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Asked Ex For Reconciliation: Response Unclear


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Block him off on social media, email and never look back, close this chapter from your life. Put all your energies on rebuilding your life, nothing matters than loving yourself and moving on well in your life, sometimes the right people come along when you don't expect them.

Edited by Spawn
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He wants to keep you on the hook in case he either changes his mind or fails to find someone he likes better.

In fact he probably has no clue what he wants, but he's fairly certain it isn't you, and by sticking around acting like a doormat and putting him on a pedestal, you're making yourself appear extremely insecure and even desperate, which is such a turnoff that even if there was a possibility he'd change his mind, that would be very unlikely at this point.

 

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14 hours ago, shopaholic said:

Is it weird he wished me happy bday? All I said was thank you. 

Who cares what he thinks if you block him? He didn't care enough about you to stay and work on problems versus bailing. It's not petty. It's empowering and will make him lose his ability to intrude on your life.

Believe me, you don't want to begin feeling better and getting to a point of not thinking of him daily, when all of a sudden your phone pings because he's having a dry spell, or a girl just dumped him and he's feeling sorry for himself and reaches out to someone who he thinks is a fan. Don't let him use you like this. Don't let him stir up all those emotions in you that you'd worked so hard to move on from.

Also tell your friends that even if he reaches out to them and speaks about you, that you don't want to hear about it.

You can do this. Have faith in yourself. Take care.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thank you guys. I’ve been pretty decent the last 6 months about NC. Other than what I mentioned above. 
i sent him a short text thanking for the wishes and wishing him well. He just responded to me randomly weeks later also thanking me for good memories blah blah and mentioned the dog, AGAIN. I ignored. Nows he’s texting my closest friends again last week randomly saying hello. It’s annoying, even though I specifically asked him not to do this, but whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore. I have let go and I am ready to move forward. Thanks for your encouragement and thank you everyone. @Andrina @gamon

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14 hours ago, shopaholic said:

Thank you guys. I’ve been pretty decent the last 6 months about NC. Other than what I mentioned above. 
i sent him a short text thanking for the wishes and wishing him well. He just responded to me randomly weeks later also thanking me for good memories blah blah and mentioned the dog, AGAIN. I ignored. Nows he’s texting my closest friends again last week randomly saying hello. It’s annoying, even though I specifically asked him not to do this, but whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore. I have let go and I am ready to move forward. Thanks for your encouragement and thank you everyone. @Andrina @gamon

Stay strong and keep ignoring him. Also, you might want to talk to your besties and ask them to support your healing by not responding to him and keeping whatever contact of his to themselves. You can't stop him from being manipulative and downright inappropriate, but your friends can be your shield against him. 

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@DancingFoolI thought about reaching out and asking him to stop. But I shouldnt, right? I specifically told him to not do this because they are my closest friends of MANY years. I reminded him of this that it’s best he doesn’t contact them so we can both heal and move forward A MONTH AGO. He still did.  Idk why he’s obsessed with asking how they are doing. I think I shouldn’t react and let it be. Thoughts? 

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1 hour ago, shopaholic said:

@DancingFoolI specifically told him to not do ....

Stop telling him what to do. He doesn't have to take orders from you.

It's Your responsibility to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Leave him alone. You can't control him. You can't control who he's friends with.

What you can do is examine your victim role and address this with a therapist so you can make better choices when it comes to managing your life, actions and emotions.

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6 hours ago, shopaholic said:

@DancingFoolI thought about reaching out and asking him to stop. But I shouldnt, right? I specifically told him to not do this because they are my closest friends of MANY years. I reminded him of this that it’s best he doesn’t contact them so we can both heal and move forward A MONTH AGO. He still did.  Idk why he’s obsessed with asking how they are doing. I think I shouldn’t react and let it be. Thoughts? 

He’s just typing to them.  Many years ago I ran into an ex’s friend and I asked him if it was ok if we kept in touch.  She wanted to.  He asked me not to. I thought it was a reasonable request.  But no don’t demand this. Free country.

Ask your friends if they would support you in not interacting. I had a friend who used to plan game nights and invite my ex or tell me if I didn’t say whether I could go she’d invite him.  I found this disloyal and didn’t go. I’d introduced her to him.  

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On 11/1/2021 at 5:36 PM, Andrina said:

Also tell your friends that even if he reaches out to them and speaks about you, that you don't want to hear about it.

 

I told you to do this weeks ago and you didn't. Your closure will be far faster when you complete this task. If they haven't blocked him, that's their decision. But it's your decision that you don't want to hear about it when he contacts them, so tell all of them that today.

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I understand I can’t control him, I agree. However I was trying to set a boundary in an email I sent almost two months that he should honestly respect. I communicated if we were moving on, it’s best we stay out of each others lives including my closest friend of 25 years and her boyfriend. He never had a relationship or any discussions with my friends other than me being present. I would understand if he was actually friends with them outside of me. He is blocked on all social media for months now and I am doing the right things for myself. I just sometimes need someone to tell me “yes, do not ask him to stop.” I have told my friends also to no longer tell me, however she will if she feels it’s important and he has said something out of ordinary. I trust her and her bf and that it’s all surface level with him, just little confused by his intentions after I politely asked him to stop, but it doesn’t matter anymore.  I’m allowed to ask someone no longer in my life to stop communicating with my support system, but to y’all’s point, he is free to do his own will: just shows how selfish he is, again. I am by no means playing the victim role @Wiseman2, however I feel valid that when you’re trying to do eveyrhing to move on, it can be frustrating that your ex is constantly updating your friends on their living situation and nothing else. Because there is nothing else to talk about. 

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4 hours ago, shopaholic said:

. I just sometimes need someone to tell me “yes, do not ask him to stop.” 

That's true. You can't expect everyone to walk on eggshells because you haven't processed your feelings. 

It's your responsibility to stop ordering, censoring and telling everyone who they can or can't speak to.

You don't run the world. You only run your own life and feelings.

When you refuse to practice indifference and tell him what to do tell your friends what to do etc, you're alienating yourself further.

Set yourself free from micromanaging others. Learn to manage your feelings toward indifference so that it doesn't matter who your friends talk to or what your ex does.

Imagine the freedom of mind you would have if you could say to yourself "who cares?"

 

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5 hours ago, shopaholic said:

However I was trying to set a boundary in an email I sent almost two months that he should honestly respect.

Why? No, I am really asking why? In a perfect world where people would respect each other wishes, maybe. But we are living in an imperfect one. Its his decision if he wants to listen to your wishes or not. As is your friends decision if they want to keep contact with him.

You know what is your decision or at least should be? To block him and never talk about him again.

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