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Wrongfully accused


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My cousin stopped talking to me a few months ago with no warning or explanation. Just recently, she wrote to explain it was because she was hurt that, for years, I was flirting with her husband. This could not be further from the truth. How do I respond? I'd like to try to salvage the relationship. 

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I would respond:  I am really sorry you feel that way and interpreted my behavior towards your husband as flirting. For what it's worth that's a hard no.  No, I never flirted with your husband or intended to come across as flirting.  I understand you perceived it that way and I respect that.  I hope we can talk again and resolve this.  All the best, HusbandStealer (just kidding on the name!!!).

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7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would respond:  I am really sorry you feel that way and interpreted my behavior towards your husband as flirting. For what it's worth that's a hard no.  No, I never flirted with your husband or intended to come across as flirting.  I understand you perceived it that way and I respect that.  I hope we can talk again and resolve this.  All the best, HusbandStealer (just kidding on the name!!!).

Love the sign off! 🤣 Thanks for your help; it's a great note.

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Most people who are outsiders are accused of the wrong doing...maybe her hubby was spending time ogling you, and your body parts. It's a knee jerk reaction to be blamed. Been there. I have been accused and call a SL__ etc. I never did anything like that, but it always turned out I was turning on their spouse. IE: I was in a little bowling group, and without any knowledge someone's husband kept checking out my butt when it was my turn. They quit and later I was told the reason why...omg.

Edited by smackie9
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I probably would write her back... Thank her for reaching and then ask if you can talk about this more in person because you don't understand why she thinks that. 

I am hard pressed to just blindly apologize when a person didn't even give me a chance to understand the problem. 

How close can you really be and how much can you really mean to and be trusted by someone that just writes you off, no explanation or anything. 

I think she has more explaining of her own to do. 

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Depends. Did she wrote you back because now she knows its not the truth or because now she demands "OMG you have to believe me, I didnt do it" apology? If I would have to bet then I would say its the other. People rarely back down from their claims unless there are hard evidence otherwise, sometimes not even then. If she didnt talked to you in months then she was convinced something was going on. If you think its worth saving then you should know she would probably demand apology. And probably more in a way of "Yes I did, I am sorry". One side would have to back down. As she was so adamant and accused you that you did something like that for years and just discarded you without giving you a proper chance to explain, I would say she will not back down from it. So if you dont intend to back down, I would recommend to just leave it be. 

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17 minutes ago, NancySK said:

Doesn't leaving it be make me look guilty?

Does it really matter if she believes that you flirted with her husband not once, but for years? Would you pleading that you didnt really change that?

Answer her either way, just saying that in order for you to kiss and make up, one side would have to back down. And it probably wont be her side.

Edited by Kwothe28
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I would write back and ask her if she could give you examples regarding how you were flirting with her husband.  Was it something you said to him or during social settings?  Was it what you were wearing?  Did you text him?  Was it something you wrote in social media (FB)?  You need to ask her specifically what you did to cause her to tell you that you were flirtatious with her husband. 

Once you find out why she told you that you were flirting with her husband, you can defend yourself accordingly then. 

If she's done with you and has no interest in salvaging the relationship, there's nothing you can do except honor and respect her wishes by backing off and acquiesce. 

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10 hours ago, NancySK said:

Doesn't leaving it be make me look guilty?

Leaving it be would mean to me, that you're not guilty. That you're mad at her and choosing to walk away from it.

But everyone is different and a person's silence is up for interpretation. 

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I would never leave it alone entirely -and yes ask for examples and yes make it clear that you could not disagree more.  I received a letter from a former best friend many years ago accusing me of bizarre things I did-according to her- to compete with her/undermine her in grad school.  She was mentally unstable.  I believe I did defend myself and called her maybe but she old-school "blocked" me and/or my boyfriend -who she had set me up with - told me she refused to speak with me at all about the accusations.  It was really upsetting and yes I think it's very important to tell the person how you feel about the accusations.  

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