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Lack of intimacy after cheating accusations


DonM77
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About 3 years ago my GF of 10 years accused me of cheating after she developed a small bump on her tongue. This wasn't the first time she has made such accusations. In fact, she forced me once to get tested for stds before we had sex again. I've never given her a reason to assume I've ever cheated so I don't know where this even came from. (My opinon later...)

 

Most recent accusation stemmed from what I'll describe as a skin tab on her tongue. After several months of having the skin tab on her tongue she finally went to the Dr about it. During the months leading up to this she made my life hell. 

 

The outcome was not std related but skin tab was believed to be caused by a dental tool which eventually fell off on its own. However she still believes it was caused by giving me oral sex. 

 

To this day she refuses to perform oral on me and even took it a step further and won't allow me to perform oral on her too. While we do have unprotected sex I'm at a loss of words trying to understand her justification in all this.

 

As a result are sex life has taken a major toll because of this and sex has become a chore and very vanilla. I've brought it up several times and I either get a defensive answer or silence with no explanation and zero effort in trying to improve our sex life.

 

This makes me feel like she cheated on me in the past but I have no other reason to believe such a thing. 

 

I believe her Insecurities stem from the big age gap in our relationship as she is 14 years older than me. 

 

Thoughts on this and possibly how to fix it?

Edited by DonM77
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11 minutes ago, DonM77 said:

About 3 years ago my GF of 10 years accused me of cheating after she developed a small bump on her tongue. I believe her Insecurities stem from the big age gap in our relationship as she is 14 years older than me.

How old is she? Is she generally a hypochondriac? It makes zero sense that there's unprotected sex but she's paranoid about STDs via oral.

It seems the main issue is her insecurity about ageing and that you'll leave.  After all it's 10 years and it's still just GF/BF, right?

 Was she married before or does  she have kids? 

Sounds like you are both getting kind of sick of each. Not much to do if she chronically thinks you're cheating or the oral sex is gone.

Edited by Wiseman2
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2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How old is she? Is she generally a hypochondriac? It makes zero sense that there's unprotected sex but she's paranoid about STDs via oral.

It seems the main issue is her insecurity about ageing and that you'll leave.  After all it's 10 years and it's still just GF/BF, right?

 Was she married before or does  she have kids? 

Sounds like you are both getting kind of sick of each. Not much to do if she chronically thinks you're cheating or the oral sex is gone.

She is 56 years old divorced after cheating on husband twice with two adult kids.

 

She is absolutely a hypochondriac with something wrong every day literally. That's the second biggest issue in our relationship. Aside from those two things we get along great. We are best friends who do everything together.

 

If she is insecure with age wouldn't it be logical to want to make me happy sexually so I don't leave? She rarely exhibits a desire to ever to make me happy. 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, DonM77 said:

She is 56 years old divorced after cheating on husband twice with two adult kids

That's it. She cheated on you. She's a cheater.

The reason she gets angry/defensive and blamed you for the skin tab is because she probably got it from some other dude(she thought it was some std, panicked, didn't go to the dr, and then blamed you)

Regardless, your relationship sounds like torture. She's controlling, dismissive and selfish. Time to leave this and find someone with healthy behaviour who would trust you and take your needs in consideration. She isn't the one for you.

29 minutes ago, DonM77 said:

This makes me feel like she cheated on me in the past but I have no other reason to believe such a thing

Yup^

Learn to put your foot down as well with the next lady when she gaslights you or accuses of cheating. Don't enable it or put up with it. You know who you are.

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She is a cheater so she thinks like a cheater.  She projects her cheating onto you probably because she believes everyone cheats and you will eventually just like she did.  You see if you have done something horrible it makes it easier to live with if you believe everyone does it too.

  Lets just look at the relationship as a whole for a moment.

-Cheaters often accuse their partner of cheating to keep them off guard.

-Stonewalls you when you try and talk about your sex life.

-Sex has become a chore.

-She has a fixation on germs and being ill.

-She rarely tries to make you happy.

-She has accused you of giving her an std and even after proof that she didn't have one she still blames you.

-She made your life hell for months instead of going to the doctor straight away.

  I see a pattern of you being the emotional punching bag in this relationship. Has she always been like this?

  Lost 

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8 hours ago, DonM77 said:

She is 56 years old divorced after cheating on husband twice with two adult kids.

 

She is absolutely a hypochondriac with something wrong every day literally. That's the second biggest issue in our relationship.

She has a past of cheating and as mentioned, if they accuse you of cheating, is most likely because it is them who's done it.

So.. you choose to stick around with someone who seems find something wrong every day and who has now pretty much ruined your sex life....

This is done now, isn't it?

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