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Recently I have noticed patterns of irritability and anger. I try to control it, but each time I fail. Yesterday, I lashed out at a woman at the Drivers License center because she was very rude to me. I was so upset afterwards and cried in my car because I’ve never stuck up for myself like that. Although I did that, I let it get to me the rest of the day. There’s other situations where I feel angry and I want to blow up, so I go into a quiet place to cool down and take deep breaths. I do consider myself to be communicative, but sometimes I feel like I am not heard when I express myself, which is probably why I feel angry. I have noticed that some situations in the past have made me an angry person. I didn’t always use to be this way. I was always the nice person, but I’m now the complete opposite and have a zero tolerance/patience level. My anxiety has worsen and I let the small things get to me. I want to know if anyone is going through this and if you can give me any helpful tips to control my anger? Thank you.

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1 hour ago, Blckbttrfly said:

I go into a quiet place to cool down and take deep breaths.

This shows that you have excellent insight as well as some very good coping,  decompressing and diffusing strategies.

Anger is an ok emotion, usually due to injustice, frustration, etc. It's how you handle and decompress it that matters.

Reflect if some sort of stress is running in the background. Of course regular physical activity helps as does cutting down on caffeine and alcohol.

However if it becomes more of a problem than coping techniques can manage consider being evaluated for anxiety and depression.

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I commend you for having a conscience.  I've known countless people who are emotionally charged and lack impulse control yet never feel guilt nor remorse which is most infuriating to me.  These people include relatives, extended relatives and in-laws. 

I commend you for having a guilty conscience.  This means you desire correcting yourself and becoming a very decent human being.

Unfortunately, a lot of people such as employees in the service industry and many people in society are rude.  This is the norm so grow accustomed to it.  However, don't take other people's rudeness (especially in public) personally.  A lot of people are grumpy and miserable.  Their foul mood is reflective of their habitual rudeness.  When you don't take their rudeness personally and as you learn to become emotionally detached, you won't react impulsively anymore.  With practice, you'll grow numb. 

You can still stick up for yourself DIPLOMATICALLY.  You can still be irritable and angry while handling yourself graciously.  If you have anything to say, say it with respect, be very polite, well mannered yet firm and serious.  Develop finesse and decorum.  With practice, you will hone these life skills by communicating effectively.  Choose your words wisely and control your temper.

If you are not heard when you express yourself, take care of business and walk away.  Strangers are nobody to you so treat them as such.  Be nonchalant.  Outbursts and making a spectacle of yourself only has negative consequences.  You'll feel awful afterwards, everyone feels negative and nothing good comes out of it.  It's not worth your aggravation after the fact.  Exercise self control or better yet, change your mindset and trajectory. 

Patience is acquired when you realize that you can't control people's rudeness, change them or change situations in your favor.  You can only control yourself and change for your benefit.  Don't waste your time and energy on people who don't matter in your life. 

I've noticed that I become easily agitated, aggravated and irritable whenever I neglect my health.  If I don't eat right, stay hydrated, exercise and get enough sleep, I have difficulty controlling my anger and helpless frustrations.  I become easily very negative and depressed.  I complain a lot.  Then when I'm diligent about my daily health, I think more and talk less.  I become silent.  I'm content and much calmer.  I'm too exhausted to fight.  You need endorphins and nature's feel good hormones called seratonin.  When I'm out in public, I take care of my errand and that's that.  I don't insert my personal opinons nor outrage because it's unnecessary. 

Research "anger management" and learn how to redirect your anger to positive thinking and positive actions for starters. 


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29 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I've noticed that I become easily agitated, aggravated and irritable whenever I neglect my health.  If I don't eat right, stay hydrated, exercise and get enough sleep, I have difficulty controlling my anger and helpless frustrations.  I become easily very negative and depressed.

Same and I also think this pandemic has taken a toll on us and increased irritability -balanced against so many staff shortages and turnover.  Today when I was worn out a cashier at my local supermarket was really rude.  They're usually so nice.  I did not lash out although I wanted to. I also wanted to follow up and report her.  But I will not because especially now these cashiers are working so hard and I do not want her to get in trouble at all and jeopardize how she feeds her family. 

So what I did with my anger -I had a heavy shopping cart to push home the .7 mile walk.  I made myself transfer my negative energy into walking as fast as possible -even the uphill parts.  I do that a lot - I push myself physically to get the negative energy out.  What also helps is just focusing on let's say, the soap on my hands when I wash  them -or I'll stretch out my fingers and notice the stretch -something like that to rebalance/refocus.  Good luck!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Seconding being overloaded with tasks/responsibilities and underslept, increases my irritability terribly. 

I have yet to try this and reading your post reminds me I’m cheating no one but myself by not giving this a go; the theory is if you practice mindfulness regularly you will get better at it. Practice mindfulness in calm times, when you’re well rested, content, happy, think of it as a muscle to be worked out at the gym. Then, in theory, when you’re tired and over worked you will have more capacity to keep your irritability to yourself. (And I mean if you or I are going to do this seriously we’re talking 20 minutes, every day. Seems like a lot. But I spend more time than that exercising and that’s cut from the same cloth of personal Improvement so why not dedicate 20 minutes to watching my breath every day?!) 

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