Boyfriend doesn’t want to change

[Aileen]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years.. the problem here is that i always have to be checking up on him whay he does. Last time i saw he was texting his friend and his friend told him to take a picture of a girls  ass because he was at college. and well they were texting each other about girls and how thick they were. That made me uncomfortable but i didn’t know if he took a picture of the girls ass but i confronted him about it and he said he didn’t. he goes to college so every time he goes he always texts his friend and that friend is kind of a ***boy and kind of a man ***. I then went to check his snapchat again to see if he has taken a picture and he did. I don’t know if i should confront him about it but he lied and said that he never took a picture. Whenever i’m with him i always catch him looking at girls and i’m also the type of girl that doesn’t feel comfortable when he watches porn so i don’t like that because it makes me feel like i’m not enough if we always *** all the time. I don’t know what should i do because i’m always checking up on him. Sometimes he looks up anime girls in safari. Or watches youtube videos of girls. he tells me he doesn’t have privacy but he always does this kind of things. I always ask him if he loves me then why does he do all of that if i also give him *** literally even when i’m not feeling it. But yet he is with his friend taking pictures of girls at school saying that she has a fat ass.

[arjumand]

Dump him. Develop some self esteem so that you are not having sex when you don’t want to, especially just to hang on to someone not right for you. Relationships are supposed to be among equals, you are treating him like you are his mother. Stop dating people who don’t conform to your standards. Stop trying to control whoever you are dating — look for someone you are actually compatible with. This is an immature, toxic relationship that is dragging you down. 

[waffle]

He's a giggling little boy.

And people don't change.  What you see is what you get and it's Accept or Reject.  If you're good with his antics, fine, and if you're not then move along.  But don't ask people to change.

[Cherylyn]

Don't confront him because you already know he's a liar, deceives you and betrays your trust in him.  There is nothing to confront and if you do, he'll become defensive, gaslight you (deflect) and you're simply wasting your time and energy. 

He's immoral and dishonorable.  He lacks integrity.  He will never respect you.

It's time to dissolve and exit the relationship permanently. 

[lostandhurt]

People can and do change but they have to want to, your bf does not want to.

You may be hanging on since you have dated 4 years but it is obvious that you have grown and matured during that time and he has not.

 As it stands right now you are more his keeper or parent than a gf.  Checking up on him, trying to teach him how to be a good person and policing his activities.  That sounds like way more trouble than it is worth don't you think?

  Either learn to live with who he is or break up and try and meet a new guy that is more aligned with what you believe and expect in a relationship.

Lost

[smackie9]

He doesn't want to change but you sure can change BFs.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Aileen said:

  he looks up anime girls in safari. 

How do you know so much about his online activities? Are you snooping all day? 

How old is he? Sadly you seem quite insecure and controlling.

Ask your parents to take you to a physician and get an evaluation for your mental health and physical health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

You need to get a handle on your controlling insecure ways.

Get busy studying, getting good grades finding colleges, getting a part time job, getting involved in groups, clubs, sports and fitness.

You need a better purpose in life than freaking out about anime cartoons.

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Aileen said:

I don’t know what should i do

You need to find a new boyfriend. 

Your relationship sounds like it's on its last legs anyway. Time to move onward and upward. 

[tattoobunnie]

Apply to colleges and tell him you wonder if boys will take pics of your bum too.  Dump this disrespectful, lying, immature boy, and get with a real man.  Mature, considerate men don't act like this...nor do considerate young men or boys.

[gamon]

You're too picky and sensitive. Guys like looking at girls, and guys like talking about girls. We always have, we always will. Being in love doesn't change that.

I don't see an issue with anything he's doing except putting up with you overstepping boundaries on a regular basis. Don't monitor his texts and stay off his social media if you don't like what he's doing.

 

[melancholy123]

You need to dump his sorry ass and find a guy who is decent and not a liar.

[Coily]

While his actions are pretty immature and dishonest, the more troubling question is why are you policing his online activity? When that level of trust is breached the relationship is over. If your main motivation to spy and intrude is your insecurity, please address that for future relationships.

[Catlover44499]

He WILL NOT ever change. And as long as you stay around and let him blatantly disrespect you, he will. It's sad. But people like that don't have regard for you and won't change their behavior. 

As much as it sucks, I'd 100% recommend leaving this guy. Unless you want to be stuck in this loop indefinitely.

[reinventmyself]

There are plenty of mature young men out there that don't objectify young women and have values more inline with your own.

Stop trying to parent this one and try to turn him to someone who he is clearly not.  Besides, he will view you as his mother and ultimately neither one of you will find each other attractive.

This is a mismatch.  Throw this one back.

[Lambert]

Why are you with this guy?

Dump him. he's an embarrassment.

At some point the frat boy stuff gets old. It's not cool to objectify women. Don't tolerate bad behavior. You can't change who he is fundamentally. and his behavior is just that-- who he is. Raise your standards.