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Should I move on or is there something??


Sherlock51
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Hi, I am a 17 year old guy. Since ninth grade, I have been in love with this amazing beautiful girl who is way out of my league. I met her by chance and we became friends. She is really nice to me and we used to talk everyday for a couple of minutes since we didn't really get many opportunities to talk(she is always hanging with her friends and never alone) and she used to wave me goodbye everyday. She knew I loved her but she didn't really say anything about whether she liked me of not. I guess I was okay with it cuz uncertainty is better than rejection. So last year during the pandemic, we were just chatting on a zoom class when she confessed my love for me and said she really likes me but was afraid to tell me. We had a really amazing conversation, we discussed what we liked and we wanted to do in the future. Basically it was the best moment of my life. Some details are kind of blurry from this day and I unfortunately didn't take any screenshots. I don't have any mobile of my own. I use my mom's and she is really conservative about these things. So I couldn't let her know I had a huge crush on a girl. This is the major communication gap between me and that girl. I can't chat with her cuz my mom will see and can't talk cuz I really don't have any privacy. So two months later I finally got the opportunity to have a long conversation with her and I told her that even though we don't talk or meet in person, I love her. She didn't remember what had happened two months ago(it might have been an honest mistake, she is really stressed due to studies). So after a few seconds she remembered and then spoke in a sad tone that she is sorry that she said those things about loving me and she doesn't want to lose a friend. It felt like a black hole was sucking me when she said those words and I felt real sad after ending the call. I felt a little angry and regretfully cursed her. I felt guilty later on and still kept hope about our relationship. 

One thing to note about me is that I am an maladaptive daydreamer which means I am an escapist and I often just imagine fantasies in my head. I am imagined my whole life with her. I have imaginary sweet conversations with her, I imagine I am making out with her, I imagine she is giving me a shoulder to cry and all that corny stuff.

So I still didn't give up cuz I was hopeful that there is some love between us. When I wished her happy new year, she said she hopes we meet soon. When we went to in person school, she was again nice with me but didn't really do anything out of ordinary to suggest she loved me.

In July 2021, when my birthday came, she unexpectedly remembered it and gave me a really thoughtful message and told me that she wishes to "be in touch with me forever" and wished me "love"(the word love was specifically underlined). That made me really happy and reignited my hopes.

Later she sent me a funny meme/joke about secret conversations that lovers have and I said in an casual way, "remember that we do the same thing" and she replied with yes and a laughing emoji.

Remember that we don't really chat about common stuff. I am really shy and get scared talking to her. We just talk about school and normal homework stuff that I help her with. 

One day when we were alone going to home after school, she was waiting for her father to pick her up and asked me I wanted a ride home since it is really far away and she said this way I could also meet her father(don't know what she meant by that) I was suprised and happy and politely declined.

So I finally gave myself an ultimatum and convinced myself that I would confess my feelings to her directly and get rid of this confusion. I haven't found her alone yet since a bunch of boys just swarm over her every single moment thinking they have a chance. We just had a extremely brief conversation yesterday where she just asked me how I scored and then went to her friends.

So my question is this, is she a good friend and I am misinterpreting the signals or she really loves me???

Why all the contradictory signals. Acting nice on texting but not even talking to me in school. 

I am just an insecure ugly kid, should I even bother asking her out? I hope you will help me out 

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2 hours ago, Sherlock51 said:

So two months later I finally got the opportunity to have a long conversation with her and I told her that even though we don't talk or meet in person, I love her. She didn't remember what had happened two months ago(it might have been an honest mistake, she is really stressed due to studies).

Oh yes she did, but you sorta did "blow her out" so she played it cool like nothing happened. Your mothers phone or not(btw dont think mother would mind that you said to some girl that you like her or not unless you are from some reason forbiden to date people, and even if she did you could delete conversation or use that thing you youngsters use called Snapchat that deletes them on their own) you should have reacted back then, not wait two months to tell her that you feel the same. 

Nevertheless, nobody can tell you the chances. You might had the window of opportunity back when she said you those things but now she "cooled off", you might have it even now, nobody knows that. You know how you might find out that? By calling her out on the date. In person when you are alone, over messages, its the same. It will give you the opportunity to spend some time together and both say what you want to say and if she says "no" you can move on and stop daydreaming about her. Btw dont do that, I know that you are young but its detrimental for you on the long track. Most of people we meet and want to date will not progress with us that much so that we could hope to spend the whole life with them. Most of people might not even be with us or like us. If we hope that everybody we meet will spend their life with us it leads to a lot of dissapointment. Its nice to hope, but go step by step when meet somebody. Meaning talk, ask on date, go on dates and after it progresses that far then hope to maybe spend a life with that person. That way even if it doesnt progresses past the date, the dissapointment would be way less for you. I know its a thing that young people do and that you will probably learn in time, just saying that its better to learn that now. 

Edited by Kwothe28
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I feel she see's you as a decent friend.

And so often, is much better to have that at least, then nothing at all.

Often when we 'cross those lines' beyond friendship and things go sour, we lose what we had in that 'friendship'.

I feel you should just see her as that - a friend.

If she saw you as something more, then she'd be showing some real interest.  Not basic chat, then off with friends.

So, how about you work on letting go of any other expectations and be glad you do have her as a friend.

 

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It's ok to have a crush or daydream about a pretty girl. She likes you as a friend and may feel a bit pressured with the I love you thing. Just back off that and enjoy the friendship and her company for now.

Are you not allowed to have phone or your family can't afford it? Can you get a part time job and get an inexpensive prepaid phone for yourself?

Start by focusing on some things that you'll need to date eventually. A phone helps because everyone uses social media and messaging. 

A job helps because you can ask a girl to go get a soda. In school, sign up for clubs, groups, sports and events. Girls like boys who are involved in things.

Edited by Wiseman2
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Not until you're many, many months into dating should you confess "feelings." You simply ask someone on a date after reading signals she might say "yes."

As for this girl, she likes the ego boost you have a crush on her. It's nice to have a fan. But she just doesn't see you as more than a friend. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Two people sharing chemistry doesn't always happen. You can't be everyone's cup of tea. I did online dating and sometimes the guy never asked me out after an initial meet. Some did ask again but I wasn't interested. There were some where we did both share chemistry, but then after 2 or 3 dates, found that our personalities clashed or our dating goals didn't align. It's more rare for the magic to happen, and people often have to have numerous dating experiences, so accept that's the norm versus meeting "the one" as a teen.

You're going to have to work on your self esteem for relationship success. You should get to the mindset that any woman would be lucky to have you versus that someone is out of you're league and that you're ugly. Confidence is the biggest attractor. If you don't like yourself, others will sense this about you and wonder, "He doesn't value himself, so does it mean there really is something wrong about him I should be cautious about?"

Read some books and articles on boosting your self-esteem, always keeps up with friends and hobbies besides having a love interest, and don't date until you know you'll be fine if a break up happens. Think of it as having a fulfilling love you want to share with someone versus a person "making" you happy. Because nobody can do that. 

You've labeled yourself as shy but you're really going to have to challenge yourself and get out into the world more rather than staying behind the false safety of a computer screen. With practice, your social skills should improve. Good luck.

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Egad don't profess your love to her. You only do that when you are BF/GF for sometime. Keep kool.

What would perk her interest up is that you got your driver's license and a part time job. Then things could happen because you start to look mature and have things going on.

 

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