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Girl isn't ready for exclusivity or something serious


jazz_lover
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I can only understand she is not considering this relationship seriously then why are you. If you won't stop here, may end up withba broken heart, so move on. She has given you many hints about your relation with her by considering you as a "friend only". You may see a future but she is not.  

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Relationship ended three weeks ago. She didn't even want to stay friends. Not that I would have accepted it. But the ease at which she was able to simply cut off contact after texting me every day for the previous four months caught me by surprise. Especially as we'd been spending so much time together after Christmas. But I guess she got bored and fed up with me and the benefits (i.e. food, entertainment, drinks) no longer seemed worth it. 

 

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7 hours ago, jazz_lover said:

 I guess she got bored and fed up with me and the benefits (i.e. food, entertainment, drinks) no longer seemed worth it.

You need to get more involved in life. Stewing around at home bored and ruminating is how you got caught up in this party girl floozie.

This was never a relationship. It was 16 weeks of FWB and buying her drinks interspersed with attempts at bad sex and ED.

Get involved in sports and fitness, join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get a side hustle, take some classes and courses.

Your life is lonely and boring and this lively floozie entertained you and you paid for that entertainment.

See your physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss the ED, anxiety ruminating and depression. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

When you're in a better place, you'll make better choices.

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MissCanuck what makes you think that? I have a few suspicions. The timeline for me was very confusing. Middle of December she wanted to go on a staycation together and wanted me to meet her best friends and introduce me as her boyfriend and wanted to spend Christmas with my family and NYE together. Then she catches COVID and isolates for 10 days and starts texting me less and less. But then from Christmas she wants to do things pretty much every other day and spends the whole weekend with me over the New Year and then a week later breaks up with me on the trip and cuts off contact completely aside from occasional texts to arrange to collect her stuff. It just all feels so unnecessary. She obviously realized over her COVID isolation that she didn't want to be with me and most likely was lining up other guys on dating apps . So why bother marking special occasions like Christmas and NYE with me? 

And thanks for the advice Wiseman2. You are right. Lockdown wasn't very kind on me and she brought some excitement to my life as well as giving me attention and keeping me company. But agreed I need to get myself into a better place before I start dating again. 

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It doesnt make sense to you because your narrative doesnt make sense. My take is she was actually into you and trying to progress the relationship, but you lacked the courage to ask for commitment while secretly, but I am willing to bet not so secretly, suspecting her of dating around and using you. She picked up on your growing resentment and disdain during her quarantine, and after attempting to revive the relationship afterwards, she broke ties for her own wellbeing and sanity. 

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I'm with you Wayward Kiwi. All I've seen from jazz_lover are complaints about this girl's character and behavior. Of course she picked up on his resentment. The same happened to me once. I liked the guy, but once our relationship got underway, he always seemed to be angry with me. He never had outbursts; it was always under the surface. Even on good days, there was always an undercurrent of dissatisfaction from him, and it always seemed to be pointed at me, like it was my fault.

I remember one time, I was trying a new type of sushi (scallop) and I gave him a piece to try as well. When he didn't like it he was actually upset with me! I actually saw blame in his eyes lol. Another time, I was looking around for a recycling receptable and he said, "I didn't know you cared about things like the environment." These are very specific, standout examples with clear (if absurd) triggers. But most of the time there was no defined trigger and he was just resentful of me.

I think he was dating an imaginary woman. It didn't matter who I really was; he was just going to see an enemy. That relationship lasted for seven months. Probably too long, but I'm a slow decisionmaker. When I broke up with him, I thought he'd be relieved. But he actually cried!

I still don't understand that guy. Something is unhappy inside of him. But that stopped being my problem when I left.

Edited by Jibralta
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1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

All I've seen from jazz_lover are complaints about this girl's character and behavior.

If her character and behavior includes him taking her to nightclub, she talking to other men, introducing him as "friend"(while she sleeps with him and he takes her on dates), and even asking him can they go to that men homes after club, I think he is allowed to complain about that.

I mean I was with you and Kiwi until that. That maybe she just wants to see if he wants her seriously and that he should show her that. Bu after that, it was pretty clear to what kind of a woman OP stumbled. And how that one would never commit to him. And that he should have some dignity and retreated way before this all escalated to the extent of him even willing to contract Covid in order to be with her and her dumping him after he took her on weekend retreat.

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Yeah I regret not walking away end of November when we were still getting along well. Something changed in December. She started pulling away, socializing a lot more (without inviting me along) and was always tired and moody when we met. We had a great date middle of December which seemed to reignite her interest and she got enthusiastic and suggested a staycation, dinner with a couple she is close to. But it feels as though we lost whatever connection we had during her isolation as she started texting me a lot less and when she did text me she was invariably sarcastic and snappy or short. 

And when her isolation ended even though she wanted to do all these activities with me she seemed bored and moody and was always finding fault with me. She spent the whole weekend with me over the New Year but then the next day wanted to reschedule the staycation so we could have a little break as she felt like it could be a bit too much. So that probably indicated she was feeling fed up with me. 

And I guess the staycation was a total disaster because she was tense about the trip and having doubts about me and I got upset because she was being cold and distant and it all escalated from there.

 

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21 minutes ago, jazz_lover said:

Yeah I regret not walking away end of November when we were still getting along well.

Have you tried dating others yet? There's no point rehashing this mess. You knew all along she was a happy barhopping divorcee who wanted guys to pay and drive. And that she would move on to the next fool to take for a ride.

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3 hours ago, jazz_lover said:

I have tried going on some dates but no one has sparked my interest and it feels like I am going through the motions. And of course difficult to avoid comparing everyone to her. 

Might be wise to step back from dating for bit and actually focus on other parts of your life - work, friends, hobbies, interests. If you are lacking in any of these, all the more reason to put work into those areas of your life. 

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