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Fincher2021
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14 hours ago, Fincher2021 said:

I told her she was fine but sometimes I point it out to people if I noticed. I should have stressed that it was just a joke and that I didn’t really care that there was a mistake. But I really thought nothing of it.

I think this is where it went wrong. You didn't appear to apologize but instead defended yourself. You also re-emphasized that you saw her error as a "mistake" and were somewhat condescending about it, indicating you point out other people's "mistakes". In essence, you doubled down.

So yeah, you two are incompatible as you seem to find it fun to point out grammar mistakes and she apparently doesn't.

I would suggest dialing this need to correct down until you know whether or not the woman you're dating also finds your corrections funny or entertaining. Some couples enjoy needling or competing with one another. You can find a woman who enjoys that kind of thing. This one doesn't.

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I'm afraid that your sense of connection and vibe was more one sided than you realize. I doubt she blocked you because of a joke gone south, but rather because she was already on the fence about you in general.

Basically, whether it's this or something else, you were already on the way out with her, you just didn't know it....as often goes with dating.

Also, Wiseman has a good point - be careful about trying to create or relive the same dynamic with a new woman that you had with your ex. It will backfire on you every single time. Make sure you let that past go properly and start completely fresh with a new person.

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1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

Oh well....you two were not compatible because your sense of humor to her wasn't so funny. It's not a match.

I think that about sums it up! It's for the best, though, believe me. Sense of humor is important. I'm a big time ball-buster and I could never be with someone who couldn't dish it right back. I'd be miserable walking on eggshells all the time.

15 hours ago, Fincher2021 said:

I finally asked if she wanted to do something fun tomorrow to which she said that she didn’t like the fact that I corrected her on an  insignificant text and that it really turned her off and she didn’t see us hanging out again.

I really think you dodged a bullet. 

Edited by Jibralta
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11 hours ago, Fincher2021 said:

Right. Probably doesn’t work well overall for me. I guess I just didn’t think she would react that way which is obviously another reason I sent it.  Probably even subconsciously. I knew I didn’t know her THAT well but I guess I thought well enough that this wouldn’t be a big deal.  But obviously I didn’t know her well enough.

 I guess I also should not have made the joke that I was the “grammar police” after the fact.  Someone told me that was where I probably crossed the line.  But again, I was mainly messing around.   And I should have really emphasized that I was joking around. I kinda tried to imply it but that might be misconstrued in texts.  

You keep blaming yourself. Honestly, if she had voiced her discomfort about your joke or the way you reacted about it early on, this whole drama could've been avoided. And to be even more honest, when we really like someone we find a way to work it out. She didn't try anything, except to express her discomfort and block you.

I know this situation blows, but I do hope that you find a suitable woman. 🙂

Edited by greendots
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I would have never ever said anything.  Correcting someone's grammar without fully knowing them is condescending.  Some people text quickly, and can be brilliant, but it doesn't mean they are typing what they are thinking.  Case in point, I do it all the time.  And my hubs has learned to not correct.  Next time, save yourself from coming off as a ***.  I'm sure you are super nice, but nit picking like that is a giant turnoff.  It is the opposite of romantic.  

If you really dig her, be normal, and isn't of doing the back and forth text clarification how you didn't mean it because you are whatever, just send her a nice bouquet of flowers, and write "I kicked the grammar police out of my house, and they'll never bother you ever again.  One more chance, please?"

What you said wasn't a joke.  It was a way to exert superiority.  So it has nothing to do with her sense of humor, but everything to do with you being a nit picker.

Edited by tattoobunnie
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I revise what I wrote based on what Reinvent wrote. I can see where she didn’t overreact. I remember some men making sexual jokes before we met in person that might have been fine once we knew each other.  I declined to meet that person. 

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Hey OP!

 

My tuppence on this issue goes something like this:

 

Never apologise when you don’t mean it, always be yourself, be unashamedly exactly who you want to be, say what you want and do what you want and if someone doesn’t like it then you know they don’t like you! But when someone does like you, they will like you for the full you, obvious and out there warts n’all! 
 

You did nothing wrong. Worse things happen. Not everyone’s humour is the same, not everyone reads things in the same tone over text. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Move on and carry on being yourself, the right girl will love it, the wrong ones will… run and block you 😉

 

Lo x

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2 hours ago, DancingFool said:

I'm afraid that your sense of connection and vibe was more one sided than you realize. I doubt she blocked you because of a joke gone south, but rather because she was already on the fence about you in general

Honestly I understand why that could be interpreted but I don't think so.  She said things and seemed to want to hang out more while I was even just trying to play it cool.  Listen I’m not saying I’m totally right but I’d be surprised. We seemed very much on the same page. She would even say it to me and tell me how much fun she was having. It felt genuine. But I guess there’s the possibility it’s not. 

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2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I revise what I wrote based on what Reinvent wrote. I can see where she didn’t overreact. I remember some men making sexual jokes before we met in person that might have been fine once we knew each other.  I declined to meet that person. 

Understood. I think a sexual joke is probably even more crude than this. I guess where I went wrong is something like this would almost never bother me or never bother me to this extreme. I guess I never realized it can really really annoy people. And that is something I never really knew so I learned that.  

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2 hours ago, tattoobunnie said:

And my hubs has learned to not correct

Yea. So you didn’t end it over this. You just let him know so now he doesn’t do it.  That’s all I would have wanted. I get a marriage is different than just dating but it seemed to me like it was a resolvable issue.  But maybe it wasn’t and I’ll accept it and move on.  Lesson learned. 

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I really wouldn't overthink this any more than you are. 

When I was single? I remember being instantly turned off by some pretty innocuous gestures/comments made by perfectly lovely human beings, and turning off others with some (IMO) innocuous gestures/comments of my own. Is what it is: a thing that happens with people we hardly know, regardless of the sizzle of a vibe, the hopes/projections we can't help but start leaning into. 

This thread, after all, is a great reminder of that, with varying interpretations of her, of you, of the whole thing. With the right person—and I'm not talking life partner here, just the right person for a 3rd or 6th date—you won't have "issues" that need "resolving." That's for year two, year five of a relationship, not the first sneezes of dating. 

 

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Well, it's dating, not a contract. It's like "at will" employment. Either of you can choose to stop seeing the other for any reason or no reason. She chose to stop.

The only things I would take away is to realize not everyone will share your sense of humor, and not everyone will think they "owe" you a chance to explain further. 

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You didn't know her long enough to be making comments like that.  In the beginning, especially, you will get further with flattery than you will with pointing out her "mistakes."  People want to be with others who make them feel good, not substandard.

Edited by waffle
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12 hours ago, waffle said:

You didn't know her long enough to be making comments like that.  In the beginning, especially, you will get further with flattery than you will with pointing out her "mistakes."  People want to be with others who make them feel good, not substandard.

Great points. 

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She doesn't owe it to him to stay with him if he's not what she wants.  She ended it and then blocked him.  That's what you do when you don't want to continue with someone, regardless of what the reason is.  She bid him good day and has moved on, and he should move on as well.  

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On 11/10/2021 at 12:29 PM, tattoobunnie said:

Some people text quickly, and can be brilliant, but it doesn't mean they are typing what they are thinking.  Case in point, I do it all the time.

This is exactly why i thought it was funny.  its a dumb text message.  not a term paper.  i make mistakes all the time on texts.  its almost a funny observation to tease because its so unimportant.  i wasnt serious.  i almost didnt even think of it as a correction although i know ultimately it technically was. but i did it too early, came across wrong and ultimately it's probably something that isnt even worth the humor cause i could see how it might bother some and i dont wanna annoy anyone that much.  i get it.  im over it.  moving on.  just wanted to get some feedback and i appreciate everyone's input!  

Edited by Fincher2021
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I'll give you an example of what happened to me long ago with my next door suburban neighbor. 

Both of our sons are close in age and I thought that her two sons would make good friends with mine.  I thought this neighbor and her husband were good people and since the four of us are all within the same age bracket, it would be possible to become neighborly and close. 

Upon meeting them, at first, they were very nice.   However,  I noticed that every single time we had a casual conversation in our front yards or at my backyard barbecues, the wife would deliberately use complex terminology or "big words" to the point of sounding unnatural.  Normal people don't speak this way.  Normal people don't put on any airs and generally speak in layman's terms.  Note she used very long words where you would have to research what these words meant in order to comprehend her style of speech.   I eventually figured out that she was trying her best to make others feel stupid and inferior.  Even her sons admonished their mother for her obnoxious habit.  (Her husband uses foul language easily but that's another story for another day.) 

Several of my friends are Ph.D's yet they speak normally.  Secure people are very humble and modest. 

My neighbor's sons were super goofy and didn't pay attention (ADD / ADHD).  While they were cute, they were naughty and not a good influence on my sons who were calm, well behaved and attentive.  Our church brethren are also our friends.  It was just as well that we weren't a good match in the neighbor or friend department.  My intuition was correct.  Her sons socialize with a rough crowd, smoke, etc.  

I always wave "hello" to these next door neighbors if I'm driving or walking by.  In the past, I was kind to them.  When the wife's mother died, I brought homemade dinner to her husband and sons while the wife traveled thousands of miles to attend her mother's funeral.  In the past, for holidays, I gave them home baked goods.   After several years, food giving eventually came to a halt and now we're reduced to waving "hello" or saying, "hello" if we're both outside. 

To be corrected or made to feel "less than" feels as if we're not smart enough, not educated enough and unsophisticated.  My neighbor deliberately made me feel substandard as another poster "waffle" had so accurately described.  I felt very disrespected numerous times.  OP, "Fincher2021" this was not your intent but you need to be empathetic and very careful with people otherwise it's easy to alienate others just as my neighbor had done to me long ago.  Granted, I've since forgiven her.  However, I'd never forgotten her arrogance and rudeness towards me.  The only way for me to protect myself from further insults is to simply avoid her.  I've enforced very strong, healthy boundaries with my next door neighbors.  We have very peaceful enforced boundaries. 

Understand human nature and you will navigate yourself more cautiously and wisely in the future.  Live and learn.  You will be fine. 

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People never forget how you made them feel.  This is why passive aggressive behavior is so easy to do as a form of retaliation and permanently preventing rudeness and disrespect in the future.  No one wants to feel offended twice.  This is universal human nature. 

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This is interesting for me because of the different levels of perspective everyone has! People take things differently, that’s very obvious, even from this thread! What would annoy, offend, put some off would not even register with others or would seem totally begin and no issue.

 

We all have known a pompous someone who makes a hobby of correcting and belittling people as Cherylyn has said. What matters to me is not someone being above their station or throwing the dictionary at you to fluff up their own fragile ego but is the intention behind all of their actions and words. If they mean to make you feel bad, then bad on them. If, like yourself, it was a quick comment you made without thinking and meaning no harm what so ever then your intentions were good and it has been a miscommunication. I think it’s immature she never gave you a chance to explain yourself!

 

Making a comment that is misinterpreted by another is not a crime! Happens everyday. I don’t think you should feel bad or beat yourself up or change because of this. You didn’t mean to upset her. Like others have said, you were incompatible. Better to find out sooner rather than later!

 

I used to have an old best friend. We grew up together and she ended up dating and living with this guy who was training up to be a doctor. He was exactly the type of guy who thought his intelligence was just beyond most people and seemed bored and irritated by anyone else even speaking. He liked to drop things in to try and catch you out. People like this are annoying to me but not offensive or upsetting. I kinda almost dug the challenge! I used to jibe and have a giggle with him, call him “the good doctor” and ask him how many more times he was gonna re-take his exams (because ironically, for how much of a genius he thought he was, it sure did take a few college tries to pass those exams!)

 

I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed but I’m not a complete idiot. Throughout my life people have corrected me all the time in many different ways. In fact, I love to receive criticism because when I get people just filling me with compliments and kissing my a** it makes me wonder if they are coming from a genuine place or telling me what they think I would like to hear!
 

Everyone reacts to this stuff differently - I’m sorry you really liked her but these things happen. Others have said change your ways or watch what you say, I would go against that and just be yourself. If you were purposefully hurting people and putting girls down that would be a different story, but, you seem like a nice guy and the joke went flat. It’s okay, no sweat!

 

Lo x

 

PS - my grammar is terrible! Ha! 

Edited by mylolita
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Lolita yes to all. I too find all the different perspectives interesting! I wanted to add that a good litmus test - your post reminded me - is “would you rather be right or be close?”  People who do the big words /try to trip you up simply want to be “right “ and transparently so. 

I got called out in a Facebook group because totally by accident I clicked the ha ha emoji instead of care. no. It wasn’t a death it was a concerning post about the pandemic situation.
 

She commented as to why would I ever think it’s funny. She was upset with me.  It’s an emoji. So I responded as to my mistake and that of course I’d changed it and I’d been clicking in a distracted way.  This was followed by a number of people noting they’d made the same mistake. She could have assumed I’d made a mistake. It takes all types of people and I’m glad I’m not dating her lol. 

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2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Lolita yes to all. I too find all the different perspectives interesting! I wanted to add that a good litmus test - your post reminded me - is “would you rather be right or be close?”  People who do the big words /try to trip you up simply want to be “right “ and transparently so. 

I got called out in a Facebook group because totally by accident I clicked the ha ha emoji instead of care. no. It wasn’t a death it was a concerning post about the pandemic situation.
 

She commented as to why would I ever think it’s funny. She was upset with me.  It’s an emoji. So I responded as to my mistake and that of course I’d changed it and I’d been clicking in a distracted way.  This was followed by a number of people noting they’d made the same mistake. She could have assumed I’d made a mistake. It takes all types of people and I’m glad I’m not dating her lol. 

Batya!

 

Oh no! Facebook Wars! Been off that place for over 6 years now and never looked back!

 

Some people always presume the worst of everyone, cut no slack and take themselves way too seriously! 
 

Life is too short! Sorry you were policed on Facey B! 

 

Lo x

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On 11/10/2021 at 3:19 PM, Fincher2021 said:

Yea. So you didn’t end it over this. You just let him know so now he doesn’t do it.  That’s all I would have wanted. I get a marriage is different than just dating but it seemed to me like it was a resolvable issue.  But maybe it wasn’t and I’ll accept it and move on.  Lesson learned. 

He never ever did it once when dating.  Nor ever by texting/email because his punctuation and capitalization is horrendous, nor do I point it out unless he asks me too because it's his cover letter or resume.  It's like you're about to make out, and she uses doesn't use a salad fork for salad...and you point it out...huge turnoff.  Nit-picking in general says a lot about you, and not about them.  When people are thinking a mile a minute, and excited to talk to you a mile a minute...let the grammar or spelling police go unless they are asking you to proofread their work.

Edited by tattoobunnie
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