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How do I choose between three different girls?


PillowPuck
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1 hour ago, PillowPuck said:

I have the next couple of days off, but I'm hoping to make my move on Friday.

POLL:

* Will find some reason/excuse as to why he couldn't ask her out.

* He asked her out and she said yes!!

I know which one I am choosing, lol.

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This is just my opinion and I guess I don't care about looks that much. If you want a real relationship that will actually last then my suggestion would be not to date people ONLY because they're hot. If you really like who they are and you connect well AND they're hot, it's a bonus. But I think to have an actual lasting relationship looks shouldn't be the number one thing. Physical and sexual attraction actually wears off if you don't truly love that person or have real spark and emotional connection. It's just a short lived thing because once the lust and passion wears off, the relationship becomes more like a friendship/companionship and that's the main thing needed for it to last.

So for me personally I would choose Girl B. She's the one you've known pretty long. You know you get along well and you have things in common. So if she doesn't have a boyfriend then I'd ask her.

The 19-year-old girl may potentially be too young if you want a serious relationship. But it depends what you're looking for. 

I also agree that you actually need to start asking women out. It's OK to ask for advice but no point asking if you never actually take any action at all.

I also think you've been writing a lot about women at work and my advice would be to actually to try to date outside of work. Maybe it's OK to date one woman at work but not a lot of women at work. Because then you might get the reputation of "office womaniser". Not to mention if it doesn't work out you'd have to keep working with your ex's. And that's really awkward!

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2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

What do you have in mind for a date? Please don't say "want to go grab some food?" because that sounds like a hangout. Be original and come up with something fun but not too over the top. Your classic dinner and movie is always a good idea, but a trip to the zoo or lunch at a beautiful botanical garden is nice too. And make it clear it's a date. Say something like "Are you free Sunday? I'd like to take you to Fun Restaurant and maybe see a movie after. Or would you prefer lunch at Local Botanical Garden Sunday afternoon?" You'll sound gentlemanly and creative. No inviting her over to play video games!

My go-to for a first date is usually something simple like pizza or coffee. I'm just looking for a ripe opportunity to sit down and chat, getting to know them. I normally don't like movies as a first date since you're mostly sitting in a dark room and having to whisper to each other in the few chances that you get to talk.

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2 minutes ago, PillowPuck said:

My go-to for a first date is usually something simple like pizza or coffee. I'm just looking for a ripe opportunity to sit down and chat, getting to know them. I normally don't like movies as a first date since you're mostly sitting in a dark room and having to whisper to each other in the few chances that you get to talk.

Ok, don't do pizza because that is a notoriously sloppy food. It's hard to look graceful when the toppings slide off the slice and you're trying to stuff them into your mouth. Same with spaghetti or tacos.

Coffee and dessert is a great idea. But again, make sure you make it clear it's a date. Don't say "want to go grab a coffee?"

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Hey PP,

i don't see the age difference as fundamentally fatal. As many have pointed out, it may be an obstacle, especially in longer term relationships, however, in your case I think there is value in pursuing either A or C. The vast majority of relationships do not last forever, however they all have value, both emotionally and in terms of lessons we can learn.

Ask either A or C out. Regardless of outcome, it will be a valuable experience.

T

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47 minutes ago, WaywardKiwi said:

Hey PP,

i don't see the age difference as fundamentally fatal. As many have pointed out, it may be an obstacle, especially in longer term relationships, however, in your case I think there is value in pursuing either A or C. The vast majority of relationships do not last forever, however they all have value, both emotionally and in terms of lessons we can learn.

Ask either A or C out. Regardless of outcome, it will be a valuable experience.

T

Isn’t 19 still essentially just a kid?

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1 hour ago, PillowPuck said:

Isn’t 19 still essentially just a kid?

Personally, taking the average 19 year old, I think they are sufficiently mature to go on a date, and decide to enter a relationship. Of course, that is not to say you will be able to connect with either girl enough to enter a relationship, nor that the experience gap and different cultural reference points won't pose challenges, possibly insurmountable ones. Finally, in retrospect, I was almost equally immature with regard to relationships when I was 26 as I was when I was 19, and indeed it was only by dating and being in relationships, as well as dealing with failure that I was able to mature to where I am now. 

Just don't be a creep, and honestly I don't think you are. 

T

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2 hours ago, PillowPuck said:

Isn’t 19 still essentially just a kid?

They are employed at your workplace?

Perhaps you just have crushes. That's ok. But fantasizing about dating them could get weird, if you are staring or acting odd around them.

Why not get on some quality dating apps with a good profile and pics and start talking to and meeting women for a low-key coffee ?

That way you get practice chatting with women and dating without being awkward at work.

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4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

They are employed at your workplace?

Perhaps you just have crushes. That's ok. But fantasizing about dating them could get weird, if you are staring or acting odd around them.

Why not get on some quality dating apps with a good profile and pics and start talking to and meeting women for a low-key coffee ?

That way you get practice chatting with women and dating without being awkward at work.

I second this

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9 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

Lol.  Well, two are 19 and one possibly has a boyfriend.  So, looks like three down, zero to go.

Looking forward to Friday (and all the new excuses).

It’s not an excuse. You all have been consistently telling me not to date a 19 year old, so I’m just taking that advice.

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10 hours ago, WaywardKiwi said:

Personally, taking the average 19 year old, I think they are sufficiently mature to go on a date, and decide to enter a relationship. Of course, that is not to say you will be able to connect with either girl enough to enter a relationship, nor that the experience gap and different cultural reference points won't pose challenges, possibly insurmountable ones. Finally, in retrospect, I was almost equally immature with regard to relationships when I was 26 as I was when I was 19, and indeed it was only by dating and being in relationships, as well as dealing with failure that I was able to mature to where I am now. 

Just don't be a creep, and honestly I don't think you are. 

T

So you don't think that there's anything wrong with me dating a 19 year old?

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Remember, she isn't old enough to drink and she isn't old enough to get into bars and clubs. So your dates cannot include those activities. And do not supply her with alcohol. Highly illegal.

If you're OK with dates consisting of restaurants and movies and the like then there should be no problem unless she balks at dating a much older guy.

I don't know that this could turn into a relationship but who knows?

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35 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Remember, she isn't old enough to drink and she isn't old enough to get into bars and clubs. So your dates cannot include those activities. And do not supply her with alcohol. Highly illegal.

If you're OK with dates consisting of restaurants and movies and the like then there should be no problem unless she balks at dating a much older guy.

I don't know that this could turn into a relationship but who knows?

I abstain from drinking myself and I've personally never been about that clubbing lifestyle.

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18 minutes ago, PillowPuck said:

I abstain from drinking myself and I've personally never been about that clubbing lifestyle.

That's great! 

So, you promised to ask one of them out. I expect you to keep your promise 😉

And no "but, but..." either! 

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3 hours ago, PillowPuck said:

I abstain from drinking myself and I've personally never been about that clubbing lifestyle.

Excellent. When you find women to date in your desired age range and qualities, you can meet for coffee, do fun activities, etc.

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