Worried about child behaviors/signs of adhd or sensory issue?

[redsox22]

As an educator with over 20 years of experience I can tell you that this is not typical behavior for a 3 year old. I would strongly encourage you to seek out an evaluation with a developmental pediatrician and an OT.  Early intervention is key and can make a huge difference down the road. Waiting until school age delays help and issue will only worsen and be harder to address.  

Please do not blame yourself here. It sounds like you are doing the right things.  Your daughter needs an evaluation so she can receive targeted help and you can learn to help her as well. 

I am happy discuss further if you'd like.

 

 

 

Edited December 9, 2021 by redsox22

[adee07]

3 hours ago, redsox22 said:

As an educator with over 20 years of experience I can tell you that this is not typical behavior for a 3 year old. I would strongly encourage you to seek out an evaluation with a developmental pediatrician and an OT.  Early intervention is key and can make a huge difference down the road. Waiting until school age delays help and issue will only worsen and be harder to address.  

Please do not blame yourself here. It sounds like you are doing the right things.  Your daughter needs an evaluation so she can receive targeted help and you can learn to help her as well. 

I am happy discuss further if you'd like.

 

 

 

Thank you for your professional input! It's been a hard thing to figure out when everyone in our personal lives keep telling us that she's perfectly normal, just more strong willed and daring. We've been told to give her time because it's a hard age since yes, toddlers have short attention spans and all that. It's interesting because at home, for the most part, she's able to listen and calm down when upset etc. Yes she's very active, but otherwise ok. It's any sort of social environment we've started to notice her change...like she's in a zone almost and just won't or can't listen. Screams if you try to talk to her about naughty behavior or anything along those lines etc. I guess we thought maybe daycare would tell us if something seemed odd too, but we haven't heard a word besides the fact that she says NO a lot (to picking up toys etc). 

It's very overwhelming, but at this point it feels like she should be evaluated and if they say she seems fine, then great, but I worry about holding off like you mentioned in case there is something up with her. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, adee07 said:

Thank you for your professional input! It's been a hard thing to figure out when everyone in our personal lives keep telling us that she's perfectly normal, just more strong willed and daring. We've been told to give her time because it's a hard age since yes, toddlers have short attention spans and all that. It's interesting because at home, for the most part, she's able to listen and calm down when upset etc. Yes she's very active, but otherwise ok. It's any sort of social environment we've started to notice her change...like she's in a zone almost and just won't or can't listen. Screams if you try to talk to her about naughty behavior or anything along those lines etc. I guess we thought maybe daycare would tell us if something seemed odd too, but we haven't heard a word besides the fact that she says NO a lot (to picking up toys etc). 

It's very overwhelming, but at this point it feels like she should be evaluated and if they say she seems fine, then great, but I worry about holding off like you mentioned in case there is something up with her. 

Also check out Janet Lansbury's writings and also watch old Super Nanny episodes, in addition to an evaluation.  Also consider that how you try to talk about her being "naughty" might not be effective.  For one thing how about something like "I see you're having a rough time" instead of telling her it's bad behavior or she is naughty.  Also what kind of positive reinforcement do you give her?  Not gushy but I mean how often do you notice her doing something right.  "I see you put your toys away when I asked" or "you stayed still in the store when I asked you to"

[boltnrun]

13 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Also what kind of positive reinforcement do you give her?

This is key.

Instead of rewarding bad behavior with treats, reward good behavior with something she likes. 

For example, you said your mom gives her a treat to have in the car when she misbehaves, framing it as a reward if she stops misbehaving. Does she also offer her a treat when she's good and hasn't misbehaved? Otherwise an intelligent child (which it seems your daughter is) will conclude "Granny gives me a cupcake to eat in the car when I act bad. I guess acting bad means I get a treat, so I should act bad!"

Children are amazingly smart. And remember, they learn as very small infants that crying gets them food and cuddles. They won't change that behavior unless they're taught.

But again, I still think professional consultations are a good idea.

[Seraphim]

Just to be aware if your child is neurodivergent bribery and otherwise trying tactics to bribe  compliance will probably backfire. Every behaviour communicates a need. Find out what the needs are. 

Edited December 9, 2021 by Seraphim

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

This is key.

Instead of rewarding bad behavior with treats, reward good behavior with something she likes. 

For example, you said your mom gives her a treat to have in the car when she misbehaves, framing it as a reward if she stops misbehaving. Does she also offer her a treat when she's good and hasn't misbehaved? Otherwise an intelligent child (which it seems your daughter is) will conclude "Granny gives me a cupcake to eat in the car when I act bad. I guess acting bad means I get a treat, so I should act bad!"

Children are amazingly smart. And remember, they learn as very small infants that crying gets them food and cuddles. They won't change that behavior unless they're taught.

But again, I still think professional consultations are a good idea.

So I give rewards for going the extra mile but not for doing what is expected.  If it's expected I may "notice" but not gush.  And typically a reward can be a privilege -more screen time, or can stay up later (you know depending on age). Yes I used M&Ms as bribes for potty training, you bet!  Also I find that ignoring negative behavior if possible is good - attention is attention and is craved even if for "being naughty".  

[adee07]

Thank you all for your positive input/feedback, it's much appreciated! We've definitely been trying some of the things you've touched on such as ignoring bad behavior and acknowledging good things. For example tonight at home, she came over to me nicely and asked "mommy can you please get me my milk, please?" And I thanked her for asking so nicely and she smiled. Seems very simple, but for her to calmly ask and wait for a response was big for her. 

We had another big meltdown today at daycare pick up. She was refusing to get in the car to go home. Yelling, crying. It took about 10minutes to calm her down enough to get her buckled in. She was hitting/kicking and didn't want to be restrained in her seat. It's just things like this that can be very overwhelming. We try different tactics, but haven't found anything real solid to help calm her down. We just have to hope she comes around quickly. 

We started to look into some local professionals and plan to send a message out to her doctor as well for any recommendations on any type of therapist to possibly evaluate her. I know @Batya33mentioned watching old episodes of super nanny and I might do this as well, I remember watching that show when I was younger! 

[Jibralta]

On 12/8/2021 at 5:00 PM, adee07 said:

It makes me wonder if we're just not meeting her needs somewhere whether it be how to handle her emotions or if anything else is going on that's holding her back.  Honestly, she doesn't show any developmental issues otherwise.  She learned her colors and how to count very early on and has been speaking in full sentences for a long while now.  But we just cannot figure out the tantrums/attitude/screaming.

This reminds me of a little girl, Layla, that my friend Rachel used to watch. For a three year old, her sentence structure was incredible. She actually spoke with eloquence! She was super perceptive, sharp as a tack, gregarious, very inquisitive, and well-behaved. She handled Rachel's dogs with respect, and they respected her back. Layla was real wonder--it was almost funny how bright she was. I couldn't believe my friend when she told me that this amazing, precious little girl was a terror to her parents. I met the mom once. She was very sweet, energetic.... and flighty. My impression of her was that she was a bit of a people-pleaser and wanted to hand off authority quickly.

One day, Rachel and I went out for lunch and we had Layla with us. It was the first (and only) time I ever saw Layla try to misbehave--Try. Because the second that little brow started to furrow--and you could tell she was getting ready to scream--Rachel said quietly but sternly, "Hey. We don't do that missy." She didn't even look at Layla--she was digging through her purse as she said it. There was no anger, no stress. Just calm, absolute authority. The little crinkles on Layla's brow disappeared and she was smiling and chattering away happily. I was like, Did that just happen....? They had obviously had this discussion before.

My takeaway from that experience was that Layla was way smarter than her parents gave her credit for. They didn't take her as seriously as they needed to. Meanwhile, Layla had their numbers, and knew exactly how to play them.

I wonder if this is why the daycare provider seems to brush off or shrug at your questions--she may not find your daughter's personality to be very challenging.

On 12/8/2021 at 4:32 PM, boltnrun said:

How is she at "school"? Does she exhibit the same behaviors?

On 12/8/2021 at 4:36 PM, adee07 said:

When I've tried to bring things up gently recently, I feel like our daycare lady sort of brushes me off or shrugs, acting like it's not a huge deal.  I guess we have sort of thought "ok maybe she does ok there otherwise you'd think we'd be told?" 

Why are you asking "gently" by the way? What exactly does that mean?

  

 

Edited December 10, 2021 by Jibralta

[adee07]

4 hours ago, Jibralta said:

This reminds me of a little girl, Layla, that my friend Rachel used to watch. For a three year old, her sentence structure was incredible. She actually spoke with eloquence! She was super perceptive, sharp as a tack, gregarious, very inquisitive, and well-behaved. She handled Rachel's dogs with respect, and they respected her back. Layla was real wonder--it was almost funny how bright she was. I couldn't believe my friend when she told me that this amazing, precious little girl was a terror to her parents. I met the mom once. She was very sweet, energetic.... and flighty. My impression of her was that she was a bit of a people-pleaser and wanted to hand off authority quickly.

One day, Rachel and I went out for lunch and we had Layla with us. It was the first (and only) time I ever saw Layla try to misbehave--Try. Because the second that little brow started to furrow--and you could tell she was getting ready to scream--Rachel said quietly but sternly, "Hey. We don't do that missy." She didn't even look at Layla--she was digging through her purse as she said it. There was no anger, no stress. Just calm, absolute authority. The little crinkles on Layla's brow disappeared and she was smiling and chattering away happily. I was like, Did that just happen....? They had obviously had this discussion before.

My takeaway from that experience was that Layla was way smarter than her parents gave her credit for. They didn't take her as seriously as they needed to. Meanwhile, Layla had their numbers, and knew exactly how to play them.

I wonder if this is why the daycare provider seems to brush off or shrug at your questions--she may not find your daughter's personality to be very challenging.

Why are you asking "gently" by the way? What exactly does that mean?

  

 

I suppose I'm not sure if "gently" was the right word. Honestly, I've always had a very introverted personality myself, I'd be perfectly content being at home 95% of the time. My point in saying this is that I've always struggled a bit to speak up to other adults. It's my own anxiety that I've had since i was 14. Don't get me wrong, I've come a very long way, especially since becoming a mom, but I just feel awkward at times talking to other adults(unless someone really makes me mad, then I seem to overreact without a care). I'm told by many that I don't come across shy at all and that I'm actually very well spoken (I get compliments all the time from my patients), however it just feels hard inside lol 

So when it comes to asking our daycare provider, sometimes there's just a lot going on, kids running around etc and so I've tried to say "I'm not sure if she does it here, but at home she's been spitting at us when she's mad" and this is when our daycare lady just shrugs and will carry on telling a child to sit down or what not, so I let it go. Our daycare lady has been in business for 30yrs, so I know she's had a lot of kids and she does seem very used to kids misbehaving, but I just wonder if our daughter needs a different, more involved environment. We've definitely had people tell us that she's very smart.

[Seraphim]

33 minutes ago, adee07 said:

I suppose I'm not sure if "gently" was the right word. Honestly, I've always had a very introverted personality myself, I'd be perfectly content being at home 95% of the time. My point in saying this is that I've always struggled a bit to speak up to other adults. It's my own anxiety that I've had since i was 14. Don't get me wrong, I've come a very long way, especially since becoming a mom, but I just feel awkward at times talking to other adults(unless someone really makes me mad, then I seem to overreact without a care). I'm told by many that I don't come across shy at all and that I'm actually very well spoken (I get compliments all the time from my patients), however it just feels hard inside lol 

So when it comes to asking our daycare provider, sometimes there's just a lot going on, kids running around etc and so I've tried to say "I'm not sure if she does it here, but at home she's been spitting at us when she's mad" and this is when our daycare lady just shrugs and will carry on telling a child to sit down or what not, so I let it go. Our daycare lady has been in business for 30yrs, so I know she's had a lot of kids and she does seem very used to kids misbehaving, but I just wonder if our daughter needs a different, more involved environment. We've definitely had people tell us that she's very smart.

As a daycare owner I can tell you there is very little you can do in terms of behaviour unless you want to be saddled with abuse allegations. Some parents get upset if you even look at their kids sideways. 
 

Also while we love the kids we try not to tie ourselves in knots about things because ultimately they are not our children and we are not going to make a huge impact if something is done completely different at home . 

[Batya33]

33 minutes ago, adee07 said:

I suppose I'm not sure if "gently" was the right word. Honestly, I've always had a very introverted personality myself, I'd be perfectly content being at home 95% of the time. My point in saying this is that I've always struggled a bit to speak up to other adults. It's my own anxiety that I've had since i was 14. Don't get me wrong, I've come a very long way, especially since becoming a mom, but I just feel awkward at times talking to other adults(unless someone really makes me mad, then I seem to overreact without a care). I'm told by many that I don't come across shy at all and that I'm actually very well spoken (I get compliments all the time from my patients), however it just feels hard inside lol 

I am proud of you for trying to overcome this for the sake of your child -because if it turns out -if she has special needs and or learning differences -you have to be the strongest advocate for your child just like your husband/dad.  I don't have the issues you do standing up for myself but I have others I'm sure -we all have our parenting challenges!  But I am Mama Bear.  I try to be Polite and Diplomatic MB  - but I am MB.  The end.  I have immense respect for educators.  (Especially now!).  I was one in a former life.  And.  When a teacher (she happened to be a para if that matters) accused my son of exposing himself in the school bathroom when he was 6 years old (!!) - and I knew he hadn't (I knew he had trouble getting his clothing back in order and might have been clumsy about it such that it looked that way) I was all over it.  Why shame him when you're hearing this second hand from other kindergarteners? Was I "gentle?"  Nope.  Civil, yes. 

When a camp counselor loudly gossipped with her friends about how my son was acting like a brat -and he and others heard this - I acknowledged of course he may have been misbehaving and---I was all over the moronic behavior of this counselor.  And at the same time yes I addressed with my son what was going on with his behavior.  You can do both.  

Find your voice for your child.  Sounds like you are working on that already.  Gentle is fine when it's "oh that's ok that the van driver ran over all the kids' lunch boxes he didn't see in the driveway" (true story) or "yes I'll talk to him about how he can't hop around the perimeter of his mat at nap time, thanks!" but stand tall, show confidence -fake it till you make it - and don't take brush offs or dismissals from educators when it's about getting to the bottom of what's going on in the classroom.  Keep paper trails of all your communications.  And don't be afraid to forward them if you have to escalate an issue.  You are paying them to teach and care for your child -or paying taxes if public.  Your child matters and especially if there are learning differences or behavioral challenges.  Good luck!  

[Batya33]

13 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

As a daycare owner I can tell you there is very little you can do in terms of behaviour unless you want to be saddled with abuse allegations. Some parents get upset if you even look at their kids sideways.

When I worked in daycare in the 1980s we had to document in writing any boo boo or "incident"  (for example if someone had to restrain a child from hurting himself or others and the child then fell during it, etc)- and I will tell you a very experienced amazing head teacher quit - she had to change a 3 year old  or 4 who had had an accident (potty trained was a requirement -no diapers) and made the mistake of not having another adult in the bathroom.  The child I believe claimed she'd done something inappropriate/abusive - to all my knowledge I mean -this was just not true.  But she resigned.  After all those years.  Because she couldn't deal having to be subjected to these accusations, etc.  She was d.o.n.e.  I was 20 at the time and was shocked.  

 

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

When I worked in daycare in the 1980s we had to document in writing any boo boo or "incident"  (for example if someone had to restrain a child from hurting himself or others and the child then fell during it, etc)- and I will tell you a very experienced amazing head teacher quit - she had to change a 3 year old  or 4 who had had an accident (potty trained was a requirement -no diapers) and made the mistake of not having another adult in the bathroom.  The child I believe claimed she'd done something inappropriate/abusive - to all my knowledge I mean -this was just not true.  But she resigned.  After all those years.  Because she couldn't deal having to be subjected to these accusations, etc.  She was d.o.n.e.  I was 20 at the time and was shocked.  

 

Yup, it is very risky looking after other people’s kids . Also as an independent I have zero to back me up in an allegation, no union, nothing therefore we are encouraged to carry multi million dollar riders on our daycare insurance just in case . 

[arjumand]

Long ago (Like 18 years) when my daughter was in daycare/preschool as a 2-year-old, I found out that every day she would have a tantrum and one of the teachers would have to carry her out of the room until she calmed down. I was appalled and wanted to know why, if this had been going on for months, no one had told me about it. And the director, who was amazing, said to me, "What could you do about that?" And she was right, I couldn't do anything about her being 2 and in day care. She grew out of it, they had good discipline, we had good discipline. And now you would never know :). 

[adee07]

1 minute ago, arjumand said:

Long ago (Like 18 years) when my daughter was in daycare/preschool as a 2-year-old, I found out that every day she would have a tantrum and one of the teachers would have to carry her out of the room until she calmed down. I was appalled and wanted to know why, if this had been going on for months, no one had told me about it. And the director, who was amazing, said to me, "What could you do about that?" And she was right, I couldn't do anything about her being 2 and in day care. She grew out of it, they had good discipline, we had good discipline. And now you would never know :). 

This sounds like your daughter was in a great daycare, or at least had caring, knowledgeable staff to address any issues.  I believe this is what we've come to realize is missing from our current daycare.  The provider almost seems like she's just "over it" as I've seen her yell at kids many times and I've never seen her talk to them calmly or take the time to explain things. However, that being said, I'm obviously only there a few minutes a day so I may be missing it during the day....but she comes across as pretty rough. Only a week ago, I dropped my daughter off and she ran over to another girl as I was talking to the daycare provider.  The girls were sort of out of my view, but we all the sudden heard yelling and "NO I HAD IT FIRST!" and the daycare lady basically walked over and yelled my daughter's name and "GET OFF HER!" (we definitely have issues sharing)....but then both girls started crying and our daycare lady just basically rolled her eyes and walked away. I felt terrible and I called my daughter over and asked if she'd like another hug before I left and she did. I then told her that she needed to share nicely with the other kids and I said "have a good day, I will see you after work." It just doesn't sit well with me to have someone flat out scream at my child and then leave her to cry. I'm absolutely for discussing things with her and time-outs if she's being rough and not listening etc but to just leave her sit there? Ugh. This is just a long winded way of saying we've started to see things like this recently that make us wonder if this environment is causing issues in our lives with her behavior.  However, we are trying like crazy to find a new place but EVERYWHERE in our area is unfortunately full. The soonest we can find right now is this upcoming summer. We are on the wait list! 

Thank you for sharing your story!

[Seraphim]

The yelling definitely needs to go . That is not good. But hugging for misbehaving? Um, nope. Hugging comes after you made amends to your little friend. But after 30 years of childcare she most likely is beyond burned out , it is also body destroying. Imagine your child as 1,2 or 3 for the next 30 years. Your mind and body would be frazzled beyond belief. 

[adee07]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

The yelling definitely needs to go . That is not good. But hugging for misbehaving? Um, nope. Hugging comes after you made amends to your little friend. But after 30 years of childcare she most likely is beyond burned out , it is also body destroying. Imagine your child as 1,2 or 3 for the next 30 years. Your mind and body would be frazzled beyond belief. 

Yes, I give childcare providers a lot of credit for what they do. I can't imagine being around very young children all day everyday! The reason I gave her a hug was because I had very limited time, needed to get to work, and we did not see what actually happened in the situation, therefore I didn't want to start a disciplinary action at the time. I wanted her to feel loved as she was clearly upset, but also wanted to remind her she needs to share with the others and listen to her daycare provider. But I completely understand where you're coming from-when we know she's done something wrong she definitely doesn't get a hug for it! 

Our daycare lady is honestly a very lazy person. She has a big computer set up right in the daycare room and she sits on facebook and shops online constantly. I know this because it's always on the screen and we are friends on facebook-she posts a million things a day.  Has always bugged me that we pay her and she's online a lot.  She also does not take care of herself. She is very obese, has diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. She has shared all these things with me and she leaves often to go to doctor appts. She orders out food constantly and goes to wineries left and right. Of course I would never knock someone for doing things that make them happy/relieve stress, but I just wonder if being so unhealthy contributes to her attitude as well. 

Yesterday, my daughter and I walked in for drop off to her YELLING at a child (I would guess he's around 8-9yrs old). I had to leave quickly because I was called to another location for work, but as I was walking out the door she was yelling "GET OFF YOUR LAZY BUTT AND GET IT!"   I just cringed leaving my daughter there. Don't get me wrong-she has been a nice person to us. She has given us things from rummage sales (clothes, toys) but we've just not had great gut feelings anymore witnessing more things like this. 

[redsox22]

Your daughter's current child care provider does not seem like a good fit.  Good for you for trying to find another place for her.  It you have the option, Montessori is a great option.  "Grace and Courtesy" is part of the curriculum and helping children navigate social situations, conflict resolution and learning to express themselves is a huge part of it.  No one should be yelling at your child and walking away.  These are the opportunities for learning and growth.  I would imagine that even if her current environment is not causing these behavior challenges, they are certainly not helping in any way. It doesn't sound like she is being listen to and respected and is not being taught more appropriate ways of getting her needs met.  She deserves better than that.

[redsox22]

Wow- I just read your last entry.  What you are describing is NOT OK!  Is this a licensed childcare?  Her behavior is negligent and abusive and should be reported.  No matter how nice she is to you  in person, if she is treating the children in this manner when parents are present, I can only imagine how she treats them them when no parents are around.  Please please please do what you can to get your daughter out of there sooner rather than later. Maybe a nanny share, a relative can help while you wait for a spot to open elsewhere?  Hugs to you.

[Seraphim]

14 minutes ago, adee07 said:

Yes, I give childcare providers a lot of credit for what they do. I can't imagine being around very young children all day everyday! The reason I gave her a hug was because I had very limited time, needed to get to work, and we did not see what actually happened in the situation, therefore I didn't want to start a disciplinary action at the time. I wanted her to feel loved as she was clearly upset, but also wanted to remind her she needs to share with the others and listen to her daycare provider. But I completely understand where you're coming from-when we know she's done something wrong she definitely doesn't get a hug for it! 

Our daycare lady is honestly a very lazy person. She has a big computer set up right in the daycare room and she sits on facebook and shops online constantly. I know this because it's always on the screen and we are friends on facebook-she posts a million things a day.  Has always bugged me that we pay her and she's online a lot.  She also does not take care of herself. She is very obese, has diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. She has shared all these things with me and she leaves often to go to doctor appts. She orders out food constantly and goes to wineries left and right. Of course I would never knock someone for doing things that make them happy/relieve stress, but I just wonder if being so unhealthy contributes to her attitude as well. 

Yesterday, my daughter and I walked in for drop off to her YELLING at a child (I would guess he's around 8-9yrs old). I had to leave quickly because I was called to another location for work, but as I was walking out the door she was yelling "GET OFF YOUR LAZY BUTT AND GET IT!"   I just cringed leaving my daughter there. Don't get me wrong-she has been a nice person to us. She has given us things from rummage sales (clothes, toys) but we've just not had great gut feelings anymore witnessing more things like this. 

I get that you don’t like her. And yes she is worn out. However , body shaming not necessary. I have high blood pressure and diabetes as it is very prevalent in my paternal family. It doesn’t make someone a bad person . The fact that she is clearly done as a provider is something different . 
 

Also you hugging your daughter because she is distressed ok, but a provider has five kids to worry about for their happiness and health and safety. They can’t prefer one child over another . It has  to be fair rules for everybody.

Edited December 10, 2021 by Seraphim

[adee07]

8 minutes ago, redsox22 said:

Wow- I just read your last entry.  What you are describing is NOT OK!  Is this a licensed childcare?  Her behavior is negligent and abusive and should be reported.  No matter how nice she is to you  in person, if she is treating the children in this manner when parents are present, I can only imagine how she treats them them when no parents are around.  Please please please do what you can to get your daughter out of there sooner rather than later. Maybe a nanny share, a relative can help while you wait for a spot to open elsewhere?  Hugs to you.

These have been our thoughts as well....if I'm seeing these things when I'm there, how on earth does she act when we're not there? However, I guess our thought process was if she was that bad to them, wouldn't our daughter be upset about going there? I suppose she's just not been old enough to express these things in the past, but I thought maybe she'd be upset/cry about being left there but she's always happy to run off and start playing. We could play a guessing game forever I suppose lol But yes, even as I'm typing these stories now it really has made me think about all these red flags for behavior. I agree that maybe there could still be something out of sorts for our girl's behavior, but this atmosphere most likely isn't helping anything. I sent out another email this morning to check on a wait list for a different place. Thank you for the support!

 

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I get that you don’t like her. And yes she is worn out. However , body shaming not necessary. I have high blood pressure and diabetes as it is very prevalent in my paternal family. It doesn’t make someone a bad person . The fact that she is clearly done as a provider is something different . 

I'm definitely not body shaming, sorry if you took offense. I was just trying to get the point across that she has these health conditions, but does nothing to help herself. Just yesterday she was bragging about having Olive Garden for dinner. It's always some greasy, unhealthy meal (she posts these on facebook) and she has shared with me her lab results etc so I know she's definitely in need of some change, but she just doesn't seem to care too much or maybe struggles with an addiction here, honestly I'm not sure! But I just think when you feel miserable, or your body is not in the best shape, it's got to make it difficult to do things such as keep up with toddlers all day. Therefore maybe that's where some of her quick-to-yell behavior comes from? Either way, I just don't think she's in the right field of work anymore. I know she's looking to retire in the next few years, so I'm sure she's just in this "f*ck it" mode (she makes comments like this quite a bit about things). These things do not come from an uneducated place either. I know a lot of people do make judgements on others when they know nothing about healthcare/nutrition etc. I've worked in healthcare in different areas for 12 years now and have been back to college twice so I like to believe I have a good understanding of a few topics when it comes to health 🙂 

All this being said, I know she feeds a lot of junk food to the kids too and I'm wondering if this ever has anything to do with impacting my daughter's behavior. We by no means are perfect, but we don't keep much junk food in our house and we try to go for things like fruits, grains, yogurt with an occasional treat for our daughter such as pudding or chocolate. I've heard/read some interesting things on sugar, food dyes, etc being linked to behavior issues as well......man it's so hard to know what's causing issues!! I suppose that's why I'm not a professional in behavioral/mental health! 

[Seraphim]

I definitely work on my self and don’t want to die the way my father did. That is for sure. I don’t eat junk and definitely don’t feed it to my daycare kiddos. My worst items for myself are diet pop and popcorn. It can be draining as a diabetic though; you only want to eat so much lettuce and broccoli before you are done . 
 

She definitely can’t handle being a provider anymore and I would get your daughter out. 

[boltnrun]

Can you hire someone to care for your daughter in your home until you can get her into a new daycare? Or find one that is based out of someone's home? 

I removed my son from a daycare when I saw the method they used to wake the kids up from nap time was to kick their cots, and when they disciplined my three (!) year old son for not knowing how to write his name (he's left handed, btw). I switched to a church based daycare and he was much better cared for there.

Any other options you can explore?

[Seraphim]

Nannies are another option but typically more expensive than daycare however you have more control as it is in your home . 

Edited December 10, 2021 by Seraphim

[boltnrun]

Just now, Seraphim said:

Nannies are another option but typically more expensive than daycare however you have more control as it is in your home . 

I had a college age young woman come in. She was studying to work in childcare so she had some book knowledge, but she was also warm and engaging. Plus, no worries about my kids being fed junk since we had no junk in our home. And it wasn't super costly either.