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How to get over breakup


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How do I get over this breakup?

It's Saturday night and I stayed in and cried the whole night.

Am I supposed to force myself to go out and socialize? I dont really have a large support group so its difficult. I have joined the gym, that helps a little. I mainly get the blues at night.

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Well, the trick is to allow yourself to just feel whatever comes up and just grieve. Most people don’t understand why certain feelings take over your life.

Mainly it’s because we give power to them. The best way to give power to something is by trying to suppress it. By avoiding the feeling you do harm to yourself. 

Once your able to accept the loss and realize that it hasn’t killed you, then maybe you can move on.

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No, you do not need to make yourself go out and do anything.

Is okay to feel and go with the flow.  If you need to cry, then do it.  Feel it and be easy on yourself,  You are hurting.

It all takes time.. to work through all of this & the emotions, etc.

Is okay to even lay in bed all weekend.  Self care is important.

Journaling can also be helpful, to 'get it out' another way.  Just write & write all you want to say.. When I was at a loss & struggling, I'd 'vent' all my thoughts.  The pains & anger sitting inside. And I'd do it for months!  Until I started to feel a bit better.. not as 'emotional' and getting over him.

 

Maybe try to get out for some air, take a walk now & then & go see a friend. Binge watch your fave shows.. get lost in your music & let the tears flow for a while.. and try to get your sleep.

So, go one day at a time and allow yourself to feel & go through it as you must.  We are human & we feel ❤️ .

One day at a time.

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Deciding whether to socialize isn't an all-or-nothing deal. So it makes no sense to impose discomfort on yourself for not throwing yourself into being a social animal versus getting your feet wet as you see fit over t.i.m.e.

My best healing has always come from spending simple time with loving friends and family where I make the time about them, not me. Since I don't feel up for a big demonstration of pretending to be healed and whole, I find myself a bit quieter but more engaged in listening to loved ones in ways that I couldn't HEAR before. 

There's something about grief that tenderizes us to the feelings of others, and this can usher great bonding experiences with those we've taken for granted. Allow yourself to demonstrate your appreciation for the people in your life who matter, or the people who CAN matter, like neighbors and community, while your ego is on the sidelines.

Often it's moving ourselves out of our own way that can teach us things about 'the subtle' that we cannot appreciate when focused on our own business. That's one way that grief can help us stretch beyond ourselves, and we are forever changed.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

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I'm very sorry that you're going through this. I agree that straight after a break up you just need to allow yourself to feel all the feelings. It's completely normal to cry, feel sad and not do much. I don't think you're required or expected to do anything in particular. Just do what you feel comfortable with and actually feel like doing. Don't force yourself into anything.

Usually keeping yourself busy helps but if you don't feel like doing anything then just take it easy. Do you work or study? 

I think something you need to be aware of is that you don't actually slip into a deep depression. Like not eating/eating too much, not sleeping, drinking alcohol or doing drugs, never getting out of bed. Those kinds of things. Try to take care of yourself and your health as best as you can. Break ups are always painful. In a sense you just have to "ride it out". The more time passes, the better you start to feel. And it does work but it can be a slow process so don't feel bad if you're not moving on as fast as you hoped.

If you work, study and have hobbies and interests then it might be good to focus on them. But only if you want. If you have any family or friends then you could spend time with them too. Or spend time with your pets if you have any.

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On 11/20/2021 at 11:48 PM, fallininlove said:

I dont really have a large support group so its difficult.

Not that a person needs a large support group, but do you mean you have no close friends?

It's normal to be upset over a breakup, even if it was the right thing to happen. If you don't have a fulfilling life outside of dating, then breakups will be more devastating.

If you're lacking in friendships, interests and hobbies, and don't have a passion for anything besides a man in your life, it's time to build that foundation before dating again. In past posts, advice was given to build your self-esteem. It's okay to go through the normal grief stage of mourning a relationship, but you can at the same time seek healthy ways to bolster your self-love. Read positive affirmations in books or on the Internet, and post these on your mirror, refrigerator, etc., if it will help. Here's an example:

1. I feel the love of others who are not around me.

2. I am an amazing gift to myself, my friends, and the world. I am too much of an amazing gift to feel self-pity. 

3. I love and appreciate myself. I am who I am and I love myself. 

4. I do not need the company of others to feel complete. I am more than enough. I enjoy being in my own solitude. 

5. The past no longer matters. It has no control over me. What only matters is the present. What I do in the present will shape my future. The past has no say in this. 

6. Everything that I need will be provided to me at the right time and the right place. When something is meant to happen it will happen. 

Take care.

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