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Just feeling sad, kinda ranty


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I have posted on here before about a breakup and the woes of that. Within 5months, I lost both my grandparents, and my "bf" broke up with me. So one can say this year hasn't been the BEST year. I was doing therapy for a few months after my grandpa (may 9th, which was mother's day)  died, and my "bf" broke up me (early June). My grandma died Saturday and she was my birthday buddy since our birthdays were close together. I personally think she was bored without my grandpa, because they were always together for the last 70yrs of their lives. 

Anyways, I tried therapy, and even went on antidepressants. While people said they thought therapy was helping me I was 50/50 on it but I did give it 3months. Antidepressants I don't think helped at all. However, maybe I was thinking there what is the word, "use"? there ability to fix more than what got "fixed" in theory? So I stopped taking them.

I had a lot of motivation early on after the breakup to "get out there" and try things, but that quickly reverted back to being me. I feel exhausted ALL the time. However, still have to go to work 40-50hrs a week, take care of things etc. I am naturally just a homebody, occasionally going out is fine, but I like being home and relaxing etc. However, that doesn't create an environment of finding more friends and or a future person to spend my life with.

I honestly, am just tired of being me. Like at points I feel so broken, and tired of going through the motions. Tired of feeling feelings and just find myself getting upset over things I shouldn't be upset at because it no longer pertains to me. I talk to a few of my friends about how I feel and they say to let myself feel how I feel. That I am not crazy, the past months have been a lot. I am allowed to feel things, but I just don't want to anymore.

I just don't know how to save myself from what feels like drowning. As some people have said I don't have room to complain; things could always of been worse in different aspects. I just feel alone, and I know I am not technically alone, but I feel that way. I just am tired.

Thanks to anyone who reads things, and any comments I may get.

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Yeah that's him.

I don't think I gave up easily. I think I gave it a solid try in terms of a therapist, but maybe not so much for the anti depressants. I just don't like the idea of taking them and not feeling like I was benefitting for taking them (or as much as I thought I would and or should be benefitting from).

But thank you for your reply.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Here is a thing easy for me to point out from the outside and not so easy to do, but I’m still going to flag it because I think changing this could yield a tremendous improvement. Can you work towards reducing the hours you work per week? If you sink all your energy into working there’ll be nothing left over to tend to the other areas of your life and the result is what you’re feeling now I think. 

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