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Enjoy meeting other guys!!^^


KittyCAT56
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I was in a toxic relationship, unhappy with my life and status, when one night *when I had one of those on and off with my toxic ex*, I matched with this super HOTTIEEEE!

It was great! I loved chatting with him, he was fun, cocky!!!, a bit arrogant :D, sincere and most importantly there for me during my ups and downs. 

It has been 1 year and 6-7 months from the day we first matched, where we developed this e-friendship, this amazing e-friendship!

I went through a huge transformation, from miserable, to living life in the happiest terms. And he was there celebrating my victories, or those typical struggles with life. We never said we should date, but we were opened to actually go on a date together. Discussed our sexual attractions, how he is hotter than hot Cheetos, and apparently I'm even more. 😛 The more he would tell me about his life, the more I would see myself falling for him, its like he ticks all my boxes, and I find that like somehow God Listened to My Prayers and finally gave me what I was looking for. Someone exciting, sexy and able to make me feel butterflies in the most gentle form. 

Until one day when I just found myself in between so many strong feelings. Was I in love? Did I fell for someone I have never met? Is this healthy? 

I did what everyone probably would do. Run away! 😅 I immediately opened dating websites, I started chatting with weirdos once again, I even played a trick to contact this idiot from my past that always plays annoying tricks to me. 😕

.

Of course, this hottie knew about all them. I am quite open with him. He even got unfriended with me, by me. To conclude this happened in one night; within 3 hours. 

I woke up in the morning, deleted everything. Said my prayers for a better balance for the day, and I was ready for the outcomes. 

My hottie was not thou! He told me he is going on a date with some girl. It was a rough day, because I was also meeting some weirdo from work, who knows *** about me, and somehow got obsessed saying that he wants a chance with me out of nowhere. I asked him about his date, he told me he slept with her, my phone died, and next thing I know I was typing all caps lock saying he is behaving stupidly, and that he should take into consideration how his actions hurt other people. He said he lied to check my reaction, but I am insane, and that I should go *** off, meet other guys that he has no interest in me.

I am taking a step back from all of this. I told him after that I care, and that he shouldn't get angry with me because I am just some internet chick, sent him a cute romantic song; where it says I want to be next to him forever, even told him that instead of trying to get to know him I should have just went and shagged him like a rabbit. But no response...

My mum says; its normal to argue. He is acting immature, and so did I. Especially putting third and fourth parts in the e-friendship, but I acted the right way! I showed him that side of me, who is impulse and insane. That I freak out, and if he has any real feeling for me, he will come back, and things can clear up. 

What do you guys think? Did he really tell me the truth, and this was a game? Or is this just one of those steps before a beautiful friendship! I know for a fact, that since we met we changed drastically. Speaking for myself. I worked hard, to become this strong woman who now is living happy, and requires the best from people.

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2 minutes ago, KittyCAT56 said:

But like why? You can share your opinion with me! That's why I'm here for anyways...

It all sounds like behaviour from people much younger that don’t have their full development in place. My son is your age. Really though it sounds like 16 year old stuff which is why I was surprised at your ages. 
 

He obviously got more emotionally involved than you did. 
 

It is always best to date /have a relationship with someone local provided they are good dating/ relationship material . 

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Okay, so you two set each other off- so why do you play such mind games?

Why try to make each other jealous that way?

IF you are truly into someone you don't delete them or try to bring out their bad side/ test them that way.

Jumping back onto date sites, going out with an old flame etc?

YOU need to figure yourself out here... last thing you want to do is make your romantic interest jealous- intentionally.

You haven't even met? So, neither of your are truly aware of 'reality' around each other, so if you're really this into each other, meet up!

 

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You weren't dating him.  He was a stranger for all romantic purposes and at most an online chat buddy you flirted with.  It sounds like you get a thrill out of pursuing men who are unavailable/pursuing a fantasy. It sounds like you enjoy hiding behind a computer screen because it's exciting to you and much safer than interacting in real life where you might feel too vulnerable which can be scary for some people.

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3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It sounds like you enjoy hiding behind a computer screen because it's exciting to you and much safer than interacting in real life where you might feel too vulnerable which can be scary for some people.

Actually I`m really pretty and boys hit me up all the time! _I have no problem communicating with people, especially boys or men. I just want a guy whom I like, not someone who forces themselves on me! Which let me tell you this, many do! 

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30 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Do you primarily communicate online with these boys or are you doing in person dating?

 

I may meet them in person, I may connect online... The point is that I don't go on dates, unless I am really interested in the guy and they share the same interest in me. Also for me going on a date means initiating something called dating, so not everyone is ready to play that ball with me, or the ones that are, I am actually capable to spot right away if its genuine or not because I evaluate the connection carefully! So lets just say I am playing the field to find someone I can fall in love life long 🙂

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53 minutes ago, KittyCAT56 said:

I may meet them in person, I may connect online... The point is that I don't go on dates, unless I am really interested in the guy and they share the same interest in me. Also for me going on a date means initiating something called dating, so not everyone is ready to play that ball with me, or the ones that are, I am actually capable to spot right away if its genuine or not because I evaluate the connection carefully! So lets just say I am playing the field to find someone I can fall in love life long 🙂

I met my life long at your age but I was never one to play the field. I met him and knew instantly. 

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8 hours ago, KittyCAT56 said:

I fell for someone I have never met? Is this healthy?  I started chatting with weirdos once again

This cyberfantasy was the biggest weirdo of them all. Slow down.

Talk to trusted friends and family about your rollercoaster moods, anxiety, isolation and see if you can find a therapist to help you with that.

Get involved in more productive pursuits. Work, get a second job, take more classes and courses. Volunteer.

Get involved in sports and improving your diet, fitness and health.

Strive for your future. Learn about finances and getting your own place and paying your own bills and for your own car and phone.

 Until you are stable and physically and mentally healthy you'll just keep getting involved in weirdos.

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What do you believe you bring to the table to attract a quality man.  Not a boy. Being really pretty and being hit on by boys - dime a dozen. Many really pretty gals and many boys who are looking for arm candy or someone to have sex with or sext on line with. What loving things do you do in your life that are consistent with you being a loving partner in a potentially serious relationship. Not whether your face or body are really pretty. 

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Being in a toxic, on and off relationship didn't bring you happiness.

Having a cyber version of what you assumed was romance/friendship where you speak of your "sexual attractions" didn't provide a romantic companion to enjoy regular dates with, nor provide the normal dating experiences that are necessary to move onto each special new level a real relationship provides.

How about going solo and find happiness within yourself without a man for a while? Ironically, that's the best plan for eventually being ready to share your happiness with a companion after self-fulfillment happens. If you don't do this, your bound to keep attracting men who don't deserve you. I did OLD for several years. I moved on if a guy wasn't will to meet me after a few weeks of communication. Because in person is reality and quick way to determine if there will be a second meet up.

You falsely believe that communicating without meeting over a long period is telling you what you need to know about a person and that you're building something serious with a person you've never met. You're doing yourself a great disservice thinking like that.

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37 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

What do you believe you bring to the table to attract a quality man.  Not a boy. Being really pretty and being hit on by boys - dime a dozen. Many really pretty gals and many boys who are looking for arm candy or someone to have sex with or sext on line with. What loving things do you do in your life that are consistent with you being a loving partner in a potentially serious relationship. Not whether your face or body are really pretty. 

Correct, it’s what you bring to the table in a relationship. Being pretty, you have to have more than just that. 

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Speaking to defend myself here, because obviously you other people have been saying some really interesting comments!

As I said, I have come from a journey where I have rebuild myself completely, made peace with my conscience, living the life I have never dreamed off, because the reality is actually much beautiful than what I thought I deserved this time last year! So I don't lack any qualities to say I cant attract the right guy, he is just not appearing at this very moment, and I am self-aware and also self fulfilled to be happy living on my own. Is love important to me? Of course it is. But I have experienced love so many times, and now its not the point of just finding someone who can make me feel some type of way, now I see its a ***ing full time job to understand what love is, and how to maintain it. Am I feeling some type of a way for this cyber relationship which walked with me during this journey? YES, HELL YES I DO!!! I feel gratitude! This guy was kind and patient with me the whole time. He never made me feel bad about anything, showed interest in my every step to say YAAAYYY!! CONGRATS!! THATS SUPER NICEE!  
But now it has been a week since we parted ways, so when I look back at things, I remember small things I thought I was okay with because I had nothing going on with him, and now I feel like they were red flags that we would part ways! But I am not going to throw that on him, he likes what he likes, and at this moment he doesn't like me.  But hope dies last, and I find myself going through whole conversations that I could have had with him if he didn't leave. And that is so sad, because I know that those conversations will never happen with him. He left me because He didn't like me, and now I feel like that could have happened a different way. Like if only he told that to my normally, and not like that! 

AFTER me exploding that way!!! :(((( also I also feel like a creep that I had to say those stuff to him. Like he is looking at them and saying, ***ing hell!! This GIRL IS INSANEEEEEEE

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16 minutes ago, KittyCAT56 said:

 Like he is looking at them and saying, ***ing hell!! This GIRL IS INSANEEEEEEE

Rebuilding yourself from what, exactly?

Do you work? Attend college? Have your own apartment?

Do you belong to clubs and groups? Do you have interesting hobbies? Do you volunteer?

What exactly are you doing with your life? Getting caught up in a fantasy cyberpal situation that you wasted all this time on is unfortunate.

However you can start improving your physical and mental health as well as your real life in general.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting real life local single men for a low-key coffee

It's a shame you wasted time on this catfish, but now you are free to live a real life with real people.

 

Edited by Wiseman2
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1 hour ago, KittyCAT56 said:

As I said, I have come from a journey where I have rebuild myself completely, made peace with my conscience, living the life I have never dreamed off, because the reality is actually much beautiful than what I thought I deserved this time last year! So I don't lack any qualities to say I cant attract the right guy, he is just not appearing at this very moment,

I'd avoid indulging in the word salad /psycho speak and thinking the right guy will just appear.  Sometimes they do just appear.  For my mother my dad did for sure - stuff romance is made of. Same with my high school sweetheart.  But those are exceptions. 

You will find the right person when you become the right person.  If your focus is on how pretty you look and how guys flock to you because you're so pretty then your right person will be someone who most likely is more focused on looks than typical -and that has its risks even if you are an awesome person inside. 

Sure many of us see Prince/Princess Charming across a crowded room and the first thing is looks.  But then for many of us who are more balanced about what we are looking for that's only the fleeting first impression -I went out with many many extremely handsome men -gorgeous to look at- oh my beating heart - and there were many of them I decided not to see again because other than the so pretty face I felt no real spark or potential for a spark. 

When better hair products came around in the early 2000s you can bet I attracted more attention from men (other than those who liked the "trying to straighten her hair" and/or the electric static frizz look) - it was kind of funny actually.  But my husband and I connected (again, years after we broke up) because the spark hit us from out of nowhere at a platonic dinner and neither of us were looking our best that day -he was sweaty from racing to the restaurant from the wrong restaurant and I hadn't brought makeup to work that day and we made last minute plans. Sparks flew.  It's really not about physical features.  It's also not about connecting with an online stranger -a stranger for all romantic purposes. 

I have a number of purely platonic online friends for many years.  They are my friends.  But for purposes of romance -you have to meet in person regularly -looks being the least of the reason.  He didn't like you romantically.  Or sexually.  Or for purposes of a romantic relationship.  He couldn't because you two never met or dated in person.  By definition he couldn't. He could feel feelings and those feelings were based on a fantasy and image of you he created.  Not you.  

I am heartened to hear you feel fulfilled and happy on your own.  I did too and never ever told myself that I would be happy my whole life being unmarried and not having the opportunity to have a child.  I coexisted with both those feelings.  There was no fancy "journey" or "waiting for love to find me" - I wanted a husband.  And the opportunity to have a child.  I had my list of musts including love and passion.  So I proactively looked.  For many years.  I got in my own way a lot!

I refused to indulge in abstractions because I didn't want an abstract husband or child.  Only the real, nitty gritty, share your chocolate pudding at a diner, make love even if you didn't shave that day or week, tease your partner about her drinking problem when she tries to swig from a water bottle in a moving car, and meet your partner at the door in an undershirt with messy hair two hours before your wedding ceremony.   Screaming for more ice chips during labor as sweat pours from your huge body. I wasn't on some birth journey.  I was pushing out a baby who had to be removed from me during surgery.  That's real stuff.

Being out with your partner and seeing many many pretty and handsome faces and not being blind but not caring because you are with your person.  Seeing your friends on social media all dolled up with their uber-hot partners who are showering them with flattering compliments and gifts.  You smile and keep scrolling.  Without pretending to be on some high falutent journey of self-growth.  Cause you've got floors to scrub and inside jokes to tell your partner. Get real and get real simple.  IMHO.

Edited by Batya33
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