I’m In Love With My Best Friend

[ap1010]

I’m in love with my best friend.

2 years ago, we had the greatest summer of our lives. we tried to date but it ended up not working out because i was just young and irresponsible. we had a sad fall out but we’re friendly i guess. she went on and got a new boyfriend who she dated for 14 months.

In august she broke up with her boyfriend. We started talking again and our old friendship made it easy for us to get close again. We started having feelings again, but this time i knew i was ready. We went through the talking stage for a month or so because she was still hurt from her breakup and obviously needed time. Eventually she told me she liked me but she was still hurt and couldnt be her best self for me if she was still broken. It’s about 3 weeks later now and we still talk as friends.

I respected her decision of course, we’re friends before anything. But i’m really starting to feel in love with her. i don’t look at her for lust or something stupid. i see her for who she is, and she and I have the same dreams in life. She’s the one i want to be with. I just don’t want to say anything too soon. It wouldn’t be fair to her. But i can’t keep these feelings bottled up inside it’s emotionally draining. I want to just tell her to get it over with but I know it goes 1 of 2 ways. I can’t sleep at night thinking about her and it hurts knowing this and feeling like i’m lying.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ap1010 said:

We went through the talking stage for a month or so because she was still hurt from her breakup and obviously needed time. Eventually she told me she liked me but she was still hurt and couldnt be her best self for me if she was still broken.

Well she did contact you so she was thinking of you. Was it rebound? Who knows? But your instincts are correct to let het make the first move romance wise.

Her friends are probably telling her to take her time. If things don't clear up after a while, you'll have to step back and reconsider if this is the friendzone.

[ap1010]

47 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Well she did contact you so she was thinking of you. Was it rebound? Who knows? But your instincts are correct to let het make the first move romance wise.

Her friends are probably telling her to take her time. If things don't clear up after a while, you'll have to step back and reconsider if this is the friendzone.

I honestly don’t think it was a rebound. I know she’s pretty much over it and she wanted to be over it. I think if it was just a rebound she would’ve left it at not talking anymore instead of being friends. I’m thinking of confessing full on soon and just getting it over with. At this point it’s hanging over me more that i haven’t said anything than her answer.

[SooSad33]

You can't rush anyone into 'being over it'.  She's admitted she is not ready to date again.

So, maybe the best thing for you to do is admit you can't do this at this time with her (be just friends) and need some time on your own. As you see how it is affecting you. ( sadly, it sounds like you're losing it internally. It is stressing you out).

 

[Rose Mosse]

11 hours ago, ap1010 said:

Eventually she told me she liked me but she was still hurt and couldnt be her best self for me if she was still broken.

This implies she knows how you feel about her. It wouldn't be a conversation otherwise. Someone sharing her emotions to this extent suggests that she knows you also feel the same way about her. It's unnecessary for you to confess anything and a lot of added pressure when there doesn't need to be.

Let her come to you when she's ready. If you can't deal with that, then limit your time spent talking or meeting with her. I hope you are not neglecting your other friendships or goals, things you need to do. 

 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, ap1010 said:

. I’m thinking of confessing full on soon and just getting it over with. 

Well unfortunately that can backfire. Just pull back if you think you're in the friendzone.

[smackie9]

Confessing is a stupid move. That puts a lot of pressure on her especially when she's still trying to emotionally get over her last relationship. Back off. If you get intense, it's going to scare her away because she won't be able to handle it. Dude she's emotionally unavailable. Let her be for now, be a little aloof, cool, laid back....let her breath.

[Cherylyn]

Give her tons of time and space.  I agree with smackie9.  Back off. 

If she wants a friend, then be a good friend.  Give her what she wants if you love her.  Be selfless.  If you're selfish and tell her what you want such as being more than friends, you will scare her away.  Be a great friend for however long it takes.  Build trust.  Then when she's ready, she will let you know if she wants more than friendship from you.  Be patient.  Haste makes waste. 

[Andrina]

Of course everyone is different in the time it takes to stop thinking of an ex daily and mourning that loss. I'd assume she needs at least 4 to 6 months to go through this process.

That's not really long in the scheme of things. So in the meantime, get on with the life you've been living before re-establishing the friendship with her. Don't overdo it with the daily communication or get togethers. Don't say things you'd say to a partner because you're not in a romance with her. 

Don't assume anything. Maybe you'll eventually date again and maybe you won't. Only time will tell.

On the other hand, if she doesn't express interest in dating you after 6 months, I wouldn't put yourself on ice for someone who might like the ego boost that you like her, but is really not that into you.

If this doesn't eventually move into romance, you should realize that friendships like this have to end. It won't be fair to your future partner that you communicate and hang out with someone you wanted as a gf. And pouring your emotional time and energy into a friend you have a crush on, and she doesn't feel the same will prevent you from bonding with a woman who'd be happy to date you if you weren't so busy pining away for another.

[Spawn]

you need to move on and date others, looks like you are not over her from a long long time now. And this breakup of her relationship has got you all the hopes of rekindling the old romance back. But in reality it's never the same when you go back.

She will not see you in that light again and will always think that you are looking out for an opportunity to get back, things can go awkward pretty quick, you and her might end up hurting each other again.

the one on only way that looks possible is in the future, when both of you meet at a time when none of you are not looking to be in a relationship and busy with your stuff, things need to progress naturally.

You are too accessible for her now and know a lot about what's happening in her life.

Break away, let your fate decide that, work on yourself personally and professionally. Sometimes working hard in your life can bring along some lovely people in your life.

 

Edited October 27, 2021 by Spawn