Wedding band switch

[SSB444]

I have a white gold diamond wedding band and engagement ring. Sometimes I will just wear the diamond band, but every now and again I have exchanged it for a simple gold band (same size and by itself no engagement ring) if I’m just feeling all gold or wanting to be simplistic. This gold ring was not given to my husband, but is one from a stack I had made. I thought its ok to switch it up bc I’m still representing my marriage, but my husband was definitely not ok with this one he noticed. He thinks there is another reason behind it and that no one else does this. I felt pretty secure in our marriage and didn’t think it was a big deal. Has anyone done this not thinking it would be a problem? I want feedback on if this is super weird or possibly ordinary for some.

[Lambert]

1 minute ago, SSB444 said:

felt pretty secure in our marriage and didn’t think it was a big deal.

You might be but he's not. 

I think you talk to him about why he feels this way.  Was it just his expectations that you both would always wear your rings? 

What is the other reason(s)? 

I'd let go of being "right" at this time and try to understand him more. 

Something isn't right in Whoville. And fighting with him about this probably isn't what you think it is. 

[SSB444]

We have been married for 9 years. I’ve worn it to the pool/beach and it was not a big deal. He just thinks it’s not normal for me to just “switch it up” one day bc of an outfit of bc I’m not feeling the bling. I guess I thought it still symbolized my marriage and no one would question it bc it looks like a plain gold wedding band. I definitely won’t be making that decision again, but just want a poll to see if I’m alone in doing this. 

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, SSB444 said:

my husband was definitely not ok with this one he noticed. He thinks there is another reason behind it

Is he usually this suspicious, paranoid or controlling?

[goddess]

Personally, I would not wear the gold band on my ring finger.  That finger should be reserved for the diamond band because it was the one you were married with, and that is the one that symbolises your vows and should be sacred.  I do understand where you are coming from but I would have to agree with your husband on this one.  

I used to like matching my outfits and so I used to wear different coloured contact lenses to match them.  Crazy, I know but that's different. I wouldn't waste any more time arguing/discussing this ring situation with your husband.  Why create problems over, if I may say so, such a silly thing?  It's so easy to fix:  just wear your white gold diamond wedding bank.  Problem fixed.  Wear other jewelry to match your outfits!

 

[Rose Mosse]

I suppose it would beg the question why would you want to. When I was married I liked the ring there and I dislike rings in general. It was that someone I loved gave it to me so I liked looking at it and having it there.

Having said that you should wear what you want. I know couples who don't even wear rings (married 30+ years). Their belief is in simplicity and not in flashy things or jewellery. I think it's just personal choice. 

It's too bad he feels uncomfortable. Don't accuse him of anything. There must be reasons (you know of) why he feels the way he does. I'd look at any other issues between the two of you and deal with that. If you've gotten to the point where rings are a problem and rings are symbolic, I think you have bigger issues under the surface.

[Cherylyn]

I have a 1 ct.  diamond solitaire platinum engagement ring and an accompanying wedding band with tiny diamonds encircling the entire band's circumference.  I never wear this set for housecleaning, cooking, exercise and grubby outings.  I only wear this set when I know I'll be gentle with my hands such as  dining out, socializing or special occasions.   My ring set still looks brand new and in mint condition with nary a scratch on it.  (Same with my other fine jewelry, handbags, fine apparel, shoes, etc.)  I'm not rough with my valuables. 

I don't wear jewelry at home. 

For my everyday job or errands, I wear a cheap, simulated diamond ring. 

My husband's platinum wedding band is 6mm thick with tiny diamonds at a slanted angle.  He doesn't wear his wedding band for mowing the lawn, yard work, repairing or maintaining our vehicles, washing cars on our driveway, grubby house repairs and the like.  All jewelry is stored in my jewelry box when not in use. 

I agree with Wiseman2.  Your husband has control issues.

[Batya33]

I think it depends.  My wedding band is the band I was married in and was my husband's grandmother's.  I adored her.  So did he.  I was supposed to have her fancier wedding band but it's MIA.  I don't care.  I love that I have jewelry from her and that my husband knows I wear it.  I wear the engagement ring he gave me.  I wear both 24/7.  Took them off to give birth and for certain medical procedures. 

My husband would be hurt if I switched it up for a fashion reason with a ring he didn't get me or that didn't symbolize our wedding vows.  To me it's special and symbolic.  I do think the couple each has a say in what is worn as far as wedding rings but I also think it's ok if a person chooses not to wear his or her ring at all because of comfort or safety.  Switching it up as you suggested wouldn't sit right with me. 

I don't think it's controlling because of the symbolism of the rings.  Obviously it means a lot to him.  I get it.  You don't. I can see where you're coming from and where he is coming from.  I wouldn't fight this battle over a fashion choice.

[tattoobunnie]

My eldest bro gave his wife a diamond band for their 10th anniversary, which she now wears instead of the original one.  Maybe he can get you a new wedding band for your anniversary?

My mom got a small diamond engagement ring from my dad, which her parents heckled him for, so he wound up getting a 2 carat one from Tiffany's, and a few years later got her a 3 carat one which she sold a few years later after that.  And she wears neither of them, and instead, cocktail rings or other gem rings she got traveling.  My point is, found out why he's upset if you wear the band or not.  Because a ring doesn't make anyone keep it in their pants if they don't want to.

[Cherylyn]

The reason why this is a control issue is because no one wants to be told what to do.  If you're already secure in your marriage, there isn't a reason to be insistent upon which ring you wear and your husband making a big deal out of this. 

My husband and I personally prefer to protect our valuables and maintain them in pristine condition and our valuables always look brand new because we're not rough with them.  They don't get scratched, scuffed, worn out and weathered.  We don't like to treat our valuables in a grubby way.  Hard money was spent on them so they're treated carefully. 

I wouldn't want my husband to tell me nor expect me to wear my expensive engagement ring and wedding band set for cooking, housecleaning, house work, job, errands or anytime my hands get banged around while I haphazardly tend to various tasks.  My rings would get scuffed, scratched and would look rough after months and years of abuse.  It would no longer be in mint condition anymore.  I wear a cheap simulated diamond ring for chores, errands, job, etc.  My expensive set is stored carefully and reserved for special occasions, socializing, outings with my husband, dining out and the like.  My hands don't move around much during those times.  My husband doesn't wear his fancy wedding band for mowing our lawns, yard work, vehicle repairs / maintenance, home repairs, etc.  I treat all of my pricey items gently (apparel, handbags, shoes, jewelry, special items, etc.)  My substitute items are inexpensive and easier to replace compared to my expensive items which are deliberately used quite infrequently.

Same thing with our vehicles.  We deliberately never park in "ding territory." 

Your husband shouldn't care about what other people do because they're not you and they're not him. 

The root of the problem is control which is not right.  That's what needs to be resolved instead of your husband expecting you to acquiesce against your will.  A happy medium or a harmonious symbolic compromise would be more realistic and doable; not expecting nor telling the other person what to do just because you want them to.  Know the difference. 

[Cherylyn]

If you're already secure in your marriage, your husband shouldn't suspect there's another reason for switching your rings due to your preference of the day.  He is controlling and weird.  He's creating unnecessary drama when there shouldn't be any.  He needs to stop obsessing over your ring wearing preferences each day and get a life.