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Husband has screenshots of another woman


Gem757
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Hi there

Just as the title says really. My husband and I have gone through a really tough year. We broke up for a couple of months at the beginning of the year as I was unhappy with the way out marriage was working out. But after a couple of months we decided to work through it. Not long after I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd.

Whilst he was shopping this morning his accountant text him asking for a receipt. He’d left his work phone at home and asked me to check for it on his screenshots. He’d said it would be one of the first but I couldn’t see it so whilst scrolling through the photos I came across a screenshot of a woman taken a few weeks ago.
it’s taken from her Facebook page but she’s dressed In a very skimpy dress. She is an ex colleague of his. So he knows her personally. She also has mutual friends of ours. 

checking through recently deleted photos there were 2 other screenshots of her but he chose to keep the sexier picture. This is the first time he’s done this. I feel creeped out/ slightly sick. My heads all over wondering what this woman means to him. He worked with her when we were married and didn’t know her before.

I don’t know what to do? Do I confront him? Has anyone been through this before? Am I overreacting?

our sex life hasn’t been great. And we’re still very much working through some of our previous issues. 

thanks!

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I would calmly ask him about this. When you are both relaxed and no excuse for him to have to leave to avoid the question. 

Calmly explain, when he asked you to look in his phone you saw the picture.  Why does he have it? Let him talk. 

Try to stay calm. If he tries to gas light and say you're over reacting, I would not accept that.

Ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned. If you had pics of a guy in your phone.

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2 hours ago, Gem757 said:

We broke up for a couple of months at the beginning of the year as I was unhappy with the way out marriage was working out. But after a couple of months we decided to work through it. Not long after I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd.

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been married? How old is he? 

What were the marital issues that led to being separated? Has any of that been resolved?

How long has the sex/intimacy been missing?

As far as pics of a collogue, they are not pics she sent him? It's unclear why he has them, if they are not sexting or having an affair. Basically it's just another symptom of a broken marriage.

You need to start laying the cards on the table about your marital discord. Do so with the guidance of a trained qualified therapist who can offer support and a safe place to start the conversation.

 

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2 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

If he has zero inappropriate texts or emails, then chalk it up to it being for his spank bank.   It's a screen shot, not a downloaded or shared pic.  If he hasn't been acting off or weird, I'd let it go.

^This was exactly my first thought as well. 

That said, if your marriage is still on the rocks and your sex life is circling the drain, I wouldn't stick my head in the sand and start addressing what's going on in your marriage, including this. He knew you'd see the pic, so either he doesn't place any value on it at all as per above, or he wants you to know he has a  roving eye.

What caused you to separate earlier?

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3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

When you broke up were you unhappy with this type of issue you now face? What things worked out over a few months such that you decided to expand your family? Are you in marital counseling?

I second this.  You two broke up beginning of the year.. then began to try again after only a few months.. So, why the BU?

If there were some issue's at hand, in no way would they be resolved at all in such short of a time.

I think it is time to look at all going on.  Is he doing this due to uncertainties between you two? Is he maybe continuing something he was doing previously- possibly while apart?  Did you two get back together ( or him come back your way) only because you are expecting again?

Some things you need to consider...

So, maybe with mention of this pic you found ( if you choose to), you two discuss a lot more of what's going on.  Are you going to truly try again?  Are you BOTH fully into this? etc. If so, then yes, some prof help may be in order, counselling.

 

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Don't overact to the picture.   That will only serve to drive a further wedge between you. 

After all, you were separated. And you say that you were the one who instigated the break up. And you also say that your sex life hasn't been great-  Would you rather he actually sleep with someone else or use a picture? Most men are going to seek release somehow.  And TBH, since you are the one that asked for the separation in the first place, then it's really unfair for you to judge how he chose to cope with it.  I would HIGHLY advise you NOT to make a big deal of this.  It will NOT help you or your marriage in ANY way.  

You don't mention what your other issues were?   But I will say this, don't search for more trouble.  You have to decide if you really want this to work out or if you're already looking for ways to sabotage a reconciliation because you already know it's not what you want. 

Would you still be seeking a reconciliation if you weren't pregnant?

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