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Not responding to me...


fallininlove
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So I'm dating this guy and I've always had problems with his texting style. Some days he just wouldnt text me which is weird because I've never been in a relationship where we go days without texting.  We talked about it and he said he would try to improve. Anyways, Monday I didnt hear from him and I texted him and complained. He didn't respond so I sent him a long text saying he needs to communicate more and if he can't then maybe we should just end it. Tuesday came and he still didn't respond and I then deleted him off social media.

I regret deleting him. It was impulsive because I was hurt. I want this to work out more than anything. I don't know what to do. I tried calling him last night and no response. I want to talk it thru. Whenever theres problems, he runs and hides and calls me on the weekend so we can talk about it. Do I wait then or should I try to keep calling? Or should I send an apology text?

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9 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Are you in the habit of threatening to end the relationship if he doesn't text you as much as you want him to?

Why is texting so important to you? Are you long distance?

Because we only see each other on the weekends. So on the weekdays I would still like to be in communication with him. I don't have to talk to him all day but checking up is fine but there are times when he doesn't text at all. We aren't long distance tho. We live like half an hour away.

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Sorry about all this. 

Can I ask how long you've been dating? Is it agreed that you're exclusive, in a committed relationship? 

All in all, it seems that at this juncture he is sending you a very strong, and very clear message that he does not want to speak to you—so, to answer your question: no, I would not reach out yet again. All you'd be doing is sending an equally clear message that all he has to do to ensure you're sprung on him is ignore you, which I'm going to assume is not the dynamic you're seeking. 

Given that this has been an issue in the past—and given that it's triggering in you so much anxiety that you're leaving missives and deleting him on SM to get attention—I'd say this might be a very good time for you to rethink if this is really someone who has a good influence on your spirit.

I get that you really want this to work, but could it be that what you really want is for this to be a much different relationship than it actually is? Might be a question worth pondering right about now, hard as the answers might be. 

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15 minutes ago, fallininlove said:

Because we only see each other on the weekends. So on the weekdays I would still like to be in communication with him. I don't have to talk to him all day but checking up is fine but there are times when he doesn't text at all. We aren't long distance tho. We live like half an hour away.

Have you threatened to break up before? Or is this the first time?

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10 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

Sorry about all this. 

Can I ask how long you've been dating? Is it agreed that you're exclusive, in a committed relationship? 

All in all, it seems that at this juncture he is sending you a very strong, and very clear message that he does not want to speak to you—so, to answer your question: no, I would not reach out yet again. All you'd be doing is sending an equally clear message that all he has to do to ensure you're sprung on him is ignore you, which I'm going to assume is not the dynamic you're seeking. 

Given that this has been an issue in the past—and given that it's triggering in you so much anxiety that you're leaving missives and deleting him on SM to get attention—I'd say this might be a very good time for you to rethink if this is really someone who has a good influence on your spirit.

I get that you really want this to work, but could it be that what you really want is for this to be a much different relationship than it actually is? Might be a question worth pondering right about now, hard as the answers might be. 

So we've known each other for 3 years. We went on a date three years ago but we both werent ready for a relationship. He messaged me back in November 2020 and we started talking but then he ghosted me in April. He said he had a huge family emergency (his bro was in ICU). He came back in August and apolgized and wanted to try again. And we've been doing that. We been official since September.

 

Whenever we argue over text, he doesnt like it cus he says hes not good at texting. When this happens, he usually calls me on the weekend to talk about it.

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1 hour ago, fallininlove said:

 . . . Monday I didnt hear from him and I texted him and complained. He didn't respond so I sent him a long text saying he needs to communicate more and if he can't then maybe we should just end it. 

After repeated complaints I doubt he even read your long text haranguing him about his shoddy communication skills.  I think it's safe to say you've turned this one off to the point where he may not be back for a few months.  The good news for him is that you've shown him you'll be waiting for him.

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5 hours ago, fallininlove said:

I want this to work out more than anything.

Why? No, I am serious, why? Why is it so important to keep the relationship with somebody that isnt into you?

If he was that into you he would have no problem to at least answer to your texts. Even if he isnt good at texting. You chasing him wont change anything. He would maybe come back to you down the line again, you would still try to communicate and he would brush you off. Because, again, he doesnt care. He ghosted your ass few months ago and doing the same thing now.

Also, your "tactics" are ridiculous. If you talk to him and he doesnt improve, you either leave it as it is or go away. Because again, he clearly doesnt care. There is no need for, text, then longer text, then deleting him off social media. You do realize that you are texting the guy that wont text you about why he wont text you? See how ridiculous that sounds?

Retain your dignity and walk away from this one. 

Edited by Kwothe28
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3 hours ago, waffle said:

After repeated complaints I doubt he even read your long text haranguing him about his shoddy communication skills.  I think it's safe to say you've turned this one off to the point where he may not be back for a few months.  The good news for him is that you've shown him you'll be waiting for him.

I appreciate your input. I will try to move forward!

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1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

You can't argue someone into wanting to behave as they don't wish to behave.

Threats on top of that will gain you zero. Have you noticed?

I'd learn from this as I move forward.

Head high, we all learn from living.

I didn't realize he would take it as a threat. It was just what was on my mind. But i get what you mean and I will def. learn from this experience!

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49 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Why? No, I am serious, why? Why is it so important to keep the relationship with somebody that isnt into you?

If he was that into you he would have no problem to at least answer to your texts. Even if he isnt good at texting. You chasing him wont change anything. He would maybe come back to you down the line again, you would still try to communicate and he would brush you off. Because, again, he doesnt care. He ghosted your ass few months ago and doing the same thing now.

Also, your "tactics" are ridiculous. If you talk to him and he doesnt improve, you either leave it as it is or go away. Because again, he clearly doesnt care. There is no need for, text, then longer text, then deleting him off social media. You do realize that you are texting the guy that wont text you about why he wont text you? See how ridiculous that sounds?

Retain your dignity and walk away from this one. 

Thats true... the reason why I called him out on the not texting thing is because he told me to call him out on things. He says I'm too nice to him. But you are right, he doesn't care. I look so desperate.

I like to try and try with every relationship of mine so I know that I tried and I have no regrets about it. It's difficult for me to open up to guys and with him I felt comfort and we had a connection. Clearly, that was just one-sided. Obviously, it's a tough pill to swallow but hey I will move forward and hopefully meet a better guy. I always think I'll never meet someone as good as the guy I'm dating.

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22 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

So you actually text him to complain he doesn't text you enough?  Not everyone texts all the time!  I think you came off as being super pushy and demanding and I dont blame this guy for not bothering with you anymore.  You do sound difficult.  You need to learn to lighten up and not be so demanding. 

Maybe you're right but he barely puts any effort into the relationship. I'm the one picking him up from his house, driving, etc... so I viewed this as putting effort in. But I guess you are right, everyones got their own texting styles.

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11 hours ago, fallininlove said:

He didn't respond so I sent him a long text saying he needs to communicate more and if he can't then maybe we should just end it. Tuesday came and he still didn't respond and I then deleted him off social media.

At 12 weeks dating it's good you cut your losses. You're chasing him too hard.

 Why is it all about texting, calling and social media?

How often do you see each other in person? 

Text tethering is very annoying.  Try not to do that.

If you feel someone is not communicating appropriately with you, it's good you ended it.

 

Edited by Wiseman2
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well looks like you really want to work things with him and he doesn't. All these issues so early in the relationship just gives you a strong sign that you both are not compatible. It's better to move on from all this cause the more you spend time and energy on him the more you feel exhausted angry insecure frustrated etc . Relationship should be comforting, secure, loving, caring and also loving each others individual life too. Look at your well being here and move on from all this.

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9 hours ago, fallininlove said:

I look so desperate

And it's just not attractive.

Every chance you gave him solidified the fact that no matter what he does, you will take him back 

He wasn't ready for a relationship, ok. When he came back around that time, he should have been 100% all in.  But he ghosted you.  

That should have been the deal breaker. The end.

You may have known him for 3 years... but are you mistaking quantity of time for quality of time? He had a family emergency that lasted several months? 

In that time he still worked and lived his life.  He chose to use that as an excuse and play like he is so deep and so affected... don't you feel bad for him?  he had to ghost you. His brother was in ICU for 3 months. That is awful but not a reason to ghost someone.  Not a friend of 3 years... 

You are not seeing things clearly with this guy...

You are too nice but then you also act dramatic with empty threats. (telling him you should end it if he can't text you more, delete him and then call him to talk it out.)

This is not a healthy happy union.  Walk away. Find a guy you don't have to change. That calls and texts you because he wants to.  He wants to be in your life and include you in his. 

This situation is total BS. You deserve better. 

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11 hours ago, catfeeder said:

You can't argue someone into wanting to behave as they don't wish to behave.

Threats on top of that will gain you zero. Have you noticed?

I'd learn from this as I move forward.

Head high, we all learn from living.

You say you want communication and yet you choose text as a way to express anger and frustration and issue threats. Do you want communication or simply someone who’s willing to text to reassure you that he’s still into you or somehow show you he’s thinking of you ? Texting doesn’t show that- or don’t assume it does. It’s easy to text while doing what you really care about.
 

Someone who wants to talk to you in a meaningful way in a serious platonic or romantic relationship will choose in person or phone. if they can’t then they’ll text when there’s something important and won’t hide behind a phone screen to type arguments.  
 

Someone who wants to keep tabs on you and make sure he and she knows where you are will insist on frequent texting. That’s not healthy communication.  Consider your true motives. 

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11 hours ago, fallininlove said:

Maybe you're right but he barely puts any effort into the relationship. I'm the one picking him up from his house, driving, etc... so I viewed this as putting effort in. But I guess you are right, everyones got their own texting styles.

What's the attraction if you think he's not putting in any effort?  This bugs you, so he does not appear to be a match for you.  Of course everyone is different and you need to figure out how to accept that.  As for this guy, move on,

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12 hours ago, fallininlove said:

Maybe you're right but he barely puts any effort into the relationship. I'm the one picking him up from his house, driving, etc... so I viewed this as putting effort in. But I guess you are right, everyones got their own texting styles.

 

Yeah... none of this sounds good.  From his lack of communication to your reaction, blocking/unblocking.

So, yes, I'd say it was basically one sided. IF someone is truly into you, you'll know it.

I was involved with a guy short term, as he had his license suspended.  I realized I was NOT into being the one to always travel.  If they don't give a little, it will affect the relationship.

Anyways, the whole involvement with this guy sounds like a downer.  Is like he was in- then out , ever since you've known him! ( may have commitment issues).

Then be strong.. be done now!  Don't waste your time on people like this.

No more contact... get over this one and move on.

 

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