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Girlfriend acting weird since getting back together, want to bring it up but don't want to cause a problem.


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So I was with this girl for two years and she broke up with me claiming out relationship felt more like a friendship. Fair point I suppose because we still hadn't had sex, she'd never been over to my apartment, and she never met my parents. I was hurt, cried a bit, and got over it after about four days. A month later she hit's me up and says she misses me. She tells me I was her rock and her safe place and that she never wanted to break up with me. She said she was under a ton of stress from work (trauma nurse), that she nearly checked herself into psych, and to top it all off she felt as if she wasn't included in my life however, she wanted to give it another shot. I obliged.

So we've been back to get now like three months and despite her texting me all the time,  I think we've only seen each other four or five times. Sometimes when I come over she doesn't even snuggle with my on the couch, she'll sit in the chair next to the couch (weird). When we made plans to meet up one time, I text her and told her I missed her, and asked "You miss me too, right? *smirk emoji*. Her reply? "Yes"... Wow, don't be so convincing. I also re-added her on Facebook and she hasn't accepted my friend request(weird). We used to go to her friend's house fairly often too, we haven't done that since getting back together and I've yet to see her parents again after getting back together.

I feel like I need more than what I'm getting here (even went to a strip club a few times) in terms of affection and I'm not sure how to bring it up without causing a problem/making a problem if there isn't one. I also really wish she'd be more aggressive/take initiative physically. I'm not sure if all my issues in this paragraph and the one before are things that should be addressed or if it's just me being clingy though. Thoughts?

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Um, does she know you were trying with everything you have to start a relationship with that stripper? Does she know about the "pegging" session you tried to set up for the stripper's Only Fans video? Or that you were planning to cook dinner for the stripper afterward?

Maybe that's why she doesn't want to spend time with you, because she knows or senses you were trying to be with someone else.

Do you love this woman? If so, why were you trying to hard to be with someone else?

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Um, does she know you were trying with everything you have to start a relationship with that stripper? Does she know about the "pegging" session you tried to set up for the stripper's Only Fans video? Or that you were planning to cook dinner for the stripper afterward?

Maybe that's why she doesn't want to spend time with you, because she knows or senses you were trying to be with someone else.

Do you love this woman? If so, why were you trying to hard to be with someone else?

She doesn't know. 

I doubt she senses it.

In a way, I do. I was trying to be with someone else because I thought she'd give me what I wanted. After all, she took initiative and she took the lead, it just so happened that it wasn't genuine. 

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In three pages and 53 responses on your previous thread about the stripper you not once mentioned you have a girlfriend and are in a relationship. You presented yourself as a lonely single guy. I feel a bit deceived.

You've been deceitful to this girlfriend of yours too. She has no idea you go to the strip club and get private dances and were trying to start a relationship with the stripper. That's really not cool at all.

Please break up with this woman for good. You don't love her, not if you can lie to her as much as you have been. 

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3 hours ago, Krombopulos said:

 we still hadn't had sex, she'd never been over to my apartment, and she never met my parents.

Sounds like a friendship, not a romance. So why would you expect that she would suddenly get "physically aggressive"?

You live in a sexual fantasyland. This friend is not miraculously going to turn into a dominatrix.

 

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All I see is major incompatibility.  A bad match.  Both of you need communication skills.  You're not getting anything from her so you go looking for strippers and "pegging" videos and fantasizing about a romance with the stripper, and she's clearly not getting what she wants from you either.  This is never going to work.

Do both of you a great big favor and end it.  This is heading nowhere.

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4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

In three pages and 53 responses on your previous thread about the stripper you not once mentioned you have a girlfriend and are in a relationship. You presented yourself as a lonely single guy

This. 

You were ready to drop everything for the stripper, OP. You are not at all ready to be in a relationship with your girlfriend. 

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Between both of these women it appears you aren't able to pick up of queues they are giving.

The woman you speak of this time sounds like nothing more than a friend.  2 years, no sex and she tells you she feels like you're a friend.  She reaches out missing your friendship and you are now confused why she isn't affectionate.   It's perfectly normal to miss friends.  So you may have now inadvertently agreed to return on her terms.

Maybe it would be helpful to have some very transparent conversations with these women about their intentions.   It might save you from some of your frustrations when you are seeking one thing and getting another in return. . . Or practice learning to pay closer attention as to what information you are getting and behaviors you are experiencing so you can better read women you date or want to date.

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3 hours ago, BecxyRex said:

What was the reason for not having sex for two years and her not meeting your parents? 

I just never really felt compelled to have sex with her. The only time she ever really wanted it was one time after we got back from her friends house, it was 1AM and I was just too tired.

I don't sleep over a whole lot because her mattress is a pillow top and it kills my back after just a few hours of laying on it.

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8 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

Between both of these women it appears you aren't able to pick up of queues they are giving.

The woman you speak of this time sounds like nothing more than a friend.  2 years, no sex and she tells you she feels like you're a friend.  She reaches out missing your friendship and you are now confused why she isn't affectionate.   It's perfectly normal to miss friends.  So you may have now inadvertently agreed to return on her terms.

Maybe it would be helpful to have some very transparent conversations with these women about their intentions.   It might save you from some of your frustrations when you are seeking one thing and getting another in return. . . Or practice learning to pay closer attention as to what information you are getting and behaviors you are experiencing so you can better read women you date or want to date.

No, we didn't agree to get back together as friends as she specifically said "I never meant to break up with you

 

20 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sounds like a friendship, not a romance. So why would you expect that she would suddenly get "physically aggressive"?

 

Because friends don't kiss each other on the mouth. I thought eventually she'd want me bad enough she'd make a move on me.

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24 minutes ago, Krombopulos said:

 I thought eventually she'd want me bad enough she'd make a move on me.

This makes no sense at all.  If you weren't compelled to have sex with her for TWO YEARS, why would you want her to "want you bad enough to make a move on you"??  😕 🤨

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I still don't understand how trying to get a relationship going with the stripper fits in. Were you going to dump your girlfriend if the stripper wanted to date you? And if you followed through with the "pegging" video were you going to tell your girlfriend? Or did you plan to continue to lie to her?

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9 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

This makes no sense at all.  If you weren't compelled to have sex with her for TWO YEARS, why would you want her to "want you bad enough to make a move on you"??  😕 🤨

I prefer my partner to make the first move, it'd just make things easier

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8 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I still don't understand how trying to get a relationship going with the stripper fits in. Were you going to dump your girlfriend if the stripper wanted to date you? And if you followed through with the "pegging" video were you going to tell your girlfriend? Or did you plan to continue to lie to her?

Yes. I was going to dump her if the dancer wanted to date me. I was never going to tell her about the video. It's not that I ever lied, I just didn't tell her

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2 hours ago, Krombopulos said:

Yes. I was going to dump her if the dancer wanted to date me. I was never going to tell her about the video. It's not that I ever lied, I just didn't tell her

Ever heard of lying by omission? You are dishonest with her (and with us too).

You don't love her so please do her a favor and break up with her.

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Ever heard of lying by omission? You are dishonest with her (and with us too).

You don't love her so please do her a favor and break up with her.

Sorry for the deception, I just didn't want that post to be about my girlfriend.

And she makes me feel like I'm single. Anytime we hang out, I've initiated it. Anytime there's physical contact, I initiate it. Last night the TV remote was next to my crouch and she insisted that I hand it to her. She got a cat about a year ago KNOWING I'm severely allergic to them. Part of me wants to break up with her but A) I'm hoping she'll change because we have a history together and her kid and I have a really good relationship (sometimes I think her kid is more excited to see me than she is) and B) I really don't like playing the bad guy/speaking up in a relationship in general

Edited by Krombopulos
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Has she said she wants to "change"?

Plus there's your deception. Trying to date someone else and spending time in a strip club and planning to be the star in a porn video are pretty serious things to hide from a girlfriend, no matter how much she "makes" you feel single.

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6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Has she said she wants to "change"?

Plus there's your deception. Trying to date someone else and spending time in a strip club and planning to be the star in a porn video are pretty serious things to hide from a girlfriend, no matter how much she "makes" you feel single.

Nah, she hasn't said that she wants to change. When we got back together however she said that she was going to communicate more which hasn't really happened.

My identity would be concealed in that video so it's not like she would have found out

 

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17 minutes ago, Krombopulos said:

My identity would be concealed in that video so it's not like she would have found out

That's not the point. You are deceitful toward her. You can't expect someone you are deceiving to behave in a loving manner toward you. That is pretty selfish.

Please just break up with her. You don't love her.

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It's really strange that a couple during a two year period would never discuss why they aren't having sex--why they're relationship hasn't progressed beyond kissing. And why she put up with 2 years of never being invited to your apartment. She sounds as out of the ordinary as you in lacking skills to be in a healthy relationship.

How often do you watch porn in the average week? I'm just guessing that there's a chance you're addicted, as men who are are happy with getting off on that, prefer it over doing it with a real live woman. You had a real live woman in your life for 2 years, and were quite all right with abstaining, otherwise you would've spoken up. Perhaps the porn addiction is something she'd become aware of if invited over to your place. This is my guess according to the situation you've described, reading between the lines.

 

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14 minutes ago, Andrina said:

How often do you watch porn in the average week? I'm just guessing that there's a chance you're addicted

He goes to the strip club and pays for private dances. And tried to get into a relationship with one of the strippers. But he sees nothing wrong with that because his girlfriend doesn't know about any of it.

I still think you should breakup instead of stringing this woman along. You only want sex from her ( and only if she's the aggressor!) and you're not getting it, plus you deceive her. So why bother?

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

He goes to the strip club and pays for private dances. And tried to get into a relationship with one of the strippers. But he sees nothing wrong with that because his girlfriend doesn't know about any of it.

Yes, I was only going down another avenue of possibility, guessing what the poster's deal is so perhaps he can self-reflect. The problems are so numerous, including poor ethics, and no woman should be subjected to this. There is no happy future with future prospects without self-improvement and a total exploration of all the issues.

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