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It's time to actually make a journal and stick to it. Even if no one but me reads this, it's the cathartic properties of actually expressing my emotions that I aim for. 

Well, here we go.

 

Day one.

Today I had no real plans other than to do some gardening. After my morning routine of rolling out of bed, I got a call from my sister to ask if i could pick up my niece as she was unwell at school and my sister couldn't make it there to get her. I dropped her off at my mums house, had a chat with her and then headed home to get started on my front yard.

I moved into a rental about 6 months ago, and it was a mess. The previous renter left junk everywhere, the front garden is an overgrown mess. I have been making my way through every room in the house, cleaning walls, carpets, everything. Making progress, but the last thing I have to complete is the front garden. Thankfully, it didn't take long. Nothing some headphones, gloves and hedge trimmers can't fix. 

Lately I have been pondering what it would be like to just fly off of the radar. Sell most of my big belongings, sell my car, buy a van, and just travel from town to town picking up jobs and seeing the country. It's obviously not gonna happen, but it's something I can't seem to shake. I think I am overwhelmed with everything that is going on currently and I just wanna escape it all. However, I'm staying strong and trying to find my place in this world. 

I have been in a really healthy relationship for the past 6 months. We met through a mutual friend, neither of us expecting a relationship. As time passed we became closer and closer, learning more about each other and realising how compatible we are. We were housemates together for a while when I moved away for 6 months, which helped me determine and learn a lot about her. We adopted a cat together and recently decided to take the plunge and get a dog. We both live active lifestyles and play sports, love camping and fishing, don't really like the night life. She is the kindest, gentlest, wonderful person I have ever met. I am blessed to have her in my life. 

My mental health has been very up and down lately, but I have been working hard to get back to stability. It was recommended to me to ween off of my antidepressants as they have been making my mental health worse. Since I have been cutting down on them, I am actually more stable. I can feel happiness again and not just a constant white noise. I have so much motivation and actually get things done. Still waiting to be seen by a psychiatrist for ADHD medication, but I have dealt with that for my entire life so I will be okay. The depression and anxiety is still there, but I am dealing with it much better now that i can actually feel emotions again. 

 

I think I will finish this for today, can't think of anything else currently,  

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That really sucks about the previous tenant, but it sounds like you are making great progress! Go you!!
I too, often think about flying off the radar and travelling. How fun would it be? Is it something you and your partner would do together? You sound really happy with your partner, which is great. 
Look after yourself and your mental health, and make sure you're with someone that isnt contributing to your mental helath issues! 

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15 hours ago, MadMaddie said:

That really sucks about the previous tenant, but it sounds like you are making great progress! Go you!!
I too, often think about flying off the radar and travelling. How fun would it be? Is it something you and your partner would do together? You sound really happy with your partner, which is great. 
Look after yourself and your mental health, and make sure you're with someone that isnt contributing to your mental helath issues! 

Thank you for your response Maddie!

My partner and I have spoken about us travelling multiple times, and it is definitely something we are both interested in doing. As to whether it is something that is viable to do currently is whole other issue, but I am certain that it will happen in the future. 

 

Day two, 

Although my day has only just begun, I am unsure when I will have the time to write later, so there might be an update after this. 

I didn't sleep very well last night, probably in anticipation of helping my sister move house. It's just going to be us, possibly with some assistance of her ex partner who lives an hour away. My main goal for the day is to get the children's beds set up and made for them so that they have a place to sleep. I always feel that the most important thing in a new house is a comfortable and familiar place to rest. 

It's a beautiful day, which always makes a difference. Moving when it is raining is a nightmare. Been there, done that, don't want to do it ever again! 

Speaking of nightmares, I had the strangest dreams last night. I was runover by a car in one dream, and a plane crash happened in my grandmas old house in another dream. I seem to have a lot of dreams about plane crashes. Should google what that means haha. 

My poor partner has a cold currently. I wish there was more I could do to help her. She apologised for not doing anything yesterday, silly lass. I keep telling her she doesn't need to apologise and just needs to keep resting and relaxing until she is well again. We both apologise for everything, even things out of our control. It seems to be a trauma response, and thankfully we catch each other on it. I am so blessed to have her in my life.

Anyway, as stated above, i may post an update later if anything interesting or funny happens. Knowing me and my sister, there are sure to be some stories to share after our adventures today. 

Until next time. 

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Day 3

Today has been wonderful. The weather has been fantastic, which always helps ones mood. 

My partner and I just got back from the cricket nets. We splurged on a new bat each, and new whites. My batting is getting much better, although I think the bat might have helped with that a bit. The greeting from our cat when we get home always makes me smile. The little guy sits in the window sill and meows until we open the front door and then he meets us with a big meow, lots of purrs and rubs against our legs. 

Speaking of the cat, I might reminisce on how we got a cat child. My partner and I were living in a tiny country town, and we would have to travel to get to work everyday. We would pass an animal shelter on the way. Life at home felt like something was missing for both of us, as we have both had pets around us all of our lives. One day we decided to go look at adopting an adult kitty to join our family. When we arrived, there was this little ginger cat and his sister running amok, trying to break into the food storage at the shelter. We weren't looking for a kitten as we are well aware that they are the first to find homes, and we wanted to give a home to an older cat who might be overlooked. There weren't many adult cats, and those that were there didn't seem to like us very much at all. We were about to leave when I saw the ginger kitten again and asked if we could just play with them. The lady said of course and this little ginger boy waltzes over, jumps onto my partners lap, purring and giving loves, then jumps onto my lap and gives me the biggest smooches. At that moment we knew we had been chosen and had to take him home. He is the best little guy, we harness trained him so we can take him on walks and he loves car rides. He appears to be more dog than cat. 

I don't really have much more to say about my day. I'm quite content and often find it hard to sit still and write when i'm like this. So I will sign off for today. 

I hope everyone had a good day too. 

Until next time.  

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