Feelings for a girl from my home town

[nman414]

I recently transferred to a state school near the beach. I really miss being in a relationship and would love to have someone close especially because I don't have many friends at the moment. I just found out a week or so ago that a girl from my hometown is living just about a block away from me. She goes to a different school about 15 minutes away however lives with another girl from my hometown In a house about 2 minutes from my apartment. We've gone to school together since pre K and have always been acquaintances. Ive always thought that she is a very pretty girl but we have never really talked much and nothing has ever happened. I have seen her on dating apps on and off for the past few months and whenever I do, I can't stop thinking about her for the next few days. then the feeling fades and the cycle repeats. I just recently saw her pop up again and this time I think I might make a move. I already have her snapchat so I was thinking of just messaging her there. how would you guys go about messaging her out of the blue to see if she wanted to grab food or something? 

A few concerns that have always held me back though, first, I worry about how she fades from my thoughts. Is it normal to have this happen? I don't want to get into a relationship and then have my feelings fade. This kinda brings me into my second point. Around high school graduation, her boyfriend, who I am also acquainted with, broke up with her. Judging from her social media (twitter retweets and likes) it really messed her up. She still likes tweets about relationship stuff to this day. I would feel so bad if I were to hurt her, especially because all our hometown friends would know.

I have a feeling people will raise the argument that there are plenty of girls and that I shouldn't settle for a hometown girl. Although that is true, there are plenty of beautiful women that I see on campus, I just don't know how many of them are fit for me. I am more of a night in, non partier. and as a student at a large state school, most girls here are only interested in getting drunk and hooking up. This girl on the other hand is different from the rest. I have also been searching dating apps and meeting people in classes for 2ish years in this city with no luck and I am starting to feel desperate.

So my question is, should I wait it out and keep hoping for the right girl to magically appear into my life, or should I reach out to this girl and try to start something with her, and if so, how should I go about doing it? 

Thanks

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, nman414 said:

I worry about how she fades from my thoughts. Is it normal to have this happen? I don't want to get into a relationship and then have my feelings fade. This kinda brings me into my second point. Around high school graduation, her boyfriend, who I am also acquainted with, broke up with her. Judging from her social media (twitter retweets and likes) it really messed her up. She still likes tweets about relationship stuff to this day. I would feel so bad if I were to hurt her,

I have nothing to say on your mention of dating a hometown girl.  Not a problem with that.

And no, no girl is going to magically appear in your life.  You are doing something to 'look out' for a decent girl.  Keep on it 😉 .

What is concerning is your mention of her still posting relationship stuff- so she is probably still hurting. So, what could happen IF you were to get into something with her, is she could hurt YOU.  because you could really come to like her but she may not be in that 'frame of mind', yet.

As for your feelings fading? You have no idea yet if things would fade that way, once you get to hang with her, see her & talk to her more.  As of yet, you are not doing this...

No one truly knows until they are in that position.

So, yeah. looks like some chances will be taken IF she fancies you as well.. but, you don't even know that yet.

Contact her if you feel is right, see if she shows same interest in you.. But, proceed with caution.  Try not to get too into this, until you get a feel when she is around.

 

[Rose Mosse]

Reach out and be friendly. If she is interested in talking with you she will reciprocate. You seem very negative towards the locals which is never a good look. Dating a "hometown girl" just because you look down on the local women makes you look petty and narrowminded. Try changing that outlook a bit and stay positive in your interactions. Good luck.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, nman414 said:

I recently transferred to a state school near the beach. I really miss being in a relationship and would love to have someone close 

Super. Enjoy studying in a great location. You're probably a bit homesick and lonely. That's ok, you'll make plenty of friends at college.

How do you know this about her? Hopefully not social media stalking.

At most reach out to be friends, don't look for sex from old friends.

Go out for a beer a coffee a swim whatever but don't lose friends by putting the moves on them.

Get on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting new local women.

Is this the same woman?:

 

[nman414]

v 

 

[nman414]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Super. Enjoy studying in a great location. You're probably a bit homesick and lonely. That's ok, you'll make plenty of friends at college.

How do you know this about her? Hopefully not social media stalking.

At most reach out to be friends, don't look for sex from old friends.

Go out for a beer a coffee a swim whatever but don't lose friends by putting the moves on them.

Get on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting new local women.

Is this the same woman?:

 

 /

[nman414]

Aha no I not from stalking, just saw from her posts that she was going to school in the area. Not really interested in just the sex aspect,  there are plenty of girls on campus that could fulfill that need. based off social media posts (also not stalking, just noticed what she posts over time) it seems like both of us are looking more for a long term relationship. It is also not the girl from my past relationship. I decided to allow her to heal on her own and if she initiates contact then so be it.

been testing the water on the dating apps for quite some time with no luck. not many people looking for serious relationships. Ill take your advice and see if she wants to grab coffee or something and go from there.

[boltnrun]

I'm concerned that you say you are "getting desperate". Decisions based on desperation are usually bad.

Do you want HER? Or just some warm body to hang the girlfriend title sign onto?

[Rose Mosse]

You're really overthinking this. Just break the ice and reintroduce yourself and go from there. Don't presume anything about her such as her looking for anything long term. You don't know this person. She's only a familiar face. Have fun with it. If you both don't get along, meet others and, again, work on staying a bit more positive.

 

 

[nman414]

2 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

You're really overthinking this. Just break the ice and reintroduce yourself and go from there. Don't presume anything about her such as her looking for anything long term. You don't know this person. She's only a familiar face. Have fun with it. If you both don't get along, meet others and, again, work on staying a bit more positive.

 

 

Lol I am definitely an over thinker. Ive already thought of all possible outcomes both good and bad. I am happy to report that I decided to text her this morning. I invited her to catch up over a smoothie bowl by the beach on Sunday. She seemed super excited and we'll be meeting up this weekend. Thanks for the encouragement everyone.

[Rose Mosse]

3 minutes ago, nman414 said:

Lol I am definitely an over thinker. Ive already thought of all possible outcomes both good and bad. I am happy to report that I decided to text her this morning. I invited her to catch up over a smoothie bowl by the beach on Sunday. She seemed super excited and we'll be meeting up this weekend. Thanks for the encouragement everyone.

Lovely!! Have a good time. 

[Cherylyn]

Yes, message her out of the blue to see if she wants to grab food.  It sounds like a great idea.  Just act natural and be casual.  Treat her how you would like to be treated which is with gracious, great manners and respect.  Be nice but don't act fake and phony.  Be humble and kind.  Be a great listener and don't talk excessively.  She should enjoy your company if you treat her like a lady. 

She fades from your thoughts because you are busy with your school life.  Once you meet her in person, you will think of her more.  Don't be concerned about fading thoughts.  Generally, people don't think about another person 100% of the time because they have a life and do other things such as work, study, errands, tasks, chores and busy with general daily activities. 

Don't be concerned about her ex-boyfriend and their breakup because it's history.  She has a new life without him. 

She sounds like a nice girl and a good match for you plus both of you have a lot in common due to your mutual hometown. 

No, don't wait.  What are waiting for?  There is no better time than now.  No, don't hope for the right girl to magically appear into your life.  You go to people.  They will not always come to you.  Be a go getter.  Strike while the iron's hot.

[Cherylyn]

12 minutes ago, nman414 said:

Lol I am definitely an over thinker. Ive already thought of all possible outcomes both good and bad. I am happy to report that I decided to text her this morning. I invited her to catch up over a smoothie bowl by the beach on Sunday. She seemed super excited and we'll be meeting up this weekend. Thanks for the encouragement everyone.

🙂👍

[Batya33]

17 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

You're really overthinking this. Just break the ice and reintroduce yourself and go from there. Don't presume anything about her such as her looking for anything long term. You don't know this person. She's only a familiar face. Have fun with it. If you both don't get along, meet others and, again, work on staying a bit more positive.

 

 

Yes - this is exactly what I was going to suggest - worrying about whether she "fades" from your thoughts -all abstract because  you've never gotten to know her.  Get to know her.

[catfeeder]

Good luck with your visit. Enjoy a new experience in the comfort of your shared history. Let this teach you over time whether you'll want to relax into friend territory or whether it could lead to more.