me and they’re simply not my type. 
 

I honestly don’t think that I’m a bad looking guy in real life. I usually notice some cute girls looking my way in public and even approaching me, but my problem is nerves and not really knowing how to reciprocate. I think that I’m fairly good-looking, but I just don’t think that my photos on my profiles are reflecting that. All five of my photos are either selfies or mirror shots and I don’t think that they’re helping.

I also feel like I’m struggling with what to put in my bios about me. I never know if I’m suppose to post a long explanation about me, or a short, concise blurb that’s directly to the point. I just struggle with dating apps in general and I’d like to expand the types of women who swipe right on me.

Edited by PillowPuck
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Tinder and Bumble are primarily hook-up sites, right? Is your goal to date leading to a relationship or do you want casual, uncommitted sex? If you want a relationship, a paid dating site would be better.

As for your profile pic, a selfie or mirror shot is kind of lame. It looks like you couldn't get anyone to take a pic for you. Have a friend take a face pic and a full body pic where you're smiling rather than trying to look tough or "manly". Then a couple of "action" shots with you doing an activity you enjoy or with your pet (if you have one). Again, don't try to look sultry. 

And for your profile, say a few words about yourself such as what you do for work, your social activities such as sports or other interests and who you're looking for and what your dating goals are. I would also strongly discourage you from saying you play video games as your only activity. You want to be well rounded. And be clear if you're looking for casual dates or a relationship. Don't be negative; say things in a positive way. Don't state your dislikes or pet peeves! Lastly, do not lie or fudge just to try to get more interest. You'll get found out.

I can't promise success. I can only say what I would want to see and what would interest me as a single woman looking to date.

 

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You seem so focused on looks -why? When I had a dating profile for several years I made sure not to have any "no" other than "no drugs/no excessive drinking".  I stated very simply what I was looking for (marriage and family) and kept things pretty short and sweet.  I didn't want to date online -I wanted to use online sites to meet in person ASAP.  I also made sure I lived in a city teeming with singles - I moved ten miles from my parents' home when I finished grad school in my 20s so I'd be right in the middle of everything.  That way I didn't have to look for anything long distance.  Had I just wanted to date casually I wouldn't have spent the time and energy on meeting people through on line sites. It was only worth it because I wanted marriage and family.  

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3 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Have a friend take a face pic and a full body pic where you're smiling rather than trying to look tough or "manly". Then a couple of "action" shots with you doing an activity you enjoy or with your pet (if you have one). Again, don't try to look sultry. 

I already tried that, but nothing comes off as looking natural. I tried to get my friend taking a picture of me in the middle of throwing a football, but it's just blurry and out of focus. I had him take a picture of me sitting in a chair and reading a science book while wearing a pair of glasses, but it just looked fake and forced. None of my photos taken by friends come off as authentic.

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6 hours ago, PillowPuck said:

I usually get the same types of girls who swipe right on me and they’re simply not my type. 

Hey again Pillowpuck,

Usually, I like to work on the assumption that OPs are genuine. Unfortunately, my current default is thinking you are a troll. So I have to ask, how do you know these girls are swiping right unless you are also swiping right (i.e. matching)? Are you using some paid service on Tinder and Bumble which allows you to see who has swiped for you? Or are you just swiping right for everyone and screening after matching? In any case, imagine how these women feel when they match but you either never respond or just make minimal conversation demonstrating disinterest. If you can't treat people you aren't attracted to well, its fair to assume you won't attract anyone to treat you well.

How long do you use the app before deactivating? If you are swiping right on attractive, interesting young women, you may not pop up for them for upto a month, or even more depending on how often they use the app and how many swipe for them. 

Also, you presume that your photo and bio do not accurately reflect your value, yet aren't you judging these unsuitable matches by their profile? Have you actually chatted to, or met, any of them without preconceptions? 

Finally, how narrow is your type? 5% of profiles? Less? With apps like Tinder and Bumble, you are unlikely to match with women significantly younger than you (which seems to be characteristic of your type), as these women will general set their age range to around their age. 

Edited by WaywardKiwi
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Are you swiping right on everyone? 
 

If so that’s your problem, that’s why you’re getting matches you aren’t interested in. Try reading the profiles before just randomly swiping. 
 

Do you know how infuriating it can be as someone looking for a genuine connection and then find out you’re an accidental swipe? 
 

It may take longer to go through the site but at least you’re being genuine with your likes.

 

Also mirror selfies are not great. To me it shows ‘hookup’ or arrogant. 
So woman may be swiping left on you because of that.

 

Are you smiling In any of your photos? Like a warm welcome smile? 
 

The more inviting you appear in your photos the more matches. If you appear aloof it sends off the signal you’re not friendly in real life. 
 

I think a long bio is better then a short bio. I know some dating sites are 500 words maximum. Make use of the 500 words. The more you put what you’re about and who you’re looking for will help narrow it down. 
 

good luck!

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1 hour ago, WaywardKiwi said:

Hey again Pillowpuck,

Usually, I like to work on the assumption that OPs are genuine. Unfortunately, my current default is thinking you are a troll. So I have to ask, how do you know these girls are swiping right unless you are also swiping right (i.e. matching)? Are you using some paid service on Tinder and Bumble which allows you to see who has swiped for you? Or are you just swiping right for everyone and screening after matching? In any case, imagine how these women feel when they match but you either never respond or just make minimal conversation demonstrating disinterest. If you can't treat people you aren't attracted to well, its fair to assume you won't attract anyone to treat you well.

How long do you use the app before deactivating? If you are swiping right on attractive, interesting young women, you may not pop up for them for upto a month, or even more depending on how often they use the app and how many swipe for them. 

Also, you presume that your photo and bio do not accurately reflect your value, yet aren't you judging these unsuitable matches by their profile? Have you actually chatted to, or met, any of them without preconceptions? 

Finally, how narrow is your type? 5% of profiles? Less? With apps like Tinder and Bumble, you are unlikely to match with women significantly younger than you (which seems to be characteristic of your type), as these women will general set their age range to around their age. 

I should clarify that I’m using paid subscriptions on both Tinder and Bumble so as to see who swipes right on me. I’m not swiping right on every girl and creating false matches.

And whenever I download these apps, I usually give up 24-48 hours later, wait a few days, and then create a new account.

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8 hours ago, PillowPuck said:

I should clarify that I’m using paid subscriptions on both Tinder and Bumble so as to see who swipes right on me. I’m not swiping right on every girl and creating false matches.

And whenever I download these apps, I usually give up 24-48 hours later, wait a few days, and then create a new account.

If you see who matched with you already, what’s the complaint? I know these girls that like you may not be your ‘type.’ But what about them isn’t your type? Looks alone? Have you read the profile? See any thing you have in common with them? 

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8 hours ago, PillowPuck said:

I download these apps, I usually give up 24-48 hours later, wait a few days, and then create a new account.

This of course doesn't help.

Nor do selfies or fake pics with glasses, footballs etc. You are better off getting a few real decent and candid shots done with a camera, taken by friends, some outdoors being yourself.

Also if you refuse to message women how is that going to work? 

Nothing works if you are sabotaging it and just playing games to see who swipes right.

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8 hours ago, PillowPuck said:

I should clarify that I’m using paid subscriptions on both Tinder and Bumble so as to see who swipes right on me. I’m not swiping right on every girl and creating false matches.

And whenever I download these apps, I usually give up 24-48 hours later, wait a few days, and then create a new account.

OK I think there's your problem right there. 24 - 48 hours isn't long to be on an app! Usually you have to be on dating apps for months, and I hate to say it, even years to get some good matches. You're not allowing more time to actually have more women swipe on you. Also sometimes I matched someone and wanted to talk, but it said "this user disabled their profile". Which was very annoying because I wanted to have a conversation with that person! So the women who matched on you or *would* match on you are getting the same thing because you keep going off the app.

All dating takes work and I really get the sense from all your posts that you just don't WANT to put in any effort. I'm sorry but you don't and that really comes across.

Edited by Tinydance
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I'm not surprised you're dismissing the advice we're giving since that is your M.O. You ask for advice then come up with 974 excuses why the suggestions you're given won't work or why you "can't" follow the advice.

You don't want to date. Maybe you're terrified of "rejection" or think you don't have anything to offer a woman. But interestingly, you seem to have no problem asking coworkers to have hookup sex with you. It's kind of strange, TBH.

 

 

 

 

 

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If you are in the right head space, and ready to meet someone, you would be confident enough to express what you need to put down in your profile. You are uncertain, maybe anxious, insecure-ish, have attitude/defensive. Not sure the reasons why you are feeling this way, but it sure is your stumbling block.

With reading what people have said about you....I suggest some honest self reflection first. Ask yourself, would you date you? What do you have to offer emotionally? You have a positive outlook on life? Have a good sense of humor? How would you describe yourself? Charitable? Selfish? Needy? laid back?

I don't mind working through this with you and I'm sure others would be on board to help you out. You know... lets try a different approach to this.

Edited by smackie9
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2 hours ago, limichelle said:

If you see who matched with you already, what’s the complaint? I know these girls that like you may not be your ‘type.’ But what about them isn’t your type? Looks alone? Have you read the profile? See any thing you have in common with them? 

Feel free to call me shallow, but yeah, it’s mostly looks. I get a lot of right swipes from massively overweight girls who dye their hair strange colors and are into anime culture. That’s not for me for a lot of reasons.

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13 hours ago, limichelle said:

Try reading the profiles before just randomly swiping. 

In his defense, there is usually nothing to read. Most of people on dating sites use it like its Instagram. That means a few selected pics, few random selected interests(all most generic ones, like "travel", "animals", "coffee") and that is it. Very few even writes a bio at all. Most you can read is "No ONS". Which is OK, it does show at least some preference but it tells you exactly nothing about the person. Most people are there for validation, not to find somebody. Your swipe means as much as Instagram like to them. 

In OPs critique, he seems exactly the same as those people. So he should blend in perfectly there lol

Also, OP, do you have any female friends? Take some pics, let them chose a few for you and help with bio. It should reflect at least what you like and what you are looking for from a girl. And even that doesnt guarantee you good matches. Nothing is. 

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3 hours ago, PillowPuck said:

Feel free to call me shallow, but yeah, it’s mostly looks. I get a lot of right swipes from massively overweight girls who dye their hair strange colors and are into anime culture. That’s not for me for a lot of reasons.

What do you think there might be in your profile or pics that makes women choose to NOT "swipe right"? 

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21 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Tinder and Bumble are primarily hook-up sites, right? Is your goal to date leading to a relationship or do you want casual, uncommitted sex?

 

Not really, they have this reputation, probably because they work well for folk just wanting hookups, and I think in part because of prudish and  hysterical media who like to cast shade on anything young people do but in my experience those on there looking for hookups are a significant minority but a minority nonetheless.

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3 hours ago, PillowPuck said:

Feel free to call me shallow, but yeah, it’s mostly looks. I get a lot of right swipes from massively overweight girls who dye their hair strange colors and are into anime culture. That’s not for me for a lot of reasons.

I get you have a preference and there’s nothing wrong with that but if those are the woman you are attracting, maybe there’s something on your profile that peaks their interest? 
 



It’s also not a bad thing you’re drawing their attention. They obviously see something in you worth pursuing. It is flattering I would think with anyone liking you. 
 

I know when I had used online dating in the past. I was flattered by anyone swiping right on purpose with my profile even if they may not have been a match. 
 

All I can say OP is be patient. Stay on longer then a couple of days. More girls will match with you that you better see yourself with. 

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44 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

What do you think there might be in your profile or pics that makes women choose to NOT "swipe right"? 

I'm thinking it's just the quality of the photos. Like I said, most of them are selfies and the one that's actually taken of me by someone else (me dressed up and looking spiffy for a wedding) is back when I was 23. I'm 26 now.

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27 minutes ago, PillowPuck said:

I'm thinking it's just the quality of the photos. Like I said, most of them are selfies and the one that's actually taken of me by someone else (me dressed up and looking spiffy for a wedding) is back when I was 23. I'm 26 now.

But you didn't like the suggestions you received about improving your pics. What ideas do you have to take better photos?

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Hey OP,

 

Call me old fashioned but, why can’t you head out to a bar on a Friday night and just strike up a conversation with a girl that catches your eye? 
 

Dating sites seem like a mine field, whatever your intentions are. 
 

Women don’t really get approached much in the “real world”! So as a man, ya don’t need to look like Brad Pitt and have a bank balance to match because most women are so impressed that a man would come out and be bold enough to make a move that that normally does it.

 

My husband had some wild and free single days. He once said he would pick the most good looking girl in the bar and just go straight for her. He said he was hardly rejected, because they simply were not used to being approached. On the other hand, he noticed the more average women were much more likely to reject him, kind of, as if they had a point to prove. I always remember him telling me that. 
 

Just going for looks by the way is not gonna be fruitful for anything meaningful or serious, but if hook ups are your aim, I would seriously just consider putting a shirt on and heading out.

 

Lo x

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4 minutes ago, PillowPuck said:

I like them, I just don't know how to go about those types of pics without them coming off as forced or obviously staged.

So you don't do anything that someone could take pics of you doing? Hiking, playing a sport, photography, cooking, art, rock climbing, skateboarding, mountain biking, swimming?

I used to play slow pitch softball and got some pics that way. I also did volunteer work and got some fun pics. And I went off roading with some friends and the husband of my friend took a really fun full body pic of me next to his Jeep.

There must be something.

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18 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So you don't do anything that someone could take pics of you doing? Hiking, playing a sport, photography, cooking, art, rock climbing, skateboarding, mountain biking, swimming?

I used to play slow pitch softball and got some pics that way. I also did volunteer work and got some fun pics. And I went off roading with some friends and the husband of my friend took a really fun full body pic of me next to his Jeep.

There must be something.

I go to parties with my co-workers, but we have to be careful about taking and posting pictures. We have some store leaders who attend the parties with us, which isn't allowed since we directly report to them and the managers have cited this as a "conflict of interest".

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27 minutes ago, PillowPuck said:

I go to parties with my co-workers, but we have to be careful about taking and posting pictures. We have some store leaders who attend the parties with us, which isn't allowed since we directly report to them and the managers have cited this as a "conflict of interest".

Sigh...

I didn't say anything about parties. I listed a whole bunch of activities.

Are you saying the only things you do is go to work and go to coworker parties?

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5 hours ago, PillowPuck said:

Feel free to call me shallow, but yeah, it’s mostly looks. I get a lot of right swipes from massively overweight girls who dye their hair strange colors and are into anime culture. That’s not for me for a lot of reasons.

I think it's OK if you're not attracted to those women, you can't help that.  But I have also noticed that in a lot of your posts you kept talking about looks. When you talked about asking girls out, you'd say things like: "Girl X is the most attractive out of the girls". You seem very looks focused. And I get it, people are visual creatures and especially on dating sites it's all about the photos because you don't know the people. 

I think I also remember that you said previously that you've never been in any relationship? If you honestly want to find someone (kinda sounds like you don't *really*), at some point you're going to have to give someone a chance. This is what dating is. You just give people a go and you see what happens. 

It's fine if you're not attracted to someone but if you think someone's profile is OK then you can just go get a coffee with them. It's not hard! 

My suggestion would also be not to put much older photos on your dating profile. Or photos where you don't look the way you usually look. E.g. In photos from a wedding you'd probably be in a suit or at least really nice shirt and pants, maybe you'd have done your hair a bit. And the photos might be from a professional photographer. If you don't usually look like that then it's not really the right representation of you. I'd recommend uploading only somewhat recent photos. Of course put flattering ones but ones where you really look like you. Where you wear what you normally wear, etc. 

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