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How do I choose between three different girls?


PillowPuck
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3 hours ago, PillowPuck said:

……What?

Ok... if stuck, try the girl that’s most enthusiastic. That’s what I mean if one of those girls is actively pursuing.

If not yet, that’s ok. Maybe they are shy...

Like an analogy with HR - if you have multiple candidates wanting to be in a partnership, both equally qualified and similar, who would you choose? The one that’s most motivated...

Just makes dating so much easier when you choose to spend your valuable time only with those that are enthusiastic... no games, playing hard to get, wasting time/money, just things happen more naturally and easy.
 

Good luck !

 

Edited by mical
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I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious. But it's really not that complicated.

I've suggested looking outside of work for dates. I've asked three times where you go besides work to meet women. Since you don't answer I presume the answer is "nowhere".

Think of how uncomplicated it would be if you met someone you don't work with! You wouldn't have any of these things making you anxious and possibly getting in the way of a promotion.

This should be fun. How about getting together with friends and going to some kind of event or activity? You would probably meet a lot of of super nice and cute girls at an amusement park or concert, for example. How about trying something like that?

 

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13 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You would probably meet a lot of of super nice and cute girls at an amusement park or concert, for example. How about trying something like that?

I'm bad at situations like that. I don't know how to flirt and start a conversation and I don't know how to respond when a girl starts flirting with me.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was seeing a movie and while I was waiting for my food, one girl standing in line next to me walked up to me and told me that she liked my haircut. I just stared at the ground and muttered "Thanks". Then she asked me what movie I was seeing and she suggested us sitting next to each other. My response was telling her that the theaters have assigned seating and the employees probably wouldn't like us shifting seats. She responded by rolling her eyes and just walking away, clearly annoyed. I'm just not good at situations like that.

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3 minutes ago, PillowPuck said:

I'm bad at situations like that. I don't know how to flirt and start a conversation and I don't know how to respond when a girl starts flirting with me.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was seeing a movie and while I was waiting for my food, one girl standing in line next to me walked up to me and told me that she liked my haircut. I just stared at the ground and muttered "Thanks". Then she asked me what movie I was seeing and she suggested us sitting next to each other. My response was telling her that the theaters have assigned seating and the employees probably wouldn't like us shifting seats. She responded by rolling her eyes and just walking away, clearly annoyed. I'm just not good at situations like that.

OK, so I'm starting to understand why you keep coming up with excuses to never ask any of these girls out.  You're afraid of looking foolish.

Look, everyone has been through it.  None of us were born feeling confident about talking to the opposite gender (or same gender for some people).  All of us have said something silly or done something that made us look like doofuses.  And we all survived.

Do any of your friends have girlfriends?  If so, how did they meet?  How did they get to talking?  Observing your friends interacting with girls might be helpful.

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On 11/24/2021 at 5:07 AM, PillowPuck said:

I'm genuinely trying to figure out which one of them I want to ask out. I could make a whole list of pros and cons and I'm also keeping in mind that I'm going for a promotion at work and that it could very well be paying off in the near future. There's just a lot of variables at play that I need to keep in mind.

OK so I'm a spontaneous person and my advice is don't make any lists. Dating isn't accounting, you don't need to make Excel spreadsheets about women lol The way I usually dated was to go with my initial gut feeling. Like, do I feel chemistry and connection with a person? If yes then I went for it. Getting to know them and seeing if you're really compatible comes later.

I'm a woman and I actually asked out most of my ex partners myself. My first boyfriend at 16 years old it was me that asked him out. Basically with all of them I put myself out there. I've been asked out too but with basically all my long term relationships it was me that asked them out or told them I liked them. And they said yes! And some people said no but I took the rejection in my stride. You need to take risks in life. Otherwise do you know what will happen? Nothing, absolutely nothing. You need to actually do something to see results.

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1 hour ago, Tinydance said:

OK so I'm a spontaneous person and my advice is don't make any lists. Dating isn't accounting, you don't need to make Excel spreadsheets about women lol The way I usually dated was to go with my initial gut feeling. Like, do I feel chemistry and connection with a person? If yes then I went for it. Getting to know them and seeing if you're really compatible comes later.

I'm a woman and I actually asked out most of my ex partners myself. My first boyfriend at 16 years old it was me that asked him out. Basically with all of them I put myself out there. I've been asked out too but with basically all my long term relationships it was me that asked them out or told them I liked them. And they said yes! And some people said no but I took the rejection in my stride. You need to take risks in life. Otherwise do you know what will happen? Nothing, absolutely nothing. You need to actually do something to see results.

My initial gut feeling is telling me all sorts of things. It's telling me that Girl A is putting more effort in showing her interest in me, but it's also telling me that Girl C can't be as flirty as she use to be since she's in a leadership role now.

It's telling me that Girl A is almost exactly what I look for in a girl in terms of physical looks, but I have more of a personal connection with Girl C. 

It's telling me that it'd be easier to date Girl A with or without a promotion and that girl C would only be easy to date if I find a new job, which I'd prefer not to do.

My mind and gut are both flooding with all sorts of thoughts and it's driving me crazy.

Edited by PillowPuck
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2 hours ago, PillowPuck said:

My initial gut feeling is telling me all sorts of things. It's telling me that Girl A is putting more effort in showing her interest in me, but it's also telling me that Girl C can't be as flirty as she use to be since she's in a leadership role now.

It's telling me that Girl A is almost exactly what I look for in a girl in terms of physical looks, but I have more of a personal connection with Girl C. 

It's telling me that it'd be easier to date Girl A with or without a promotion and that girl C would only be easy to date if I find a new job, which I'd prefer not to do.

My mind and gut are both flooding with all sorts of thoughts and it's driving me crazy.

OK, just a suggestion. Ask out A if she's showing interest. Give it a try. If it doesn't work out with A then ask our C. 

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I think you may not even realize you're doing all this to avoid having to deal with the situation.

There's an old song by the band Yes from the 1980s.  The chorus says "owner of a lonely heart is much better than an owner of a broken heart".  I think you fear asking someone out because you think you "don't know how".  But no one knew how, not in the beginning.

Let me ask you, have you ever asked anyone out on a date before?  If so, you obviously survived lol.

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5 hours ago, mical said:

I’d say pick A and go all in...

If she’s there for the season, that’s an added plus of less workplace drama.

 

 

 

 

I think I might have to move on from A. Yesterday I overheard her saying that a co-worker had asked her to be his girlfriend. I didn’t hear her whole story and whether or not she agreed. She still appeared to be acting the same flirty way around me, but the cynical/pessimistic side of me is telling me that she’s probably now taken and that I should just move on.

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1 hour ago, PillowPuck said:

I think I might have to move on from A. Yesterday I overheard her saying that a co-worker had asked her to be his girlfriend. I didn’t hear her whole story and whether or not she agreed. She still appeared to be acting the same flirty way around me, but the cynical/pessimistic side of me is telling me that she’s probably now taken and that I should just move on.

OK, that's fine.

I still encourage you to pursue girls outside of work.  You're obviously not some hideous creature (see: girl at the movie theater) so you just need to practice responding when a girl shows interest.  You don't have to get it completely "right" or be Mr. Smooth with the first girl, but it's good practice.

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On 11/26/2021 at 1:47 PM, PillowPuck said:

My initial gut feeling is telling me all sorts of things. It's telling me that Girl A is putting more effort in showing her interest in me, but it's also telling me that Girl C can't be as flirty as she use to be since she's in a leadership role now.

It's telling me that Girl A is almost exactly what I look for in a girl in terms of physical looks, but I have more of a personal connection with Girl C. 

It's telling me that it'd be easier to date Girl A with or without a promotion and that girl C would only be easy to date if I find a new job, which I'd prefer not to do.

This isn't conflicting at all; in all three scenarios, A is the better choice.

6 hours ago, PillowPuck said:

Yesterday I overheard her saying that a co-worker had asked her to be his girlfriend. 

I think you should stop trying to eavesdrop on girls you are interested in, as it only increases your anxiety knowing partial/out of context information. 

Just ask A out. 

Thats 4 votes for A. 

Lets us know how it went.

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1 hour ago, WaywardKiwi said:

This isn't conflicting at all; in all three scenarios, A is the better choice.

I think you should stop trying to eavesdrop on girls you are interested in, as it only increases your anxiety knowing partial/out of context information. 

Just ask A out. 

Thats 4 votes for A. 

Lets us know how it went.

Yes, but he also said he thinks asking one of these coworkers out could have a negative impact on the promotion he's trying to get because the manager frowns on employees dating one another.

Which is why I have strongly advocated for dating outside of work.  No impediments, no work conflicts, no excuses.

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