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Long distance


Ashuk
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Hi, I need help as too many thoughts are running through my mind.

I met someone online and we instantly hit it off, constant communications, things moved fast. She lives in the US and I in the UK.

After a horrible breakup with my ex, I explained to her that I find it hard to trust again etc, this was until I met her, she changed everything, we became a couple having a long distance relationship with plans being made for us to be together.

Everything was amazing, we was both so happy, constant communications, videos etc, making plans, via video I met her daughter, she met my daughters.

She would tell me how much she misses me, likes me, wants me and we started to make plans for when we meet and speak of what we want in yhe future.

Anyway, I did something stupid, my children came to live with me for a while and I pulled back in my communication due to so much happening at home, this, in her words broke her and all she wanted was me, I worked so hard to show how sorry I was, how much she means to me amd to show my love for her and her daughter,she let me back in but was very hot and cold, as soon as she got close to me again or said things that indicated she still wants me, wants us she then pulls away, everything was going great again, and things were different but getting nack to how it was, I told her I will always fight for her and wait for ever how long it takes for her, she never said no, she said she loves that I am doing all this for her, I sent her flowers and gifts and she always loved them, she even loved that I sent her a photo of me, then now she decided to block me and won't speak to me, she says she needs some space as having issues in her life, and not ready for a relationship, this has truly broken me and I don't know where I stand, when she did actually reply to me she didn't once say she doesn't care or want me, nor did she say she did, she said what will be will be. She showed me she wanted us but pulls away, let me fall in love and now I can't do anything, contact her and I'm not allowed to send her or her daughter treats.

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4 minutes ago, Ashuk said:

 now I can't do anything, contact her and I'm not allowed to send her or her daughter treats.

How did it come about that you got in contact with someone this far away? 

Had you ever met in person? Sorry you went through a bad divorce and perhaps that made you vulnerable to a cyberfantasy.

Unfortunately she seems unhinged and appears to have bad very judgement if she's making all these plans and having her children on video with someone she has never met in person.

Perhaps her husband caught her or something else happened?

Be glad it's finally over so you can focus on your life as a single dad and can invest your time better in meeting local real life real women who you can date on a regular basis.

Don't introduce children to strangers so quickly.

Does she have a restraining order against you? Do not contact her or send gifts. Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

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3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How did it come about that you got in contact with someone this far away? 

Had you ever met in person? Sorry you went through a bad divorce and perhaps that made you vulnerable to a cyberfantasy.

Unfortunately she seems unhinged and appears to have bad very judgement if she's making all these plans and having her children on video with someone she has never met in person.

Perhaps her husband caught her or something else happened?

Be glad it's finally over so you can focus on your life as a single dad and can invest your time better in meeting local real life real women who you can date on a regular basis.

Don't introduce children to strangers so quickly.

Does she have a restraining order against you? Do not contact her or send gifts. Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Hi,

We met online, we got to know each other properly and ober time first, we would video call etc too.

She is definitely who she said she was, and single.

Our plans were being talked about for the future should everything continue well.

The problem was I backed off for a bit due to having my children back, she said that all she wanted was me but I broke her when I went quiet for a bit.

We wasn't star gers as this was all after time getting to know each other inside out.

Definitely not, she says she has a lot going on now in life, and has just started a new job after being off due to having her daughter. She wants me to give her some space and didn't want to have more on her plate bye messaging about why and what is going on.

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Unfortunately, you cannot truly know a person unless you spend ample time together in person. Not amount of video calls or chats can tell you as much as being in someone's physical presence over an extended period. You two lacked that last component, which despite what you may think, matters very much. 

I think it is likely that she has met someone else locally and cut you off so you don't find out.  I don't buy that you being busy with your children is the reason she called this all off. She is a parent too and would almost surely understand that children take time and attention. This sounds a lot more like a convenient excuse so she doesn't have to tell you the truth.

But if you step back, how feasible would this arrangement really have been in practical terms? You live on different continents and both have kids. Uprooting your (and their lives) to be together would have presented enormous challenges and not likely have been the most realistic plan, in the end. 

I'm sorry but it sounds like this whole online romance wore off for her and she's moved on. 

 

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You built a fantasy bubble around one another's fantasies, yet engaging in real life tends to pop those bubbles. They're not sustainable.

It makes no sense to invest so heavily in anyone with whom you can't share real life experiences and learn who someone REALLY is, as opposed to the online facade they may present.

Forming a dependency on another's online presence to the degree that any focus on REAL people and life events will cause dis-illusion-ment is not healthy--or accurate. 

Chalk this off as a lesson learned, and use dating apps to meet local people for coffee to check one another out. Most of these quick meets will result in learning that you do NOT match well, and that's the point--to screen OUT bad matches until you stumble upon a good match like finding a needle in a haystack.

Most people are NOT out match. Keep things impersonal until you strike simpatico. Then keep dating that person--IN PERSON--to learn over time whether you are a good fit.

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4 hours ago, Ashuk said:

We met online

So you never met in person? You didn't "break her".

That's a nonsense excuse she used to end an impossible long distance situation.

She most likely met a real life real person locally, as you should.

Stop exposing your children to videochat with people you don't know.

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There’s a reason cyber relationships can go on for a long time. Because it’s all fantasy. If you think about it, being in a cyber relationship is safe, fun and easy. You get to build up this perfect version of whom you’re talking too. The problem hits when reality comes slithering in. 
 

I don’t blame you OP for being in this fantasy. It’s safer and more pleasant. Unfortunately the woman showed you the harsh reality we overlook when we shut off everything else in a cyber relationship.  That you don’t really know the person on the other side of the screen.

 

I think it’s best if you move on from her. You need to date those who you can meet in real life. It’s a better option then cyber. In real life you can weed out people faster and find someone whom encompasses everything you have wanted. The best part to that is it will be real.

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7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

So you never met in person? You didn't "break her".

That's a nonsense excuse she used to end an impossible long distance situation.

She most likely met a real life real person locally, as you should.

Stop exposing your children to videochat with people you don't know.

^ This entire post is worth repeating.  Learn from this and especially the part about exposing your children to videochat with people you've never even met in real life.

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