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For what reasons would women reject a guy after the second date?


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1 minute ago, Carnatic said:

That works for you and that's fine, but like you say, you don't speak for all women. I am sure it's a bit of a stereotype as well, that there's some kind of good judge of character gene on that extra X chromosome.

Taken literally, if it were true then no woman would ever have been in a relationship with an abuser or anyone who was simply a jerk and we know that's not the case.

I'm not saying you shouldn't do what works for you, but out of curiosity, how do you know if your instincts are always right? I'd assume a fair proportion of guys after the first date and you feel that something is off, you never see or hear from again. Or do you hear stories about him later that confirm your suspicions? Not that you should do something you feel uncomfortable with because someone on the internet questions how you come to your conclusions, I'm just interested in what people do differently to me.

How do I know my intuition and gut instincts are always right?  Experience.  Whenever I didn't care to listen to that little inner voice inside my head, outcomes were a failure.  Whenever I neglected to take heed of my initial better judgment,  consequences were harsh and I lived to sorely regret it.  I've wasted my precious time and energy on a lot of people in my past when I could've exited the relationship quicker saving myself a lot of unnecessary grief.  I never need to hear second hand information from others or stories in order to make my final decisions.  (Very rare exceptions were perceptive wise counsel from my mother or sister and their opinions.)  In my brain, I listen to my own common sense which is a relief especially when I'm grateful that I didn't go against it. 

I pay attention to a lot in a man or any person.  How does he treat others?  Is he respectful?  Is he pretentious?  Is he fake and phony while just trying to be nice?  How does he speak?  Is he impatient?  Does he chronically interrupt?  Does he talk too much?  Is he too silent?  Is foul language part of his  habitual vocabulary?  Does he try too hard to be charming?  Is he moody and temperamental?  Is he selfish meaning if the world and conversations don't revolve around him, does he become easily disinterested, distracted and irritable?  What does he say about others behind their backs?  Is it unsavory?  Is he overzealous regarding being nice?  Is he trying to be nice just because he only wants something?  Or, is he selfless by nature?  Do I sense he's acting unnaturally?  Is he a cheap tipper?  I disrespect those who dine out and insult the waiter or waitress by leaving a pittance.  Is my date hyperactive?  Does he drive like a maniac?  Is he cautious or inconsiderate?  Does he have gross habits?  (Example:  Speaking while chewing food with errant spit and I can see mushed up, chewed up food in his mouth! 😡) Is he gracious or rude?  Does he have an intelligent sense of humor without excess?  Is he modest?  Is he pompous, boastful and full of himself or is he sincerely humble?  There's a whole laundry list of qualifications or disqualifications.   I size people up quickly and my general impressions in a short time, tells me a lot.  I pay attention to details and everything. 

I've worked full time for a very long time.  My numerous colleagues both past and present are a representation of society.  My parents socialized a lot during my childhood, at home, other people's homes or in public.  I know what society is especially how men are because I've observed them all my life.  Many of them (granted, not all) are typical and dime-a-dozen.  When it comes to high quality men or people, I'm always looking for the gem which is like finding a needle in a haystack.   To me, finding my husband was like winning the lottery.  It's not just choosing the right one.  It's good fortune and luck.   It's about being at the right place at the right time to find the right one.  I count my daily blessings indeed. 

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My instincts were spot on with respect to negativity- meaning I’d meet a man who was polite and mannerly and articulate and smart.. And I’d sense the negative vibes and energy. I believe I was adept at this because my dad had a mental illness and was often negative. 
Otherwise I definitely made mistakes. I let at least one good guy go - one time I think I simply wasn’t ready to meet someone like him. And when I was a couple of years later he was taken. I stayed too long with a number of men.  

Not bad people just not right for me.  One wasn’t “bad “ but I never knew - and for years he was in denial - that he was struggling with his sexuality. No intuition about that but instinctively I knew something was too distant and unavailable about him. I think he held me emotionally at arms length because of his struggles.
 I didn’t know he was gay until he told me about ten years after I declined his marriage proposal and ended the relationship.  I’m thrilled he ended up following his own sense of self and intuition.  He’s been happily partnered and married for over 20 years.  

I do think this longer term relationship discussion is related to what happens in early dating. I think it depends on the person’s particular goals in dating, their relationship and dating history, and how they met the person. A person who wants marriage or long term likely will focus more closely on intuition and instinct than someone who isn’t sure what she wants or is looking for a casual dating arrangement. 

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2 hours ago, Carnatic said:

how do you know if your instincts are always right?

Exactly. Unless you conduct a study after every rejection, you can't really claim that you have good instincts. And if you do conduct a post-rejection study, then you're not really dating, are you?

All you can really say is that you know what you like, you know what you don't like, and you know you didn't want to date that guy (or girl). And you probably feel a lot better about not having to see him/her again. 

And that's really it in a nutshell. It doesn't matter when it happens. For me, sometimes it happened instantaneously. Sometimes it took a couple months. Sometimes it was a visceral reaction. Sometimes it was a reasoned decision. Sometimes it wasn't my decision at all--he dumped me! 

All that matters is, she's not into you.

NEXT.

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1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

Exactly. Unless you conduct a study after every rejection, you can't really claim that you have good instincts. And if you do conduct a post-rejection study, then you're not really dating, are you?

All you can really say is that you know what you like, you know what you don't like, and you know you didn't want to date that guy (or girl). And you probably feel a lot better about not having to see him/her again. 

And that's really it in a nutshell. It doesn't matter when it happens. For me, sometimes it happened instantaneously. Sometimes it took a couple months. Sometimes it was a visceral reaction. Sometimes it was a reasoned decision. Sometimes it wasn't my decision at all--he dumped me! 

All that matters is, she's not into you.

NEXT.

Gut instincts, intuition, experience ~ all of it determines my impression of a man or a person regardless of gender.  It helps to be very perceptive from the very beginning because it wastes less time and energy. 

Experience can be both a good and bad thing.  The good is naivete is no more.  The bad is experiencing a lot of negativity and pain prior to arriving at discernment later in life. 

It really doesn't matter why two people aren't compatible during the early dating phase.  Rejection is a flat out "NO."  Therefore, it's a universal answer with no translation required. 

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My gut instincts and intuition were never wrong my entire life.  They were only wrong whenever I deliberately ignored any odd, strange,weird,  abnormal, unusual, alarming behaviors or what I thought were innocuous red flags.  Then when I began paying closer attention and listening to my initial instincts, those instincts of mine saved me countless trouble.  Instincts are a safety net and made to protect a person for a reason. 

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