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Should I be friends with him or move on?


Mountainbaby
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For months I have been thinking about the same thing but not able to get to a conclusion. I would love your help. There is this guy, and we have been friends for a few years, and then one year back, I started having feelings for him. I thought about telling him but didn't want to jeopardize our friendship. In the last few months, we have been pretty close, like talking for 3-4 hrs and then one night during a one-night stay with friends we got drunk and kissed each other and next day we both decided not to do anything about it as if it just happened in the flow. Still, after one month, we met at my place, watched a movie, had little alcohol, and kissed again but this time I told him through text that I had feelings for him, and his response was a thank-you for telling me, but nothing can happen between us, and then we only talk once a month or when we have some work or when we meet our friends together. I do miss our old friendship, but it is now very weird talking to him. I don't know should I keep my friendship with him or move on because he still affects me.

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1 hour ago, Mountainbaby said:

 we only talk once a month or when we have some work or when we meet our friends together.

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately you can't hang out "as friends" if you actually want a BF.

Is he in another relationship? Are you? Do you work together? 

Step back. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single available interested men for a low-key coffee .

Get more involved with other aspects in your life. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, get a side hustle, make new friends, etc.

 

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30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately you can't hang out "as friends" if you actually want a BF.

Is he in another relationship? Are you? Do you work together? 

Step back. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single available interested men for a low-key coffee .

Get more involved with other aspects in your life. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, get a side hustle, make new friends, etc.

 

We used to intern together, but now we have the same set of friends, and it becomes tough to avoid him and pretend like nothing is wrong; also, both of us are not currently in any relationship.

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6 hours ago, Mountainbaby said:

We used to intern together, but now we have the same set of friends, and it becomes tough to avoid him and pretend like nothing is wrong; also, both of us are not currently in any relationship.

I would simply limit contact to being polite and cordial when you see him. He was kind enough to tell you he doesn't see you two as having romantic potential and you are attracted to him so a friendship would not be a great idea.  Also stay sober when you are around him.

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Of course you can still be cordial with group friend activities, but I suggest no longer having a one-on-one friendship with him. No more long chats, etc. The friendship when one has had a crush and there has been kissing can never go back to what it once was. Not good for either of you for moving onto romances with other partners. He will have zero time for you when he finds a woman he's crazy about. The same should happen to you when you meet a great guy who adores you and it's mutual. Start making the change now for your own good. 

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He made it clear to you that nothing can happen between both of you which was his way of rejecting you romantically. 

Yes, it's awkward from now on. 

I agree with others, no more  private 1:1 times together.  Since you share mutual friends within your social circle, remain natural, kind, well mannered, respectful yet maintain a safe, cool distance.  Put the past behind you.  Change your trajectory and dynamics. 

Have healthy distractions and don't dwell on him anymore.  Feel more "blah" towards him.  He doesn't take you seriously and you're not that important to him so return the favor and do likewise with your new attitude and behavior.  You will be fine. 

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I'd be kind whenever our paths cross, but I'd move my focus forward and not allow my preoccupation with the guy to derail me from starting my future TODAY.

Playing friendzies isn't really in your best interests, and if you won't look out for your Self, then who will?

Head high, and move FORward. You will thank yourself later.

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