Angry close friend - help

[Creamybutter]

I really need some advice about a close friend of mine.

We've been talking everyday for almost 2 years now. We are very close and usually well connected.

Recently I was going through something during the covid phase and ended up ranting too much about my issues (I lost my job and was isolated). He never said anything.... Later i had to confront him about a mistake he had made (we both were working on a project together) and he just blew up with rage. He just went on and on with fuming rage. It was so difficult to talk to him. He got aggressive, defensive everything. Said I treated him like an emotional punchin bag and what not. Honestly, i was shocked and I apologised. But he took it like a personal attack and kept trying to say hurtful things (trying to "get back" at whatever i said)

Finally after some time we went back to talking normally but every other day he would start snapping at me and then he'd go silent/passive aggressive. I'd be really hurt because not only was i spoken to rudely for something small or usually a misunderstanding - he would not apologize either.

He did that one more time when i said something that was actually not meant seriously - he got offended and yelled and then just vanished.

I left him alone for 2 weeks or so but even after that he seemed like he was angry. We spoke about things, and he just blamed me for his anger....i kept silent coz i just wanted to hear him out and not cause another argument. He also indirectly admitted he has anger issues (brought up similar issues with his other close friend) and was keeping away from me as he wanted to cool down.

Even after that chat, he is not really talking to me properly and its been over a month since all this happened. Honestly im just very hurt and angry myself now. I dont think I committed such a big crime to be treated this way and every-time I have to reach out to him and ask him.... otherwise he is just silent. 

Advice?

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Creamybutter said:

we both were working on a project together

Is he a coworker or former coworker or business associate?  Is it necessary to collaborate on this project?

Was there ever a romantic situation? Do you see each other in person or is contact primarily through talk, text or video?

 Let it die down. Let him cool off. Pull way back and focus on other people and projects.

[Creamybutter]

we work on a business project together. Contact is primarily online, calls.

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Creamybutter said:

we work on a business project together. Contact is primarily online, calls.

Ok, keep it strictly business. No personal chitchat. No emotions, rants, arguments, etc. If he gets ugly, wrap up and terminate the conversation. Stop asking him what's wrong or acting like it's a relationship. Be cool calm collected and keep emotions out of it.

[Seraphim]

Just talk about work . Period. This is not a friend or someone to be close to . Don’t talk to him unless there is work to discuss. 

[Creamybutter]

no, but we started off as friends and decided to work on this together.

[Seraphim]

17 minutes ago, Creamybutter said:

no, but we started off as friends and decided to work on this together.

Well, I wouldn’t count him as a friend now. Stick to work only and nothing else. 

[Batya33]

How much longer do you have to work with him?  Can you finish the project without him?

[Rose Mosse]

I'm sorry to hear this. You both aren't getting along so keep it business only. Don't continue to ask him how he's feeling or doing. It seems cloying, a little uncertain, a little desperate. If he wants to talk with you he'll come to you. Stay busy and keep working on the project. 

If you have anxiety, take a deep breath. Try soothing yourself and take up good habits. Don't look to him to soothe you.

Are you looking for employment? Also turn energy to that.

There may also be a possibility that he's no longer interested in completing the project with you or isn't invested in it. 

[Andrina]

Not all friendships are meant to last forever. The friendship no longer works for either of you. Wrap up the business deal if possible and invest time in friendships that are satisfying.

[melancholy123]

It feels to me like the problem is his and he is taking it out on you.  It doesn't seem like his anger is because of you but b because of something else that is bothering him.

I'd keep contact to a minimum with this guy.  Talk only when necessary.  

[Kwothe28]

There is a nice alegory for breaking up, either a relationship or friendship, and getting back together. Its like you throwing a feather pillow through window. You will maybe put the pillow together but it will never be the same as some feathers would inadvertently be missing. That is how it is in your case. Some relationships ecan never be the same again. 

So, if you need to work together, then work together. But anything else outside, dont count on him if he proved to be like that. In time he maybe cools off. But again, dont think it can be the same.

[Cherylyn]

Enforce healthy boundaries for yourself.  Remain professional, well mannered yet brief and maintain a cool, frosty, safe distance. 

Since you work with him, the next time you need to confront him (for example, his mistake), be prepared for his temper tantrum but know this is what you'll tolerate as part of earning your paycheck.  Let him rant until he eventually runs out of gas.  In the meantime, wait until he calms down and resumes acting like a decent human being again.  You'll have to walk on eggshells in order to work together. 

Remain all business with him.  Don't get personal and don't consider him a friend.  Don't get chummy and don't confide in him anymore.  Know the difference. 

Hopefully, you won't have to continue working together much longer and if you do, alter yourself because he won't change for you.