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Girlfriend acting weird since getting back together, want to bring it up but don't want to cause a problem.


Krombopulos
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On 11/17/2021 at 9:03 PM, Krombopulos said:

I feel like I need more than what I'm getting here 

Meanwhile she's settling for the absolute nothing that you're offering her.

Is this the same girl?
"I was offered a Covid vaxx at work back in the spring. So I called my girlfriend at the time and asked her if I should get the shot and she straight up refused to tell me what I should do. Geez! No wonder that relationship didn't last!"

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1 hour ago, waffle said:

Meanwhile she's settling for the absolute nothing that you're offering her.

Is this the same girl?
"I was offered a Covid vaxx at work back in the spring. So I called my girlfriend at the time and asked her if I should get the shot and she straight up refused to tell me what I should do. Geez! No wonder that relationship didn't last!"

It's a little off the mark to say I'm offering nothing.

But yes! Yes it is.

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15 minutes ago, Krombopulos said:

Because I don't really want to be alone and I don't want to hurt her.

Do you think it would have hurt her if you dumped her for the stripper?

Do you think it would hurt her to know you were trying to start a relationship with the stripper?

Do you think it would hurt her if she found out you offered to perform in a porn video?

Do you think it would hurt her if she knew you regularly go to the strip club and pay for private dances?

I think you've gone way beyond being truly concerned about hurting her.  I think your first excuse is the accurate one, that you don't want to be "alone".

And THAT is why this relationship isn't working.  Because you don't offer her anything sincere and she doesn't seem all that interested in the relationship either.

I still vote for breaking up and moving on.  

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OP, the more you reveal, the more you come across as self-centered and selfish.  You really don't care about this girl at all.  All you care about is what you can possible get from her.  Please, just do the right thing and let her go. 

Also, have you ever considered therapy?  I really think you would benefit from it.

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9 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

OP, the more you reveal, the more you come across as self-centered and selfish.  You really don't care about this girl at all.  All you care about is what you can possible get from her.  Please, just do the right thing and let her go. 

Also, have you ever considered therapy?  I really think you would benefit from it.

Saying I don't care about her at all is a stretch. I'm probably coming off as more selfish than I actually am.

I've thought about therapy. There's some things I'd like to talk about with a therapist and hopefully work through but I don't see those issues as particularly burdensome. Maintaining financial stability is a top priority and therapy would come into conflict with it.  

Edited by Krombopulos
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57 minutes ago, Krombopulos said:

Maintaining financial stability is a top priority and therapy would come into conflict with it.  

Not true.

Do you really think everyone who is in therapy is financially unstable?  They are not.

And yes, you sound extremely selfish.  You only care about what this girlfriend of yours can do for you.  You don't love her and that is obvious.

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On 11/19/2021 at 8:30 AM, Krombopulos said:

Nah, she hasn't said that she wants to change. When we got back together however she said that she was going to communicate more which hasn't really happened.

My identity would be concealed in that video so it's not like she would have found out

 

previously you said you didn't like being the bad guy and bringing up conversations. 

The only one way to have a deeper connection with someone is by having meaningful conversations.   Connecting with someone in an intimate way (verbally) does not translate into you being a bad guy.

This will ultimately remain dead in the water if you are waiting for her to communicate her needs and she hasn't.  And you view having meaningful conversations with her as a bad thing.

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and by the way . . Never reconcile with someone before you've had a brutally transparent conversation about what went wrong and come up with agreed plan on moving forward and how to work towards changing the dynamic that ruined the relationship to begin with.

Without it, you just return to doing the exact same dance you two have been doing all along.

 

Edited by reinventmyself
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