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Fincher2021
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2 hours ago, mylolita said:

Batya!

 

Oh no! Facebook Wars! Been off that place for over 6 years now and never looked back!

 

Some people always presume the worst of everyone, cut no slack and take themselves way too seriously! 
 

Life is too short! Sorry you were policed on Facey B! 

 

Lo x

I personally love FB for many reasons and I never post about anything religion or political based or personal -or photos including of my son.  It helped me with my job search and is incredible for the groups I've been able to join plus staying in touch with family and friends.  Because I don't post the way many do - photos/what they had for lunch/what time they are leaving their house for the whole weekend/political nonsense - I don't experience as many of the downsides.  For sure there are downsides.  

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13 hours ago, mylolita said:

This is interesting for me because of the different levels of perspective everyone has! People take things differently, that’s very obvious, even from this thread! What would annoy, offend, put some off would not even register with others or would seem totally begin and no issue.

 

We all have known a pompous someone who makes a hobby of correcting and belittling people as Cherylyn has said. What matters to me is not someone being above their station or throwing the dictionary at you to fluff up their own fragile ego but is the intention behind all of their actions and words. If they mean to make you feel bad, then bad on them. If, like yourself, it was a quick comment you made without thinking and meaning no harm what so ever then your intentions were good and it has been a miscommunication. I think it’s immature she never gave you a chance to explain yourself!

 

 

Unfortunately, after giving some people numerous chances to behave kindly, their HABITUAL and CHRONIC rudeness and disrespect towards me or my loved ones was simply too much for me to continue tolerating.  It was time to enforce healthy, serious boundaries.

I fully support those who don't have deliberate intentions to make sure you know that you are an inferior idiot.  However, due to my experience, this was never the case.  Repetitive offenses were endless so the only answer was to replace perpetrators with people who know how to behave with honor and class.  Nothing else matters. 

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My cousin's wife posted an entire long Halloween poem on Facebook. It was actually pretty well written and entertaining, but she spelled it 'hurst' when she meant 'hearse'.  Throughout the entire poem. And she used it a lot.

I said nothing. What would be the point? I would imagine it would either hurt her feelings or make her angry. Neither of which is a good result. I just "liked" it and left it at that.

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2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My cousin's wife posted an entire long Halloween poem on Facebook. It was actually pretty well written and entertaining, but she spelled it 'hurst' when she meant 'hearse'.  Throughout the entire poem. And she used it a lot.

I said nothing. What would be the point? I would imagine it would either hurt her feelings or make her angry. Neither of which is a good result. I just "liked" it and left it at that.

Maybe she did it on purpose - you know -poetic license?  Especially for creative writing no, I would never correct.  I've been asked to review resumes, and school admission essays and sometimes creative writing and I always ask in advance if it's ok for me to point out typos/mistakes, etc.  The answer invariably is yes.  But I always ask. 

So the real question is -if she sent it to you to read and told you it was because she wanted to submit it to a publication would you point it out then?  One of my friends read me a poem she wrote over the phone that she was thinking of submitting to a publication.  I liked it a lot and I noticed she used a cliche which struck me as odd -using a cliche when the rest was so original.  So I told her I noticed she'd used it and it made me pause a bit. 

She loved the feedback because, when she wrote the poem, the cliche was supposed to be a quote from a conversation she'd had -the other person used it.  So she told me in writing it was in italics and found it really interesting I noted it.  No, I wasn't "correcting" her and yes she got that I found it distracted from the originality of the rest.  I was a little concerned of pointing it out to be honest and she took it well - assumed it meant I was keenly listening.  Which I was.  

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Different situation. If she's asking for feedback then yes, I would tell her. But she posted it on her Facebook page to share with her friends. 

Yes exactly and she may have done it intentionally -maybe hurst refers to a term she uses elsewhere.  And I guess people are less likely to spell check a poem.

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29 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes exactly and she may have done it intentionally -maybe hurst refers to a term she uses elsewhere.  And I guess people are less likely to spell check a poem.

The context she used it in, she clearly meant a hearse (mentioning transporting the dead, etc.)  "Hurst" is the brand name of shifters that are used in cars but I don't know of any other use for the word lol.

It's fine, I don't care.  The point I was making is, there isn't any reason to feel you MUST correct someone if they make an error.  My brother texted me today and said "trail" when he meant "trial" and I didn't correct him even though I've known him my entire life.  I knew what he meant.

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7 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

The context she used it in, she clearly meant a hearse (mentioning transporting the dead, etc.)  "Hurst" is the brand name of shifters that are used in cars but I don't know of any other use for the word lol.

It's fine, I don't care.  The point I was making is, there isn't any reason to feel you MUST correct someone if they make an error.  My brother texted me today and said "trail" when he meant "trial" and I didn't correct him even though I've known him my entire life.  I knew what he meant.

I meant it might be a made up term she uses in her creative writing. Yes. I think the OP meant it as a joke but without knowing her sense of humor - I also think too much texting with someone you don’t know well can give a false sense of familiarity. 

Edited by Batya33
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I love a little good natured poking fun at each other and like to get that in early to see how compatible we are. Honestly, if I couldn’t joke around in a relationship, it would not be one for me. Glad you found this out early! 

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2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

It was actually pretty well written and entertaining, but she spelled it 'hurst' when she meant 'hearse'. 

A couple years ago, I worked on a lot of flood mitigation projects. One of the projects addressed the erosion of the barrier islands along the south coast of Long Island, NY. One of these barrier islands was Fire Island, which is well known as an "iconic gay resort" (to quote wikipedia) with a wild party scene. 

As with any big project, this one involved tons of studies and tons of reports. To make a long story short, one of these reports detailed the numerous breaches that cut through Fire Island after Hurricane Sandy.* But the person who wrote the report spelled "breaches" as its homophone, "breeches." And to make matters worse, this error was repeated throughout the entire report, and the person (who had to be right out of college) phrased the sentences like this, "Breeches were opening up and down Fire Island." 

I thought it was absolutely hilarious. I wanted to say something so that the error got corrected, but I remained silent. All of my coworkers were male and much older than me, almost like fathers. I didn't want to make things weird by being the perv who honed in on the sexual innuendo in the feasibility study. Fortunately (or unfortunately) one of the clients noticed well before the report was ever published. She pointed it out in a conference call and it was obvious that she found it as funny as I did.

I never did find out who wrote that particular report.

_____________________

*In case you are wondering, the "breaches" were the areas where the ocean cut through the island into the bay, effectively creating numerous islands where there had only been one island before.

Edited by Jibralta
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I once made a joke with an aquaintance that didn’t go over well. She had 3 cats named “Power” “Puff” and “Girl”. You know like Power Puff Girls? I thought she was joking and responded (via text) “you should get 8 more cats and name them "TV show episodes four through eight best favs"… she never responded again so either she didn’t get the joke, didn’t find it funny or was totally unironic in naming her cats that way. Oh well. People who get you and your humor exist and the ones who don’t are just not a great match. 

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34 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My brother texted me today and said "trail" when he meant "trial" and I didn't correct him even though I've known him my entire life.  I knew what he meant.

You could have said "Well, you do trail to go to ________" and make it a word play. Not saying that you should just that it shouldnt be interpreted as a bad thing every time. 

I dunno, I think mylolita is right from that point. People are quick to judge. But rarely assume intention other then bad intention. People are rarely openly malicious. I mean sure, people can be snarky, full of themselves, jealous, all kinds. But we need to properly "read" intentions, not just assume worst every time. Trouble is that is so rare these days. Where people see every joke at their expanse as an attack on their personality. I got the friend that busted my balls over some hard exam that I couldnt pass a long time ago. Like "Ha, when we get to our high school reunion in few years you would still have that exam". But I knew he does it to motivate me in his own way, not to bring me down. He even admitted that to me few years ago. And its not really that hard to "read" people intentions if you spend some time with them. And to know why they say certain stuff. In OPs case they havent spend that much time but its still a big overreaction to block him without letting him at least explain. But again, it rubbed her the wrong way and people these days rarely even give benefit of the doubt. And again, its not a big loss if she is like that.

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28 minutes ago, BecxyRex said:

I once made a joke with an aquaintance that didn’t go over well. She had 3 cats named “Power” “Puff” and “Girl”. You know like Power Puff Girls? I thought she was joking and responded (via text) “you should get 8 more cats and name them "TV show episodes four through eight best favs"… she never responded again so either she didn’t get the joke, didn’t find it funny or was totally unironic in naming her cats that way. Oh well. People who get you and your humor exist and the ones who don’t are just not a great match. 

Loollll Awkward 

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3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

 

You'd say otherwise if you knew the creatures in my midst both past and present. ☹️  I've heard and seen it all.  I've given countless people chances galore and multiple benefits of the doubt only for the abuse to continue as long as I gave them permission to use me as their verbal punching bag.  No joke and there was nothing amusing about it.  Unkind intentions were very real indeed.  I've since learned that "intentions" only occur if I'm vulnerable to it.  I'm at the point where I really don't care what people say, write or do as long as I am not on the receiving end of it and I'm not in the perpetrator's company.  I do my disappearing act and let the perpetrator talk to a wall to their heart's content for all I care.  I must say my enforced boundaries work splendidly.  It's all fair and good.  Nowadays, I simply surround myself with people who know how to behave conscientiously.  My only regret is that I didn't learn this lesson earlier because I could've saved myself a lot of grief.  Better late than never. 

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I've heard it all.  "It was not my intent."  Here are my all time favorite lines:  "You took it the wrong way" courtesy of my MIL (mother-in-law) years ago.  "You're a loose cannon."  "What is wrong with you?"  What the h _ _ _ ?  Here's another act:  Crying because the perpetrator needs to garner sympathy in order to make you look like a bald face liar.  Then there's classic gaslighting tactics and nasty psychological warfare.  I know all the typical mind games, head trips and tricks.  It's the soap opera mentality.  I'm out. 

Those are all real deal breakers. 

 

 

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20 hours ago, Jibralta said:

A couple years ago, I worked on a lot of flood mitigation projects. One of the projects addressed the erosion of the barrier islands along the south coast of Long Island, NY. One of these barrier islands was Fire Island, which is well known as an "iconic gay resort" (to quote wikipedia) with a wild party scene. 

As with any big project, this one involved tons of studies and tons of reports. To make a long story short, one of these reports detailed the numerous breaches that cut through Fire Island after Hurricane Sandy.* But the person who wrote the report spelled "breaches" as its homophone, "breeches." And to make matters worse, this error was repeated throughout the entire report, and the person (who had to be right out of college) phrased the sentences like this, "Breeches were opening up and down Fire Island." 

I thought it was absolutely hilarious. I wanted to say something so that the error got corrected, but I remained silent. All of my coworkers were male and much older than me, almost like fathers. I didn't want to make things weird by being the perv who honed in on the sexual innuendo in the feasibility study. Fortunately (or unfortunately) one of the clients noticed well before the report was ever published. She pointed it out in a conference call and it was obvious that she found it as funny as I did.

I never did find out who wrote that particular report.

_____________________

*In case you are wondering, the "breaches" were the areas where the ocean cut through the island into the bay, effectively creating numerous islands where there had only been one island before.

It’s like the unfortunate spell check mistake of in the public interest but with public missing the L.  Yes I once did correct someone as I knew he’d be beyond embarrassed if it was distributed.  He thanked me!

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You really have to know your audience and it's not always what you say but how you say it.  If your delivery is off,  you will be perceived as rude, disrespectful or offensive.  Some people appreciate being corrected whereas others will react with frustration and anger.   Or, they'll simply cut you off which is easier.  Hence, the passive aggressive route of permanently dissolving and exiting their association with you.

It's best to err on the side of caution.  People want you to play nice.  If you step out of bounds, they'll think you have some nerve and they won't play nice with you anymore either.  If you're prepared for backlash, then continue correcting others.  If you wish to avoid unpleasant scenarios, then tread lightly and politely. 

 

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On 11/12/2021 at 8:48 PM, BecxyRex said:

Honestly, if I couldn’t joke around in a relationship, it would not be one for me.

This is important for me, too. Even my friends are funny--and thick skinned, too. Just a few weeks ago, we were at an early dinner with three other couples and a '9th wheel,' all of whom we've known since high school. My boyfriend obliterated my friend Lisa, making fun of her for her always being angry and dissatisfied, while she protested that she was perfectly happy. The whole table was laughing hysterically. One girl was literally crying because she was laughing so hard. That's the best, if you ask me.

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This is a woman who he's only gone on one date with, IIRC.  There's no established friendship or relationship.  If you come out of the gate like he did it's likely to not be as well received as it would be from a friend or someone you've been dating for a longer period of time.

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18 hours ago, boltnrun said:

This is a woman who he's only gone on one date with, IIRC.  There's no established friendship or relationship.  If you come out of the gate like he did it's likely to not be as well received as it would be from a friend or someone you've been dating for a longer period of time.

I see what you're saying, but I think it all boils down to disposition. If someone corrected him like that, he probably wouldn't care. I know I wouldn't--it'd be game on and you'd better have your commas straight after that lol. It's unfortunate when you find out that you hurt someone's feelings. That never feels good unless you're a sadist (which he is clearly not). It's unfortunate when someone that you like decides to take their ball and go home. But I think it's inevitable that you will discover this incompatibility early on. These are two different personalities and they have very different needs and wants. After you scratch the surface, it's like oil and water.

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