I saw my ex-girlfriend making with a another guy at the bar.

[Jean1106]

I (22 M) was out last night at the bar and I saw my ex-girlfriend (22F) making out with a guy at the bar. What I am very confused about was the fact that she said she wanted to get back together at some point. She told me the reason if anything did not work out between us would not be because of another guy, but solely between us. I feel very devastated and alone at this moment. I have not been able to sleep much at all since last night and this is all that is on my mind. Any advice ?

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Jean1106 said:

I (22 M) was out last night at the bar and I saw my ex-girlfriend (22F) making out with a guy at the bar. What I am very confused about was the fact that she said she wanted to get back together at some point. She told me the reason if anything did not work out between us would not be because of another guy, but solely between us. I feel very devastated and alone at this moment. I have not been able to sleep much at all since last night and this is all that is on my mind. Any advice ?

How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? How long ago did you break up?

Do you know this guy? Just ignore her if these are the kind of games she's playing.

[Batya33]

When she said it she may have meant it.  She might just be having fun and randomly hooking up.  Or he might be her new boyfriend.  It's none of your business.  I know it hurts to see -I've been there -but you are exes.  Whatever she said might still be true -maybe she's dating around and at some point she will want to get back together. I'm sorry this happened!

[Andrina]

I'm assuming she was the one who broke up with you. In my opinion, a person who breaks up doesn't care enough. If they did, they would stick around after communicating what improvements they wanted and work through issues together, while still being a couple. (This doesn't include dealbreakers like abuse, etc. Or giving a person a chance to improve and nothing happens over time).

I believe in guardian angels, and that they make sure you find out about what you need to know. Your fantasy of who she is and what would happen didn't match the reality. Of course it's upsetting, but this will eventually pass. 

On the positive side, you are free to eventually date again to find the woman who will be crazy about you and will want to be your forever, and the feeling will be mutual. Take care.

[HeartGoesOn]

Sounds like she placed you on a shelf, while she seeks a better offer. At any rate, I wouldn't give her the option to keep you around as sloppy seconds.  

In other words don't sell yourself short. Get out there and date...life is short.

[melancholy123]

Andrina and HeartGoesOn summed it up well.

[catfeeder]

I'm sorry you had to see that. Breaking up with someone who has done nothing wrong sometimes means, "...another time in the future might have worked, but right now, I want freedom to play..."

And so, this doesn't mean she had the other guy on deck, necessarily, but she's certainly enjoying her freedom to play.

Breakups rarely if ever mean, "I intend to keep myself on a shelf for a potential reunion with you."

You're both at an age where people outgrow relationships in favor of exploration. This doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or deceptive with her, it just means that this woman was not ready to share a 'forever' investment with you.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

[Spawn]

Sorry mate i understand your pain as this has happened with me, the thing is we all are getting over the ex and any sight of them hanging out and doing whatever they want to do will hurt us. Let this pass and ensure you remain in no contact, if not yet, start it now!

Getting back together and being exclusive is not going to be anytime in near future, whatever was the cause of breakup is still fresh and hurts both. Clearly she is going about her life as she wishes too. So should you.

Move on and engage with your life instead, be a better self of yourself that will be more rewarding instead. Who knows may be you might meet your match in someone else. Life is full of possibilities!

 

[SooSad33]

She is 22.. and has that feeling she's free and will roam.

You two are not together and I know it hurts 😞 .

Is best to remain at a distance and let her live it up. Nothing more you can do.

You two broke up for reason's, so whatever caused this ( whether it be because she was uncertain, trust, etc) has to be worked out before anything could work out between you two again).

IF she is still wanting to come back to you at some point, she needs to be sure & not string you along again & again.  And whatever caused the BU needs to be fixed.

Sadly, usually a 2nd go around isn't so successful 😕 .

Meanwhile, work on yourself now and avoid anything to do with her.. No begging or chasing.. or following.

Is best you turn the other cheek and focus on just you.. or you will continue to get hurt.

One needs time to work on accepting the loss, deal with our emotions before we feel healed at all.

Give yourself that.  Time to work on accepting all of this. Be strong.

 

[Rose Mosse]

On 11/27/2021 at 8:08 AM, Jean1106 said:

I (22 M) was out last night at the bar and I saw my ex-girlfriend (22F) making out with a guy at the bar. What I am very confused about was the fact that she said she wanted to get back together at some point. She told me the reason if anything did not work out between us would not be because of another guy, but solely between us. I feel very devastated and alone at this moment. I have not been able to sleep much at all since last night and this is all that is on my mind. Any advice ?

It may not feel like it but this is a blessing in disguise. Move on. Regardless of what she said or didn't say, she is an ex and exs need to go. Free yourself and all that weight so you can find someone else who feels the same way about you.

[throoawao]

Hey Jean, first off, I'm sorry you had to experience that. That's absolutely brutal to have to experience and witness first-hand. We all know our exes move on eventually, but to see it in front of your face is a bummer.
Secondly, I want to clear up your confusion. Let's face the cliche, actions do indeed speak louder than words. She told you that there could be a future between you two, but is out hooking up with some guy at the bar. You don't know who this guy is, and there's a chance that she did not leave you for him. One thing I learned about the person who is breaking up is that they are almost never honest about the real reason why the broke up. If they tell you one reason, you can pretty much amplify it, for example, if I tell a guy I don't want to be with him because I see him more as a friend, its probably because I'm not attracted to him... see? we more often than not will not tell the real reason why we are breaking up. And truthfully, her telling you that there's a possibility of you two getting back together is just a really bad way to pacify you + to make you feel like there's hope so that if in the case she does not find someone who she wants to be with, there's always, well you. 

The bottom line is that she broke up with you telling you one thing but it is clear that she is exploring her options and seeing if she wants to be with someone else, or comparing you with others. And you shouldn't be that person. You are worth so much more than that, you are worth someone who will know they want to be with you, and not have to explore to want you. You see how silly that sounds? You're not a second option and shouldn't be for anyone, you will be a first option to someone some day, but from her actions, it does not seem to be you.

As for your stress, I feel you. I really do. Sometimes these things have lives of their own and corrupt our minds as if they live in it instead of us. I'll tell you what, emotionally detach yourself from her. Don't hold on to the possibility of getting back together, because it will not let you grow. Definitely let your emotions out, cry, watch sad movies, listen to sad songs, grieve your loss from her, and well, eventually it'll just be a moment that happened. 

I hope this helps and I hope you understand how much you are worth, and you are not worth being a second option for anyone. 

Be with your close ones, enjoy yourself, and learn to live for yourself instead of others. 
I wish you self love, happiness, and much peace. Please try to get some sleep, and if you don't, that's totally fine too. I PROMISE, this is temporary, these feelings are not forever. One day you will wake up and feel miraculously better.

All the best,

Throo