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How do people balance work, school and relationships?


Nasnas
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This probably comes naturally to most people but I don’t know how to balance my relationships with work, study etc. When I’m dating someone I tend to be deeply invested and make it a priority. Don’t get me wrong I do work and study obviously but I just need tips on how to balance these things better. I feel like I can do a better job of balancing my personal needs, work/study as well my relationship. Honestly not just in this particular situation but I feel like I truly need to work on balance, I feel like I’m either focused on this or the other even in other situations. That is I have the tendency to want to pause on one to do the other one effectively. Does this make sense? Maybe an Infj thing? Idk. Any tips would be appreciated. Thank you!

 

 

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3 hours ago, Nasnas said:

. When I’m dating someone I tend to be deeply invested and make it a priority. Don’t get me wrong I do work and study 

Drop the least necessary most draining factor. That means not making someone you're dating the center of your universe.

Since you need to go to school, study and work, it sounds like you need more boundaries and stop allowing this guy to monopolize your time.

In fact most people manage a lot more than this including work, school, clubs, groups, sports, volunteering, friends, family, etc.

It seems like you are overinvesting and overinvolved with guys you date.

Is this the same man?:

 

Edited by Wiseman2
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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Drop the least necessary most draining factor. That means not making someone you're dating the center of your universe.

Since you need to go to school, study and work, it sounds like you need more boundaries and stop allowing this guy to monopolize your time.

In fact most people manage a lot more than this including work, school, clubs, groups, sports, volunteering, friends, family, etc.

It seems like you are overinvesting and overinvolved with guys you date.

Is this the same man?:

 

No no! I do not intend to reopen that chapter. I did take your advise and I am focusing on university and personal improvement. 

I think you’ve missed what my question is (please re-read). I’m just doing some reflection because I want to work on myself. I want to know how I could handle these things better in the future. That’s why I also mentioned at the end that it’s not just about relationships but more generally about finding balance. 
 

Any tips? 

Edited by Nasnas
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Develop a weekly/monthly planner. Plan out your activities in advance. Since you have a full life of work, school, and dating, limit seeing a guy to twice a week. Fill in slots for timelines for work, studying, lunch with a friend, pampering alone-time. You have to work to keep a roof over your head. Education is important to provide career happiness and the financial lifestyle you desire. Those things can't be shoved aside for more-than-is-needed boyfriend time. 

I keep a calendar to keep track of everything. It'll be helpful for you to organize yourself in this way, and you will likely feel more in control when you see everything in writing and stick to the plan you've set for yourself.

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It's called time management. You set your major things up for the week. Then you set your times for eating, sleeping, showering, cleaning, shopping. Then whatever time you have left is what you have to go out, watch a movie, go to the gym, etc. Also you can train yourself to fill in those times when you have 10 or 15 mins to kill with folding laundry, do some homework or call your mom, etc, instead of twittling on yer phone. The trick is, is to use every bit of your time productively.

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It sounds like you feel overwhelmed at times or aren't sure how to prioritize. It is ok to feel excited and caught up in the beginning but if you have a good routine and are committed to your work and courses or program, other items or activities take a back seat. Stay focused on your tasks. Instead of spending an entire day with someone, limit that to a few hours and then excuse yourself to tend to other commitments. If you're able to have a big picture view of what matters or what you need to accomplish, you will automatically want to prioritize what's important.

Take breaks too and appreciate your partner if you're dating. It's the little things. You don't need to go all out and splurge on time and money. Be thoughtful and choose smaller bite sized pieces. It takes far longer to build trust and get to know someone than it does completing a course or a task for work so give it that time it deserves to grow. 

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Coordinating schedules and cooperation are required to make dating work with jobs and school.  Also, remain mature and realistic regarding limited time.  Relationships can endure as long as no one is selfish nor demanding.  There needs to be a lot of flexibility and empathy in order for busy relationships to thrive and survive. 

My story is different.  When my husband was enrolled in grad school, our sons and I had to back off in order for him to succeed.  His time was very limited so I picked up a lot of slack while taking care of everything at the home front and raised our sons so he could excel which eventually benefited our household later.  I knew he was extremely busy with work and school so I made sure the rest of us didn't burden him with demands on his time, labor and energy.  It was stressful to support him with home cooked meals at his convenience (packed and eating on the go), making sure the kids were tended and not bothering him and making his life convenient.  However, we've reaped what we've sown years later.  No pain, no gain. 

Being organized is key. 

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10 hours ago, Andrina said:

Develop a weekly/monthly planner. Plan out your activities in advance. Since you have a full life of work, school, and dating, limit seeing a guy to twice a week. Fill in slots for timelines for work, studying, lunch with a friend, pampering alone-time. You have to work to keep a roof over your head. Education is important to provide career happiness and the financial lifestyle you desire. Those things can't be shoved aside for more-than-is-needed boyfriend time. 

I keep a calendar to keep track of everything. It'll be helpful for you to organize yourself in this way, and you will likely feel more in control when you see everything in writing and stick to the plan you've set for yourself.

My husband does something like this.  He divides his days into time for the main things he wants to do and accomplish.  He can easily get raked in and over focus on one thing to the detriment of other things.  He works his day in hourly segments, you could try that, or use a calendar if you think that would be better.

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I work full time and I also am in graduate school. Frankly, I don't have time for a full-fledged relationship. I mean, I suppose I COULD but I do value the leisure time I do have and I don't want to fill that time with other things. Most people in my position have families and such, but I know their family life sort of takes a back seat OR they are able to lean on their spouse financially and go part time or less. I live alone so not an option for me. 

For me, and this is just me, but I looove my leisure time so 2/3 is doable but not a total of 3. If I had to do all 3, something is taking a backseat. Something has got to give. 

Work/School, Work/Relationship, School/Relationship

Again, your mileage may vary. I treasure my leisure time/seeing family and getting 8+ hours of shuteye every night. 

As you get older, you will learn your limits and what you want out of life. Yes, you could schedule your time, being superwoman and working 50+ hours a week, have a husband, 1.5 children, plus a social life, plus volunteer, plus seeing your other family members, plus hobbies...

Some people can do that and be happy but not me. Could I do it? Sure. Would I want to off myself within 6 months? Probably.

Figure out what you want and need in your life to be happy and to take care of your own needs and then be mindful of how much you take on as you get older, taking into account the benefits and the costs. 

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When it came to school for me, that was top priority. I took a job with clear-cut hours, and I lucked into one where they let me do homework there. Reception jobs are good for this, as it reflects well on the company when you're great AND people notice that they let you study.

After work I'd unwind with friends or phone time, but I'd give them my time-cap up front. They would even remind me when it's close to go-time. I used this time to eat, or I'd eat while studying.

I didn't pursue dating during this time, but if I organically met someone of interest, I'd fit date time into my social time. I was more flexible with this time--no cap.

However, I didn't make another person my world. I didn't turn down dates with a study-excuse, I'd just say, "That's not good for me, can we make it Thursday or Saturday instead?"

I'd front-load my homework into my week so that I'd be available for important weekend things. I wouldn't miss, say, my nephew's birthday party, but I'd make sure that I was in a good place with school early enough to fit in the good stuff.

Transitions are hard for most people--that's why Happy Hour was invented. So don't fault yourself when you don't feel like picking up the books, just set goals and give yourself fun rewards for meeting them. When you can get assignments done early, it really helps you to enjOy everything else.

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On 10/15/2021 at 3:34 AM, Nasnas said:

This probably comes naturally to most people but I don’t know how to balance my relationships with work, study etc.

On the contrary, I think a lot of people struggle with balance, especially as they are first starting to take on adult responsibilities. And even through adulthood, balance can be an ongoing challenge, particularly when your circumstances are in a state of flux.

On 10/15/2021 at 3:34 AM, Nasnas said:

That is I have the tendency to want to pause on one to do the other one effectively. Does this make sense?

To me it does. Where work, school, and relationships are concerned, I think you have to make a long term plan and prioritize one at a time. But the strategy can (and should) change as the situation changes. Once you have one of them in order, it becomes easier to balance the other two.

I've found that a good relationship with a solid partner makes balance easier. But you can't force that. In fact, of the three priorities, I think people have the least control over our personal relationships. They are the most complicated and least predictable aspects of life. So, be sure not to neglect your career and/or your education in favor of a relationship. Let your relationships fall into place around the life you build for yourself.

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I’m big into calendaring and planning. I do this weekly. Since I teach but am also a grad student, I outline what I MUST accomplish for each during the week and on what day I want to do it. I also factor in my home tasks (laundry, cleaning, etc). I do 1 major chore per day and laundry a couple times a week. After I’ve done all this I can see what free time/me time I have left and know when I can meet up with friends. 
I’m a visual person so having things laid out in a planner helps me keep it all balanced. 

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