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difference in wanting children


MayIask
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17 hours ago, Fudgie said:

With all due respect, when you air your problems on an anon internet forum, looking for advice, people are going to give you advice on multiple aspects of your situation, including the potential for it to happen again in the future. OP is free to ignore what I or what anyone wrote if he disagrees but that's up to him.

I think the nature and tone of the post triggered me.

To paraphrase...

"I presume you had a vasectomy, RIGHT??!!"

As if there were no other possible options and not having a vasectomy is a sure sign of some sort of undiagnosed mental illness or at least outright stupidity.

Reminds me of the antagonistic tone my exwife's attorneys would take when they were drilling me under cross examination in an attempt to extract every last possible dime out of me. Her attorney would usually start with "Isn't it true that..." and then start flinging wild accusations at me hoping to throw me off balance and possibly land a hit.

 

 

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3 hours ago, gamon said:

I think the nature and tone of the post triggered me.

To paraphrase...

"I presume you had a vasectomy, RIGHT??!!"

As if there were no other possible options and not having a vasectomy is a sure sign of some sort of undiagnosed mental illness or at least outright stupidity.

Reminds me of the antagonistic tone my exwife's attorneys would take when they were drilling me under cross examination in an attempt to extract every last possible dime out of me. Her attorney would usually start with "Isn't it true that..." and then start flinging wild accusations at me hoping to throw me off balance and possibly land a hit.

 

 

Admittedly, it's a bit of a hot topic for me. I am female and I had to push hard to get sterilized in my mid 20s. I was sick of being on hormones. I am now in my early 30s and I have no regrets but it honestly really bothers me when I hear of stories of men who also don't want children but are a bit more cavalier with birth control, or saying things like "leaving it up to the woman" and then are surprised when a baby is made. It really boggles my mind. I can't imagine being in their shoes and all it takes is one screw up, one sperm, and BAM, that's it. Now he's an unwilling father, not good for him or the kid, really. 

I'm sorry my post triggered you but given what you said re: ex wife and pitbull lawyers, it makes sense.  I take more of a "direct" approach on this topic, to be blunt and to let them know of what can happen, because it has happened to many guys. There are other options, sure, but if a guy is serious about it and he's a little older, it makes no sense not to make it permanent and fool-proof. That's always been my stance. It also helps out weed out people who are not a good fit. Women who want children won't stick around with a guy who is snipped because it's a dead end: can't change his mind, can't sabotage birth control, etc.

Just my take. 

Edited by Fudgie
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I didn't presume the OP was NOT being responsible, I presumed he WAS.  I didn't call him mentally ill or stupid lol.  And I'm not trying to "land a hit".  Just giving advice, like we all are.

Condoms are available, of course, but by themselves their effectiveness is not great.  Combining condoms with a form of BC for the woman is a great option, much less likelihood for an unintended pregnancy with the additional benefit of protection from STDs.

And yes, the OP's focus seemed to be more on the emotional aspect (developing feelings) than worrying about an unintended pregnancy.  But the possibility is definitely there, so I chose to address that in my posts as well.

I haven't seen the OP back, so it could be he was put off by my post or some of the others, or maybe he found his answer elsewhere. 

My intention isn't "trigger" anyone, but that is of course always a possibility when posting on a forum.  I do get it though, I am emotional today due to a completely unrelated personal issue and am trying to distract myself.

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1 hour ago, Fudgie said:

I am female and I had to push hard to get sterilized in my mid 20s. I was sick of being on hormones.

Oh man, I get that! I knew since I was a little kid that I didn't want children of my own, but every time I asked for an IUD, the doctors put me off. Finally, when I was 35, I was 'allowed' to get one. And I still got an earful from the doctor.

I was only on the pill two or three times in my life, and it never lasted more than a few months. I just find it distasteful to mess around with my body's natural hormone balance.

23 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Condoms are available, of course, but by themselves their effectiveness is not great. 

Right. Condoms break. And a lot more than 2% of condoms break. Not a pleasant discovery after the fact. 

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When I became sexually active I wanted children but not then, not outside of a marriage. Neither did he.   So I was on the pill and he used the spermicidal condoms.  I did this every time. No accidents and yes I was well aware of the issue with antibiotics so the few times I was on them we abstained.  100%? No. But darn close.
 

There are ways and again there are women who definitely don’t want kids and are willing to abort should an accident happen.  It’s a really sensitive topic for sure.  I consider 32 young for a man as far as future change of heart. Particularly since he doesn’t have the biological clock issue. 

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