Due to snoring we dont sleep together

[Simpletlks]

Husband doesn't care we don't sleep togeather due to his snoring.it has been 
2.5 years since i married him. He doesn't show effort or care to fix it much he tired some snore strips but they didnt work. But he hasnt tried anything else. He is waited he said to go to profeessionals aboard because it cheaper. But due to covid we havent and since then we havents slept togeather. Its starting to bother me his lack of effort. 

[Wiseman2]

53 minutes ago, Simpletlks said:

Husband doesn't care we don't sleep togeather due to his snoring.it has been 
2.5 years since i married him. He is waited he said to go to profeessionals aboard because it cheaper. 

Ok. That's fine. Separate bedrooms is an excellent solution to sleep differences or sleep disorders that disturb each other.

All he needs to do is get to a physician MD in your country for an evaluation of his physical and mental health.

What type of crazy remark is "professionals abroad because it's cheaper"? No health insurance?

Is he a heavy drinker or obese or smoker or have untreated allergies?

Keep your home free from allergens. Put a HEPA filter in the room he'll be sleeping in. 

Forget sleeping in the same room. It seems more like there's a lack of intimacy. That has nothing to do with snoring. You can have tons of sex, romance and affection without subjecting yourself to sleepless nights due to snoring.

Stop nagging about the snoring. He's obviously avoiding medical care for whatever reason. Focus on fixing up a second room for yourself to sleep in peace.

[Batya33]

My husband snores and doesn't want to do a sleep study/get a machine etc.  I can't do earplugs (yes I tried -I'm not a great sleeper to begin with). 

For many years - since our son was a toddler (he's 12), we sleep separately and still have a sex life.  We also have extremely different sleep schedules - basically a 2-3 hours difference.  So my husband is happier this way too because he'd hate to wake me when he comes in late in the night -he's a night owl and works very hard after our son goes to sleep and that time is really important to him.  When we share sleeping space on holiday I lose sleep for part of the time at least.  I

am very very bad at sleep deprivation.  When my son was a baby/toddler I often ended up on the couch middle of the night.  So disruptive and my being about to lose it from exhaustion of being a new mom and the snoring was what was much much worse for our marriage than sleeping separately. Yes I wish he'd do something about it.  But even then with my being a light sleeper and getting up at 6am if he came in at 1am I'd lose a lot of sleep anyway.  And he'd feel stressed.  I know of couples who sleep apart for these sorts of reasons.  It's not ideal.  For us the alternative is far worse.  

I'm sorry you're frustrated!

[Rose Mosse]

5 hours ago, Simpletlks said:

Husband doesn't care we don't sleep togeather due to his snoring.it has been 
2.5 years since i married him. He doesn't show effort or care to fix it much he tired some snore strips but they didnt work. But he hasnt tried anything else. He is waited he said to go to profeessionals aboard because it cheaper. But due to covid we havent and since then we havents slept togeather. Its starting to bother me his lack of effort. 

Are there any other issues or disagreements in the marriage? Sleeping separately is more common than people might like to believe and no reflection of the bond shared in a marriage or relationship. If you are feeling like he has checked out or lost interest in the marriage, it's usually from accumulated resentment and trying to avoid another confrontation.

[Seraphim]

My husband snores some nights more than others. He doesn’t smoke or drink and he is very mildly overweight. He has allergies and has since he was a child. He takes medication for it but doesn’t want a sleep study. If I am sick I will snore because of course I am clogged up. We have a very deep emotional intimacy so this doesn’t bother me too much unless it is very loud which it sometimes is. But I find very often the trick is to be asleep before him. That way if I’m already asleep I don’t hear him. So when I’m working I’m in bed and asleep before he is. 
 

My in-laws  slept  apart the last 25 years of their marriage. My father-in-law used to kick in his sleep while dreaming and after his Parkinson’s got really bad the shaking drove my mother -in -law crazy. 

[reinventmyself]

I use earplugs.  The ones that work best for me are made of silicone.  It's similar to molding wax into your ears.

My boyfriend doesn't really snore, rarely, but mostly breathes loud.  I am such a light sleeper.  But while married my ex snored like a freight train, which made me run from the room nightly.  He was pretty punishing about it and for some reason he was perfectly fine with the idea that his wife would lay awake all night and chase toddlers the next day while at the same time being sleep deprived.   I wish it occurred to me to use ear plugs then.  

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

We have a very deep emotional intimacy so this doesn’t bother me too much unless it is very loud which it sometimes is. But I find very often the trick is to be asleep before him. That way if I’m already asleep I don’t hear him. So when I’m working I’m in bed and asleep before he is. 

For me the deep emotional intimacy didn't affect my ability to sleep in that condition.  I also tried the asleep first thing.  Didn't work for me unfortunately!  I try that on vacation, too.  Works sometimes.

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

For me the deep emotional intimacy didn't affect my ability to sleep in that condition.  I also tried the asleep first thing.  Didn't work for me unfortunately!  I try that on vacation, too.  Works sometimes.

I am just saying it will make me ignore a lot of things that can be annoying. Some nights if it is REALLY bad I will poke him to make him roll over . But a deep emotional closeness for me makes me ignore things that would drive me senseless if done by someone else. 

[Batya33]

Just now, Seraphim said:

I am just saying it will make me ignore a lot of things that can be annoying. Some nights if it is REALLY bad I will poke him to make him roll over . But a deep emotional closeness for me makes me ignore things that would drive me senseless if done by someone else. 

I do that all the time when awake but since I am not a good sleeper the emotional intimacy doesn't help at all since it's not just annoying -I physically cannot sleep/get to sleep/stay asleep depending on the snoring.  It's a physical response in my case and my reactions to things that are annoying when I am awake are a whole different situation since it's annoying, not causing a physical reaction when I am trying to sleep.  I also can overlook annoying things that cause a physical reaction when I'm awake like his sudden loud sneezes or tuneless whistling that I find annoying.  But not my need to sleep - for me personally it has zero connection.  I'm glad it works for you!

[melancholy123]

Mt husband used to sound like a chain saw when he snored.  I used ear plugs for many years.  Then I asked our chiropractor about this and he said send him in!  Well he adjusted his sinus area and he. now doesn't snore.  It's been years since he tuned up that old chainsaw in the middle of the night!  I highly recommend a good chiropractor!

[MrWallFlower]

9 hours ago, Simpletlks said:

Husband doesn't care we don't sleep togeather due to his snoring.it has been 
2.5 years since i married him. He doesn't show effort or care to fix it much he tired some snore strips but they didnt work. But he hasnt tried anything else. He is waited he said to go to profeessionals aboard because it cheaper. But due to covid we havent and since then we havents slept togeather. Its starting to bother me his lack of effort. 

Yeah…he hasn’t tried anything else but really he might need to use a PAP machine—they can be noisy too but at least it addresses his health.  I’m curious if you have considered using ear plus at night.  If not, it sounds like there is a lack of effort on both parts.

[Batya33]

One other reason I avoided earplugs or taking sleep meds was because I needed to be able to hear my son at night. 

[boltnrun]

I can't sleep with ear plugs. All I can feel is the ear plugs in my ears. I can't sleep with a sleep mask on either. 

My ex husband snored but only when he was sleeping on his back. If he did I poked him and told him to roll over. He always did. 

I do understand though. One of the things I love most about being part of a couple is sleeping in the same bed even though I don't really like to cuddle.

Have you tried running a fan to help drown out the snoring? Or perhaps download a white noise or calming app to play on your phone?

[Andrina]

Whether or not you both go to sleep at the same time, it would probably make you feel more bonded if you spend a brief amount of time laying together in bed to chat and caress each other or hug. Maybe that's what you're missing. And then you can go to the other bedroom.

I wear earplugs called Hearos that work well. If the noise is still outrageous, I ask him to go sleep in the extra room. The nose strips don't work on him. He would never use a CPAP. It helps now that we are on the same sleep schedule which wasn't the case for many years, so I don't usually hear him snore when we fall asleep at the same time.

[Cherylyn]

Try a sleep study appointment and quiet CPAP machine for your husband.  Medical staff is masked, suited and very careful.  Your husband should be fine. 

[catfeeder]

Are there other issues in your marriage?

Are you affectionate and emotionally intimate and do you have a sex life outside of sleeping hours?

Have you considered joining him for cuddling until he's asleep before going off to your own bed?

It's one thing to put off addressing one's health issues, and it's another to stop caring about a partner and one's marriage.

Sure, the problems are semi-related, but for the sake of clarification, which is the problem here?

[smackie9]

On 10/21/2021 at 1:05 AM, Simpletlks said:

Husband doesn't care we don't sleep togeather due to his snoring.it has been 
2.5 years since i married him. He doesn't show effort or care to fix it much he tired some snore strips but they didnt work. But he hasnt tried anything else. He is waited he said to go to profeessionals aboard because it cheaper. But due to covid we havent and since then we havents slept togeather. Its starting to bother me his lack of effort. 

There is surgery that will take care of that.

Pillar procedure (palatal implant)

The pillar procedure, also called a palatal implant, is a minor surgery used to treat snoring and less severe cases of sleep apnea. It involves surgically implanting small polyester (plastic) rods into the soft upper palate of your mouth.

Each of these implants is about 18 millimeters long and 1.5 millimeters in diameter. As the tissue around these implants heals, the palate stiffens. This helps keep the tissue more rigid and less likely to vibrate and cause snoring.

My friend's husband had it done and with great results.