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I’ve been with my Ex for 5 years. We had a child together who is 8 months. The relationship has been rocky since last weeks of my pregnancy. Couple of days before I gave birth we got into a huge argument and I packed my things and left. Fast forward to the day I gave birth he was there. When we came home with the baby things started to get rough again, arguing, him abusing me mentally and emotionally. When my daughter was 5 months we got into a physical fight where he put his hands on me ( 1st time ) ACS got involved because me and baby had to go to hospital. I love my daughter’s father and I don’t ever think we’ll get back together. Idk how to heal and move on I keep replaying the situation in my head day in and day out. I’m heartbroken I even asked the court if we can do family therapy and he turned it down. He doesn’t want anything to do with me. 

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Focusing on your daughter and making the happiest life possible for her is your first step.

Moving on from an abusive relationship seems like it should be easy but many times it is not.  All the what ifs and whys make it hard to just give up and accept it was bad and needed to end.

The heart and the mind are always struggling for control.  Your mind knows logically that there was more bad than good and in the end abuse so it had to end but your heart only knows love and heartbreak so it clings to what it wants because it doesn't want the heartbreak.

You know you two are not good together and would make a home filled with fights and tension for your little girl so keep reminding yourself that being apart is what is best for her.  Being alone taking care of a baby is hard but doing it while walking on eggshells and constant fighting is even harder.

 Do you have family nearby?  Some sort of support system?

Lost

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2 hours ago, Heartbrokennnx3 said:

. When my daughter was 5 months we got into a physical fight where he put his hands on me ( 1st time ) ACS got involved because me and baby had to go to hospital.  I even asked the court if we can do family therapy 

Was he arrested? As you know, medical personnel are mandatory reporters for child abuse.

He's a criminal who assaulted you and your child. Was a restraining order issues against him to protect your child?

It's not up to you anymore. Even if you "love" this creep, the courts are protecting your child from him.

Where are you staying? Make sure you maintain strict no contact.

If you continue to engage in child abuse by allowing this, they'll take your child away.

Next time,if you continue with him,it may not be the hospital but the morgue.

Wake up and protect your child.

If you go b

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When you are suffering from PTSD from emotional and physical abuse, your brain is so fried...you need to join a therapy group...what he did was wrong, and you could have been the most well behaved or perfect, and he would have still tried to tear you down.  What he does isn't love...it's about control.  Be strong.  Lean on family and friends.

Keep your daughter safe.  Abusers escalate in increments from emotion to physical. From you to your children.  Don't go back.  Get help. Get therapy.

Edited by tattoobunnie
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@Wiseman2 he was arrested, the baby and I have an order of protection against him. The courts modified it so that he can ONLY see the baby supervised. At first it was at the ACS center now it’s supervised with his mom. I’m staying with family and do drop offs at the precinct with his mom. My daughter’s father and I DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT whatsoever. 

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Hang in there and keep posting.  We will help all we can.

  When you have time search this forum using some key words from your issue.  I have been around here a long time and I have seem this more times than I can count.  You just might find some nuggets of truth and help in older threads.

Keep posting

 Lost

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2 hours ago, Heartbrokennnx3 said:

@Wiseman2 he was arrested, the baby and I have an order of protection against him. The courts modified it so that he can ONLY see the baby supervised. At first it was at the ACS center now it’s supervised with his mom. I’m staying with family and do drop offs at the precinct with his mom. My daughter’s father and I DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT whatsoever. 

Excellent. Take care of yourself and your child.

Sorry this happened. Good you are with family and out of that situation.

 

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  • 3 months later...

dear heartbrokennnx3, i have no experience in this arena except to say, i wish i could sit beside you right now like a mom or female friend.  i would hold you (mom or sisterly-like) and listen to all your concerns, let you weep your tears and give you big hugs and lots of kleenex.  i would coo over your daughter, who is probably the biggest source of joy in your universe.  just thinking about that makes me smile 🙂  i was so lucky to participate in rearing a lovely girl.

once all your tears were cried out and all your concerns for your baby girl were out, and you were calm again, i would listen, support you, and maybe make some suggestions when you lay out your preferred plan to minimize the dangers and maximize her support, health, and well being back into the primary focus (not that you're not already doing that - we're strangers on the internet after all, lol).  I would use all my man energy to help you, haha.

she is the future.  he is the past.  kick him to the curb where he belongs and far away from her tiny vulnerable self.  she needs your big, fierce, powerful mamma persona to kick in, STAT

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