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Should I quit now?


Paulsymm
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So, finally settled down in dating a beautiful looking woman, I'm now over the looks and I'm confident she likes me.

6 weeks in, I really like her and she says she really likes me.

So far shes come across as my kind of woman. However, saturday night she stayed over. Sunday morning she instigated a conversation and i though straight away that i didnt like it. She asked me if I've ever had a threesome. No i havent and i know i never would. I look at sex as between two people. Then came the thunderbolt that i was dreading. I asked her, obviously the answer was she had. 

I felt a bit sick at the time, so this is my plan...I'm going to hang on as I know this feeling will pass. But I just dont want to get involved in anything like that. 

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Further the conversation. Find out if it was just an experiential one time thing out of curiosity, or a type of lifestyle she's into. Better to find out now rather that be too invested and having more hurt having to stop seeing her. I say this because you have a strong stance against it. You are not going to "get over this" anytime soon or you wouldn't be here.

Edited by smackie9
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Ask her if she prefers threesomes in a relationship. Keep the conversation open ended and go from there. Stating that you're not interested in that or that the thought makes you feel sick is a statement and closed. It won't open up the conversation. 

If she tells you she would prefer a relationship that is open to threesomes, you'll know she's not the person for you. If she tells you that it's not a priority and something she can live without you'll have to decide whether you still want to date her. Good luck.

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Well that's absolutely fine if you don't want to have a threesome. Of course it's not for everyone. I think regarding a threesome though, it's not necessarily good or bad in and of itself, but it's just a personal choice. Some people are into it (both male and female) but some don't feel comfortable with it.

I don't think it automatically makes her bad person just because she had a threesome. It depends though whether it is a thing she regularly did and wants to do, because you don't want that. Also if she's bisexual then I guess it's good for her to be open with you about her sexuality because partners should be honest with each other. 

I think two people with different sexual pasts could work out if they really like each other and accept and respect each other's choices. So, she would need to respect that you are not interested in threesomes and not suggest it. And I guess you'd have to accept her sexual history. I mean, she can't change what she's done in the past. So if you want to be with her you'd either have to accept it or decide you are too incompatible and end it.

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I must have missed the part where she said.  "Next time I sleep over I am bringing a friend"

 She asked a question and so did you.  I agree you need to talk about expectations in this budding relationship like what she is looking for?  Monogamy?  Casual?  Long term? and of course you expressing what you want.  6 weeks in and some of this should have come up already but maybe not.

  Don't let your imagination turn a "threesome" you know nothing about into some horrible thing about her that you have to live with just to be with her. 

What is most important is that you know who she is now and what her ideas on all the things above and more.

Let the shock of her answer settle before you talk.

Lost

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In all my relationships, most lasting several years, I've never been asked if I've had a threesome. If someone asked me that after 6 weeks of dating it would make me wonder why she needed to ask and how well our values are aligned. I'd find out and decide from there whether I wanted to remain in the relationship. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 11/1/2021 at 7:25 AM, Paulsymm said:

Then came the thunderbolt that i was dreading. I asked her, obviously the answer was she had.

I think it would behoove you to not ask questions when you don't actually want to know the answer.

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Just because she has had a threesome doesn't mean she wants one again in the future. Tell her that. I've known a couple people who have told me/others that they have had a threesome, guess what, these women are married now, monogamous, and one has a baby. People's sexuality does not stay static.

I echo what waffle has said: next time, don't ask questions if you don't want to know the answer. Such questions: Have you had a threesome? Am I best/biggest lover you'd had? 

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11 minutes ago, waffle said:

Especially that last one.  Women hate being put in the position where they have to lie.

Oh don't forget too - "Have you ever faked an orgasm?"

The "correct" answer is "Absolutely not, darling."

By God, I do love men but it seems like most of them are inflicted with crippling insecurity regarding their penises and sexual abilities and are quite fragile on the subject. 

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31 minutes ago, Fudgie said:

Oh don't forget too - "Have you ever faked an orgasm?"

The "correct" answer is "Absolutely not, darling."

By God, I do love men but it seems like most of them are inflicted with crippling insecurity regarding their penises and sexual abilities and are quite fragile on the subject. 

The old school rap song -woman rapping "so he asked me if I was his first and I said why do you guys always ask me that???"

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