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That one dream... (Need advice)


zojsnouman
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So this is the thing. I am 18. years old, living peaceful life, waiting for college to start soon, but don't have peaceful emotional life, if i can call it like that heh. When i was 16. years old, I was in high school, spending my time playing sports, and going out with friends, and in that period of my life, i have managed to met one girl, one girl that i surely will not forget till the death and i don't know why is it like that though. We did not knew each other, but we were playing same sport, and after some time i managed to see eachother, but she was not fully sure and comfy about that because we did not knew each other, and i trully understand that. After some time, when we were going out and having fun time, we were alone, finally . Now i have to describe my emotions in that times because i think non of this will have sense when i am just typing like that: "oh well yea i was in love, blah blah blah". I was not in state to play sports, to play music, to think on the end, LITERALLY. 1 whole year passed by, and time comes by when i confessed to her, but she said to me that she was not ready for that kind of a relationship and that she don't know how it works in relationship because she didn't had boyfriend before, neither did a had a girlfriend. And that's where it all crushed me. I was every day in a state that i like to call, "mind in a black hole", for that i mean mind that nothing's there, i don't know what to say, to think, to do, literally nothing. We were hanging out same like before, it was fun, and i could see it and in me and in her, but after couple more goings out, i said to her that i don't know where this goes, and that i am crushed and blah blah, but she said that she would love to stay friends because that time that we were there, it was hell of a fun. And that is where it can't let me. I now have girlfriend and it was our 1 year anniversarry and honestly, i did not think about her quite a while. But couple days ago, i dreamt about her. I dreamt that we were holding our hands, looking at her, smiling like never before and that i was soo happy that i am spending my life with her. And when i woke up, i was crying, that never happened to me honestly. And no this is not poetry or idk some book aahahahja, i am truly honest about this, and i want to be, because, it's not letting me, it's always there, she is always there. That dream now is crushing me again like before. I don't know what to do. Maybe dreams, and that particular dream weren't something special, maybe it was just random thing, but i don't know.

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With time and distance, she will become a memory you rarely think about. I've had plenty of unrequited love interests, especially when I was a teen. Just know it's a normal part of life. 

It was unclear if you actually did stay friends, but I don't recommend that since you two have different goals and you can't properly bond with a gf when you're communicating with another girl you badly wanted to date.

And for the future, if you are single once again and interested in someone, never confess feelings when you've never even had one date. Asking someone out is "showing" interest, which doesn't need mushy words. Save that for many months later after dating for a while and the crush is progressing to a newer, more serious level.

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Have you been here with the same story before? Because it looks familiar...

Also it wasnt love, it was a simple infatuation. You are a teenager and had a crush that didnt turn up to be your girlfriend. Its not a big deal, you did right if you didnt continue that friendship and just moved on. She just wanted friendship and maybe somebody to take her out. Never believe when they say they are not sure and that they dont know what that is. Yes they are sure, they just wont tell you.

Dream is just a dream, maybe you thought subcounciously about her. Its not a big deal if you moved on from that situation. Focus on what you have in front of you aka your girlfriend. Not on some random girl that you wont even remember in a few years and that doesnt mean anything in your life right now.

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Just see it as just that.. a dream.

Yes, things like this can push a memory back up to the front for a short while but it's okay.

It happens to many, having dreams.  Is your brains way of sorting things out and we have no control over that.

You'll feel rough for a few days, but it will fade again.

Our first love is often a very memorable one. So, accept what is and realize it is okay to still think of her.  We're human, we feel.

Don't feel bad or guilty, ride these emotions and be kind to yourself. ( I often suggest to other's to journal your thoughts, etc.  It sometimes helps to 'get it out' another way.. If you find you're still kinda 'stuck', this may help you work through some things).

 

 

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14 hours ago, Madlike said:

Sorry about your loss. I’ve had something similar happen to me. question though, how come you ended up getting a girlfriend but you couldn’t ask the other girl to be your girl? Is your current GF not serious?

Welp honestly, i managed to forget about her for some time and i ended up with my girfriend via Tinder

but problem is that i confessed and asked not just first time we hang out, and she still said to me that she don't know if she need boyfriend right now, and that she likes me and that she cares about me and just all things honestly, but i don't know i stayed with her for 1 whole year, waiting for "something to change", but nothing has changed, and i decided that it will kill me evetually, mentally because i couldn't kick her out of my head, and yeah there i said that we can't be friends any more and all things...

 

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Just now, zojsnouman said:

Welp honestly, i managed to forget about her for some time and i ended up with my girfriend via Tinder

but problem is that i confessed and asked not just first time we hang out, and she still said to me that she don't know if she need boyfriend right now, and that she likes me and that she cares about me and just all things honestly, but i don't know i stayed with her for 1 whole year, waiting for "something to change", but nothing has changed, and i decided that it will kill me evetually, mentally because i couldn't kick her out of my head, and yeah there i said that we can't be friends any more and all things...

If you want and it's not serious private to you, could you text what's your story like, i would love to hear anything, literally anything about this situation because i don't know, i can't forget her, every day it's backening in my head

 

 

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10 hours ago, Andrina said:

When is the last time you've spoken to her, seen her, looked at photos of her/social media?

Last time i spoke to her was probably 1 and a half year ago, but i am seeing her 3-4 times a week literally. We say hello to each other, but nothing more than that. Just the other night, i was listening to some music that reminded me of those days and we have so much similar, speaking about music, and then i looked her photos, and photo of us and yeah, scrolling tru our dm and yeah...

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You're going to have to delete those photos and stop that behavior that's keeping you stuck at a dead-end. You're keeping her in your life by immersing yourself in looking at those photos. You can change the way you think with proper training. Since you see her in passing, start thinking of her as just another classmate. It is possible to stop having a crush on someone. She's just another pretty girl among many.

When she said she wasn't ready for a relationship, she was softening the blow instead of coming straight out to say she's just not that into you.

There isn't just one person in the world you can feel chemistry for. There isn't just one person who you will have things in common with. You have to keep moving on until you find a woman who is as crazy about you as you are of her. But when you keep your foot in the back door, it's impossible to open the front door to those possibilities.

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