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Worried about something I found out about this girl...


Seymore
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English Conversation About A Friend
English Conversation About A Friend
2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes, if she's willing and transparent about this it tends to show she may have had nothing to do with it.  But if she knew about it and didn't report I'd be really, really concerned.  Just me.

I agree.  If she turned the other way and chose to ignore or disregard abuse that took place in her presence she could be held liable.  Not as liable as the perpetrators of course, but still liable.

She is certainly entitled to her day in court and she is innocent until proven guilty.  It's up to you if you want to align yourself with someone in that situation.

As an aside, I used to date a man whose soon to be ex wife accused him of sexually abusing their daughters.  She informed the board of the soccer league the daughters played in.  He was banned permanently from the league and couldn't even attend games.  His wife later admitted to making up the charges because she didn't want the divorce, but the damage was done.  So false accusations can happen.

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11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

If she turned the other way and chose to ignore or disregard abuse that took place in her presence she could be held liable.  Not as liable as the perpetrators of course, but still liable.

My main issue would be her morality and values not the legal stuff.

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27 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I agree.  If she turned the other way and chose to ignore or disregard abuse that took place in her presence she could be held liable.  Not as liable as the perpetrators of course, but still liable.

She is certainly entitled to her day in court and she is innocent until proven guilty.  It's up to you if you want to align yourself with someone in that situation.

As an aside, I used to date a man whose soon to be ex wife accused him of sexually abusing their daughters.  She informed the board of the soccer league the daughters played in.  He was banned permanently from the league and couldn't even attend games.  His wife later admitted to making up the charges because she didn't want the divorce, but the damage was done.  So false accusations can happen.

I won't get into details and make this a super long post, but she said she had proof refuting every single accusation against her and has no fear of anything happening to her. She also outlined the accusations against her managers, what was reported and what really happened. She was very transparent about things and where the investigation was at, etc.

She had over 1,000 photos on her phone of her with her students, and the way she talked about them I have a hard time believing she would do anything damaging to them. 

Maybe things are false, maybe they're true. But the time I spent with her last night made me feel better about her. Still cautious of course, and trying to take my time.

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1 hour ago, Andrina said:

Is a woman who is a regular at a bar, and seems close to the bartender, someone a person whose attempting a lifetime of sobriety an optimum person to date?

That part honestly doesn't bother me. My concern would be if she was the type who couldn't stop, or was obnoxious and embarrassing to be around. She didn't even get drunk.

Most of my friends drink AND smoke pot...and they (as well as this girl) respect my decision. I just learned that I don't want it, and I'd rather watch others enjoy themselves, than party myself.

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1 hour ago, Seymore said:

she said she had proof refuting every single accusation against her and has no fear of anything happening to her. She also outlined the accusations against her managers, what was reported and what really happened. She was very transparent about things and where the investigation was at, etc.

She may lose her job or they may shut the place down, whether or not she was involved directly or indirectly by being complicit.

That's ok. You need to base your understanding of her on your own experiences as you get to know each other. Just take your time, pace yourself.

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7 hours ago, Batya33 said:

My main issue would be her morality and values not the legal stuff.

Exactly.  I was just pointing out to the OP that there are legal issues as well.

If I met someone who witnessed abuse and did nothing to attempt to stop it or didn't report it to the proper authorities, I wouldn't want anything to do with that person. It wouldn't matter to me whether or not they had proof THEY didn't abuse anyone, I would want to know they did whatever they could to intervene or report it.

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