Just got broken up with again today

[triceps]

My 5 month GF broke up with me suddenly 4 weeks ago, and 2 weeks ago she reached out and we moved pretty fast and were with each other 10 days until Wednesday. Thursday I tried reaching out because I wanted to see her again and she said things were moving pretty fast and she needs time to think.

Today she reached out and wanted to meet for a drink. I felt a breakup coming because she said she wants to talk about us and to meet her at a nice bar instead of me picking her up on the way and for me to be mentally prepared. She basically said how a lot of my behavior made her feel uncared for and that we are two different people and doesn't think she could be with someone like me as our standards are different. She is easily the most entitled person I have ever met, but she has improved herself over time. I tried being understanding with what she had to say, but I think we also have a language barrier issue since she started learning English 4 years ago and I think she took what I said the wrong way. 

I drove her home after and she said she felt our meeting was a waste of time like nothing changed. I said earlier that my behavior is something I have to work on my own. I am also seeing a therapist for the first time next week to help with myself. She got in a heated conversation with me and expected me to say that I will change for her when we were back at the bar, she seemed to think that working on myself on my own didn't mean I would change for the better for her. We talked for a bit more in the car about our misunderstandings and said our goodbyes.

Neither of us want a toxic relationship and I am all for positive change, but I know it takes time. Our pasts are very different and I accept her. I still want to try to compromise and make it work, but I also don't want to force it. She is a very special person to me that I never fully gave my heart to because of pain in my last relationship. I can accept if we are not meant to be, but I still am not ready to give up. I feel really confused at what I should do.

[MissCanuck]

We need some context before we can give much advice, OP. 

What was the reason she broke up with you 4 weeks ago?

What behaviour does she expect you to change?

[Kwothe28]

Foreign girl who broke up because you didnt get her pumpkin spice latte when she haid period cramps?

She tells you that her entitled ass feels uncared for? And you think she has improved her behavior? Wow thats rich.

You dont need a therapy, you need a break up. And finding somebody who will care for you enough.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, triceps said:

Neither of us want a toxic relationship 

Sorry this is happening. Do both yourselves a favor and set both yourselves free.

Dating 20 weeks and already toxic, on/off drama indicates you're not compatible.

Stop trying to fix or change each other. That's the toxic part. It doesn't "take time", in fact that's another toxic element... dragging it out like this.

Be kind, make a clean break and delete her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Move forward in peace. Next time don't try to force fit everything because the sex is good once in a while.

[Jibralta]

3 hours ago, triceps said:

She is a very special person to me that I never fully gave my heart to because of pain in my last relationship.

If pain from your last relationship is affecting your behavior in a new relationship, this is not the right time to be dating. She may be upset that you're in therapy for yourself instead of for the relationship, but doing it for yourself is in everyone's best interest.

Don't start dating again until you have put your ex completely behind you. Otherwise, you're doomed to toxicity. 

[triceps]

I had a previous thread on the first time she dumped me. She eventually said it was because I'm not honest with my feelings. Which was true as I was putting her feelings in front of mine because I was scared of losing her. She appreciated when I opened up my feelings and we got back together.

It's not a big deal to me but she also did not want to label us BF/GF even though we were exclusive, she said that's a big deal to her and didn't like me introducing her as my GF to a friend or tagging her on social media. I think she is Narcissistic.

One of my problems is projecting my feelings on someone. Like for some reason she picked up a snail at my place and made it her pet for a couple days. My dog knocked over her little cage a few days ago and everything spilled on the floor when she was at school. I released her snail outside. She was upset that I did that without checking with her as stuff that might mean nothing to me did not mean it would be nothing to her.

[Wiseman2]

36 minutes ago, triceps said:

 she picked up a snail at my place and made it her pet for a couple days. 

How old is she? Ok. Between talking about being dumped "again" in a few months and pet snails 🐌, you need to run 👟👟.

Is this the same girl:?

 

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, triceps said:

Like for some reason she picked up a snail at my place and made it her pet for a couple days. My dog knocked over her little cage a few days ago and everything spilled on the floor when she was at school. I released her snail outside. She was upset that I did that without checking with her as stuff that might mean nothing to me did not mean it would be nothing to her.

Yeah, you should have checked with her. At the very least, you should have told her to keep the snail at her place if you didn't want it at yours.

[Rose Mosse]

You're already calling her entitled so why pursue this or feel bad? Without mutual respect this would never take off. Requiring a nice bar and telling you to be prepared is dramatic and unnecessary for a break up. The snail issue is you half in and half out, liking her company, not liking her. I think you ought to take more time to yourself and avoid picking up people who just add additional nonsense and headache to your life. 

[SooSad33]

Sadly, she is ready to give up..sorry 😕 .

Has been 5 months and that is enough time to see IF a couple is working okay or not.

What you need to do is not be involved with anyone for a while, instead focus on yourself.  as you said, you're still dealing with the past?  And you've reached out for some prof help, good for you!  Therapy can be helpful - been there a few times.

So, now you do not contact her anymore.  Be respectful & leave her be to move on.  You two tried ( a cpl times) and it just isn't working.

So, remain single and worry about you.. because if your past is affecting you it can/will affect your future.  You need to be better than this..right?

One day at a time.

[SherrySher]

8 hours ago, triceps said:

My 5 month GF broke up with me suddenly 4 weeks ago, and 2 weeks ago she reached out and we moved pretty fast and were with each other 10 days until Wednesday. Thursday I tried reaching out because I wanted to see her again and she said things were moving pretty fast and she needs time to think.

Today she reached out and wanted to meet for a drink. I felt a breakup coming because she said she wants to talk about us and to meet her at a nice bar instead of me picking her up on the way and for me to be mentally prepared. She basically said how a lot of my behavior made her feel uncared for and that we are two different people and doesn't think she could be with someone like me as our standards are different. She is easily the most entitled person I have ever met, but she has improved herself over time. I tried being understanding with what she had to say, but I think we also have a language barrier issue since she started learning English 4 years ago and I think she took what I said the wrong way. 

I drove her home after and she said she felt our meeting was a waste of time like nothing changed. I said earlier that my behavior is something I have to work on my own. I am also seeing a therapist for the first time next week to help with myself. She got in a heated conversation with me and expected me to say that I will change for her when we were back at the bar, she seemed to think that working on myself on my own didn't mean I would change for the better for her. We talked for a bit more in the car about our misunderstandings and said our goodbyes.

Neither of us want a toxic relationship and I am all for positive change, but I know it takes time. Our pasts are very different and I accept her. I still want to try to compromise and make it work, but I also don't want to force it. She is a very special person to me that I never fully gave my heart to because of pain in my last relationship. I can accept if we are not meant to be, but I still am not ready to give up. I feel really confused at what I should do.

I think it's best to accept that you and she are a mismatch.

You both may be nice people, you both may have wanted this to work, but you're not compatible.

At 5 months in, if you're having this bad of problems, then it's a sure sign you're not right for each other.

At 5 months, you should still be on the honeymoon phase where everything is happy and wonderful and carefree.

You and she are already unhappy, already making each other feel bad, and it's already work.

It's time to call it a day, mate.

[SherrySher]

8 hours ago, triceps said:

She is a very special person to me that I never fully gave my heart to because of pain in my last relationship

Also, don't date again until this is 100% resolved.

[triceps]

I think you guys are right. Some things shouldn't be forced and are not meant to be. She messaged me this morning wanting to exchange all our things today. So I accept this is truly the end.