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My wife is an Alcoholic and I am struggling running out of solutions to cope.


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I have posted here before back in 2015 I think about my wife drinking and cheating. Since it all came out we have been really happy for the most part. She still falls off the wagon from time to time and I try to set boundaries but we keep ending back in the same place. A while back she started getting angry when she gets drunk. I think it might be from resentment that I won't let her get drunk all the time. I make her wait till the weekend and have a couple instead of going off the deep end fighting all night and messing up my work day the next day. We have had a few major alcohol periods but she would get through them and be OK for a while. She did go to AAA after the drinking and cheating period but not since then. She was even in an auto accident in Oct 2019 when a tow truck ran a stop sign at full speed and totaled her new car and broker her wrist and arm. She could have easily died. The driver ran up to her window after the accident and she gave him a bag with alcohol in it and told him to get rid of it because I would be mad and she's not allowed to have it. He took it to his truck and later gave it to the police at the station trying to say it was her fault. Luckily she had not been drinking but the Police showed up at our house and asked her if it were hers. I was so angry and humiliated that in a time she could die with a major accident and shes's waiting for an ambulance still in her car, she has to get rid of something bad she was doing. It was heartbreaking to say the least. Anyway, now to this week, I was diagnosed with an ascending aorta aneurism. That means I have to watch my blood pressure and the inner wall tear of my aorta because it can get bigger and or rupture. After a lot of tests, my doctor confirmed everything and I have to start living life not being able to lift more then 10 or 20 lbs or risk damaging my aorta which is really upsetting since I am 6' and 180lb fit and can't even lift the dog food or a suit case without a risk. Obviously it was a stressful week leading up to find out exactly how bad it is and I had confided in her about my fear of dying not for myself but not being there for my family. So I go home and that night my wife sneaks some kind of alcohol substitute name Cava or something and gets 3 times the legal limit. She blames it on me being upset and totally distorts what happened talking about it after the doctors appointment. Then she proceeds to start to fight with me and always turns the focus to my taking prescribed pain medication for a bad disc in my back and stenosis (pinched spinal nerve) like I have a heavy drug problem and she's fine (thank god I have never had an addictive personality and I'm careful to make sure I'm OK since people get hooked on this stuff easily). Then when that doesn't work, she starts mocking me about my fear of dying with the aneurism and I got really upset, sick about how cold she was being and felt horrible so I took my blood pressure and I was 164/138. That is way above the ER trip threshold and I immediately took some more blood pressure medication and laid down praying nothing bad was going to happen. She says she is going to get dressed in case she needs to take me to the ER and takes off upstairs. She leaves me there by myself for 20 minutes. If I had something bad happen, I would have been on my own. She comes downstairs with her keys and all dressed and ask me if I want her to take me to the hospital. By that time, I had gotten my blood pressure back under control and I made her blow in the breathalyzer. She is more then 2 times the legal limit and says she's not drunk and is ready to drive. I tell her we can't argue or I seriously risk the possibility of dying and she just seems irritated. She goes back up and goes to sleep. She comes back down and apologizes about 3 in the morning for everything. We have a big talk the next day about our rules of not drinking during the weekday. Keep in mind, I always let her have a CBD THC pot gummy in the evening if she wants because she doesn't fight when she has one. Anyway, she seems remorseful and seems to understand what she did and she comes downstairs tonight and I see eyes don't look right so I make her blow in the breathalyzer again and she's almost 3 times the legal limit again. She started to argue that she doesn't understand why she can't have a bottle of wine if she's at home and not driving anywhere despite my explaining that we have rules with alcohol so they don't affect my job or our boys on a school night. My sons are 18 and 15. Anyway, I remained calm and am on heavier blood pressure medication but my blood pressure still jumps 10 points and I feel out of control. She went to bed and I am still up thinking about everything. I am reaching my wits end and I love this woman so much. I am 51 and she is 55. Our life is great. She has been a stay at home mom now for almost 16 years and never wants for anything. She is the sweetest kindest person I have ever met until she drinks and then she is just getting meaner and meaner. I have told her that this is ruining our relationship and she needs to stop because I don't want to wake up one day and want or need to leave. Yet, it keeps happening over and over. I am not sure what to do about it. I have never had her remorseful and turn around and do it two days later knowing what it did to me as well. I have been sitting here thinking about how I can handle it. My only thoughts are that my home needs to become 100% dry. Family, friends and our pastor need to know what is going on and what I am dealing with. I need their help to make sure she doesn't hide and drink alcohol even at their get togethers etc. I know, I thought about just letting her have the pot gummies in moderation but without them, she still drinks whenever she can and I fear she would just drink on top of the pot which could probably be dangerous. I can't seem to find anyway around this and I am afraid of what it means for us socially. Our friends are various level drinkers so this could seriously impact our social life and that could lead to depression for her. She has asked about getting a job again since our kids are older now but I fear she would just be out drinking whenever she could and when I am not around her, I am still seriously concerned about her drinking too much and cheating again. She blamed the cheating on alcohol in the first place back in 2015 so I really fear her falling in to that and I could not take it this time. It took every ounce of my being to just be able to get past her infidelities last time which included about everything ... telling someone she loved them ... except actual intercourse thank God who get scared some times when they hear us fight because she won't be quiet when she's drunk. I don't think I could have made it through that kids or not. To top it all off, this is both of our second marriages. We only have 2 kids and they were together. Her ex husband had a major drug addiction and would disappear for the week and then just show up. She should be better aware of what she is doing to me when she is sober and out buying alcohol. Anyway, sorry for so much information, I am just upset and scared for what my future holds with her not to mention adjusting to my health news. If any of you have experience with this and can share your story, it would be helpful to me. I just don't know how things will go and would like to hear the good and the bad so at least I am a little more prepared. It's hard to love so much and hurt so much at the same time. God bless all of you here in need.

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34 minutes ago, SURPRISE said:

I have posted here before back in 2015 I think about my wife drinking and cheating. Since it all came out we have been really happy for the most part. She still falls off the wagon from time to time and I try to set boundaries but we keep ending back in the same place. A while back she started getting angry when she gets drunk. I think it might be from resentment that I won't let her get drunk all the time. I make her wait till the weekend and have a couple instead of going off the deep end fighting all night and messing up my work day the next day. We have had a few major alcohol periods but she would get through them and be OK for a while. She did go to AAA after the drinking and cheating period but not since then. She was even in an auto accident in Oct 2019 when a tow truck ran a stop sign at full speed and totaled her new car and broker her wrist and arm. She could have easily died. The driver ran up to her window after the accident and she gave him a bag with alcohol in it and told him to get rid of it because I would be mad and she's not allowed to have it. He took it to his truck and later gave it to the police at the station trying to say it was her fault. Luckily she had not been drinking but the Police showed up at our house and asked her if it were hers. I was so angry and humiliated that in a time she could die with a major accident and shes's waiting for an ambulance still in her car, she has to get rid of something bad she was doing. It was heartbreaking to say the least. Anyway, now to this week, I was diagnosed with an ascending aorta aneurism. That means I have to watch my blood pressure and the inner wall tear of my aorta because it can get bigger and or rupture. After a lot of tests, my doctor confirmed everything and I have to start living life not being able to lift more then 10 or 20 lbs or risk damaging my aorta which is really upsetting since I am 6' and 180lb fit and can't even lift the dog food or a suit case without a risk. Obviously it was a stressful week leading up to find out exactly how bad it is and I had confided in her about my fear of dying not for myself but not being there for my family. So I go home and that night my wife sneaks some kind of alcohol substitute name Cava or something and gets 3 times the legal limit. She blames it on me being upset and totally distorts what happened talking about it after the doctors appointment. Then she proceeds to start to fight with me and always turns the focus to my taking prescribed pain medication for a bad disc in my back and stenosis (pinched spinal nerve) like I have a heavy drug problem and she's fine (thank god I have never had an addictive personality and I'm careful to make sure I'm OK since people get hooked on this stuff easily). Then when that doesn't work, she starts mocking me about my fear of dying with the aneurism and I got really upset, sick about how cold she was being and felt horrible so I took my blood pressure and I was 164/138. That is way above the ER trip threshold and I immediately took some more blood pressure medication and laid down praying nothing bad was going to happen. She says she is going to get dressed in case she needs to take me to the ER and takes off upstairs. She leaves me there by myself for 20 minutes. If I had something bad happen, I would have been on my own. She comes downstairs with her keys and all dressed and ask me if I want her to take me to the hospital. By that time, I had gotten my blood pressure back under control and I made her blow in the breathalyzer. She is more then 2 times the legal limit and says she's not drunk and is ready to drive. I tell her we can't argue or I seriously risk the possibility of dying and she just seems irritated. She goes back up and goes to sleep. She comes back down and apologizes about 3 in the morning for everything. We have a big talk the next day about our rules of not drinking during the weekday. Keep in mind, I always let her have a CBD THC pot gummy in the evening if she wants because she doesn't fight when she has one. Anyway, she seems remorseful and seems to understand what she did and she comes downstairs tonight and I see eyes don't look right so I make her blow in the breathalyzer again and she's almost 3 times the legal limit again. She started to argue that she doesn't understand why she can't have a bottle of wine if she's at home and not driving anywhere despite my explaining that we have rules with alcohol so they don't affect my job or our boys on a school night. My sons are 18 and 15. Anyway, I remained calm and am on heavier blood pressure medication but my blood pressure still jumps 10 points and I feel out of control. She went to bed and I am still up thinking about everything. I am reaching my wits end and I love this woman so much. I am 51 and she is 55. Our life is great. She has been a stay at home mom now for almost 16 years and never wants for anything. She is the sweetest kindest person I have ever met until she drinks and then she is just getting meaner and meaner. I have told her that this is ruining our relationship and she needs to stop because I don't want to wake up one day and want or need to leave. Yet, it keeps happening over and over. I am not sure what to do about it. I have never had her remorseful and turn around and do it two days later knowing what it did to me as well. I have been sitting here thinking about how I can handle it. My only thoughts are that my home needs to become 100% dry. Family, friends and our pastor need to know what is going on and what I am dealing with. I need their help to make sure she doesn't hide and drink alcohol even at their get togethers etc. I know, I thought about just letting her have the pot gummies in moderation but without them, she still drinks whenever she can and I fear she would just drink on top of the pot which could probably be dangerous. I can't seem to find anyway around this and I am afraid of what it means for us socially. Our friends are various level drinkers so this could seriously impact our social life and that could lead to depression for her. She has asked about getting a job again since our kids are older now but I fear she would just be out drinking whenever she could and when I am not around her, I am still seriously concerned about her drinking too much and cheating again. She blamed the cheating on alcohol in the first place back in 2015 so I really fear her falling in to that and I could not take it this time. It took every ounce of my being to just be able to get past her infidelities last time which included about everything ... telling someone she loved them ... except actual intercourse thank God who get scared some times when they hear us fight because she won't be quiet when she's drunk. I don't think I could have made it through that kids or not. To top it all off, this is both of our second marriages. We only have 2 kids and they were together. Her ex husband had a major drug addiction and would disappear for the week and then just show up. She should be better aware of what she is doing to me when she is sober and out buying alcohol. Anyway, sorry for so much information, I am just upset and scared for what my future holds with her not to mention adjusting to my health news. If any of you have experience with this and can share your story, it would be helpful to me. I just don't know how things will go and would like to hear the good and the bad so at least I am a little more prepared. It's hard to love so much and hurt so much at the same time. God bless all of you here in need.

Take better care of yourself. Stop micromanaging her life, pot gummies and alcohol intake.

You're enabling her. Next time go to an ER if you have stroke or ruptured aneurysm level BP.

She's not killing you, you're killing yourself undermanaging your life and micromanaging her alcohol.

It's unclear why divorce is not a consideration. Can you afford an attorney?

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18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Take better care of yourself. Stop micromanaging her life, pot gummies and alcohol intake.

You're enabling her. Next time go to an ER if you have stroke or ruptured aneurysm level BP.

She's not killing you, you're killing yourself undermanaging your life and micromanaging her alcohol.

It's unclear why divorce is not a consideration. Can you afford an attorney?

Thank you for your reply. If I let go of some control, it will get really bad.

I can afford an attorney but she is such an amazing person when she doesn't drink and I love her intensely. She shows me she loves me the same way sober so it's confusing. I hate who she becomes on alcohol. She is not drunk all the time but here and there when she thinks she won't get caught. I have caught her twice this week so far and last Friday she drank almost a whole bottle of wine when I stepped out the hotel room for literally 2 minutes. It messed up some special time and we had a long talk and she was really sorry and I think she was. I'm still trying to salvage this for many reasons. I just have other factors to worry about and this repeat behavior and remorse is closer together then it has ever been so I want to know others experiences and opinions to try to be better prepared for what can or may happen. Thank you.

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Her alcohol is her problem, not yours to "father" should I say.

Let her go. Stop with the limits. Let go until she maybe hits a wall one day and realized why she drinks and that she needs to get back on her feet.

Aka This isn't something you can battle. It's on her.

This is a time in your life in which you need to "take a stand". You tell her that you're fighting for you guys and for the family. Is she in it? What's her stand? (It takes two to do this). If she goes off, or says anything than yes, then unfortunately, you'll have to separate for both of your own good. I'm sorry, but even if she's the sweetest person- that's not enough. She has her own problems to deal with and she's being dismissive of your needs/ blames it on you. She doesn't care enough. And it's affecting everyone in the house, specially the kids (and you're very sick too!!)

Take a stand.

Take care of you.

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I am sorry, but I fail to see how she is so amazing person. She had an accident and her first instict was to have somebody that she doesnt even know hide her alcohol. That diastolic pressure of yours was very high and yes, you should immediately go to ER for that. And she was unable to get you there. On top of that she just switched alcohol with THC and you were fine with her doing that and even enabling it. She is a s h i t show. And she needs to lay off alcohol completely. There are people who can control alcohol. Like people who drink socially and who dont cause troubles. She cant, she is an alcoholic in the true meaning of that word. She cant live without it, when she is without alcohol she needs THC or more alcohol. That means that she needs very serious help. And that you should try to get her that help and not enabling her bad habits. If she cant or wont do that, I am sorry, but just leave her. With your blood pressure and heart troubles, she will lead you to an early grave if she continues to do what she does now.

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1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Her alcohol is her problem, not yours to "father" should I say.

Let her go. Stop with the limits. Let go until she maybe hits a wall one day and realized why she drinks and that she needs to get back on her feet.

Aka This isn't something you can battle. It's on her.

This is a time in your life in which you need to "take a stand". You tell her that you're fighting for you guys and for the family. Is she in it? What's her stand? (It takes two to do this). If she goes off, or says anything than yes, then unfortunately, you'll have to separate for both of your own good. I'm sorry, but even if she's the sweetest person- that's not enough. She has her own problems to deal with and she's being dismissive of your needs/ blames it on you. She doesn't care enough. And it's affecting everyone in the house, specially the kids (and you're very sick too!!)

Take a stand.

Take care of you.

Thank you for your feedback. I believe she cares but gives in to cravings and maybe it's my fault for going to long trying to help her handle it. I have to make some hard decisions and am just trying to get my thoughts organized to do what's best for my kids and my marriage at the same time.

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I couldn’t even get half way through your post because her behaviour was so appalling. You need to STOP being in denial. She is not a great person. Divorce and getting custody of your minor child should be your biggest consideration. 
 

This woman’s behaviour and your sticking around is going to kill you. 

Edited by Seraphim
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1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

I am sorry, but I fail to see how she is so amazing person. She had an accident and her first instict was to have somebody that she doesnt even know hide her alcohol. That diastolic pressure of yours was very high and yes, you should immediately go to ER for that. And she was unable to get you there. On top of that she just switched alcohol with THC and you were fine with her doing that and even enabling it. She is a s h i t show. And she needs to lay off alcohol completely. There are people who can control alcohol. Like people who drink socially and who dont cause troubles. She cant, she is an alcoholic in the true meaning of that word. She cant live without it, when she is without alcohol she needs THC or more alcohol. That means that she needs very serious help. And that you should try to get her that help and not enabling her bad habits. If she cant or wont do that, I am sorry, but just leave her. With your blood pressure and heart troubles, she will lead you to an early grave if she continues to do what she does now.

Part of the reason for the THC CBD is residual pain from her car accident. She just finished rehabilitation for it and there are some lingering issues. The truth is that I am just getting to the point of being able to spot her intoxication. She is really good at making me think she's fine. That means that I really don't know how bad the problem is yet. I just know it's been 3 times I caught her in 6 days now and that's new. I know my health is now going to become an issue to factor in so I'm dealing with a lot of factors for the first time and trying to make sure I don't regret any of my actions. I am seriously afraid that leaving her could expose her to seriously hurting herself and that would be my worst nightmare. Thank you for your feedback.

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3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I couldn’t even get half way through your post because her behaviour was so appalling. You need to STOP being in denial. She is not a great person. Divorce and getting custody of your minor child should be your biggest consideration. 
 

This woman’s behaviour and your sticking around is going to kill you. 

I know when I wrote it all down it kinda sunk in because I try to deal with one day at a time. She really is amazing and then the alcohol hits and she's horrible. It's been here and there that I've caught her drunk and so now it's been 3 times in 6 days that I know of and she has been mean 2 out of the 3. Tonight she started to argue and I would not go further and she went to bed. I need to sit down with her and see if she's willing to go to rehab again and go from there. Thank you for taking the time to both read and reply.

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2 minutes ago, SURPRISE said:

Part of the reason for the THC CBD is residual pain from her car accident. She just finished rehabilitation for it and there are some lingering issues. The truth is that I am just getting to the point of being able to spot her intoxication. She is really good at making me think she's fine. That means that I really don't know how bad the problem is yet. I just know it's been 3 times I caught her in 6 days now and that's new. I know my health is now going to become an issue to factor in so I'm dealing with a lot of factors for the first time and trying to make sure I don't regret any of my actions. I am seriously afraid that leaving her could expose her to seriously hurting herself and that would be my worst nightmare. Thank you for your feedback.

This is NOT about residual pain she IS A SUBSTANCE ADDICT. Any substance that makes her feel good she would take it. 
Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Because this is it. 

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2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

This is NOT about residual pain she IS A SUBSTANCE ADDICT. Any substance that makes her feel good she would take it. 
Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Because this is it. 

She does have pain but I'm sure you're right, she needs something and I need to make our home a non alchemist hol or THC place.

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1 minute ago, SURPRISE said:

She does have pain but I'm sure you're right, she needs something and I need to make our home a non alchemist hol or THC place.

I have many conditions that cause a lot of pain. I am not a substance abuser even though I do have an addictive personality . She is at the point where she looks for other substances because you won’t let her drink . That is REALLY BAD. You are at a crossroads here. 

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3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I have many conditions that cause a lot of pain. I am not a substance abuser even though I do have an addictive personality . She is at the point where she looks for other substances because you won’t let her drink . That is REALLY BAD. You are at a crossroads here. 

I get that. I can tell things are different and I'm just trying to get my bearings ans make good decisions for us all. Thank you.

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You yourself can go to AA or Al-anon meetings and talk to those who can give you guidance. It's not just for alcoholics. You are welcome to attend any meeting 24-7. Please make that call.

Edited by smackie9
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You need to accept that you cannot police her, control her, or fix her.

The conversation to have is what is she going to do about her addiction? Will she commit to rehab and don't waste time on anything less than 90 days? Will she work with a psychiatrist to get to the root cause of her issues? Will she take meds, do therapy, follow through on any rehab requirements for life?

The thing is that she has to decide that she wants to be 100% sober and drug free, be it alcohol or anything else, because the work is on her and her alone and it is hard. She will never stop being an addict and staying away will be her life long struggle. She has to want sobriety bad enough for anything to work. Right now.....you are wanting it for her while she is doing everything she can to evade you.

If deep down she doesn't want to be sober, then you are wasting your life and health trying to make this work. It's not going to and you need to stop and start taking care of yourself and your own health for your children's sake. I also think you need to look into codependence for yourself because you are putting up with a lot of abuse, lies, cheating....for what exactly? The chaos has affected your physical health and it is affecting your children as well and yet you can't walk away because love? That's not healthy love, that's codependence.

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4 hours ago, SURPRISE said:

I'm just trying to get my bearings ans make good decisions for us all.

Your wife refuses to make good decisions, your kids are innocent victims of her alcoholism and your denial of it. On top of that you're feeding her weed gummies so she's not a pain in your neck?

Read up about Al-Anon, a support group for families of alcoholics. Is bizarre you refuse to insist on detox/rehab. One day she'll be on a slab or kill a child driving drunk and that's ok with you?

Edited by Wiseman2
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You have to consider how trying to force your wife to be sober is affecting your health. After all, who will care for and provide for your 15 year old if your wife is in prison for vehicular manslaughter after she slams into a car filled with a family while driving drunk and kills them and you're hospitalized (or worse) after suffering a stroke or massive heart attack? Your older child shouldn't be given that responsibility.

You know for a fact you can't force your wife to stop drinking. She is an addict and will not stop without professional help. So it's time to think about yourself and your children.

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7 hours ago, SURPRISE said:

I make her blow in the breathalyzer again and she's almost 3 times the legal limit again. She started to argue that she doesn't understand why she can't have a bottle of wine if she's at home and not driving anywhere despite my explaining that we have rules with alcohol so they don't affect my job or our boys on a school night

Like you said, you wan it dry and  this to be no more.. but she can't & she won't.

This is a true alcoholic and this is how they are.

All this is doing is affecting YOU & your health, as it's nothing but stress on you and your family unit 😕 

No use continuing to argue with someone like this.. it gets you nowhere, repeatedly.

I feel you are plenty aware of all of this, as you've experienced it for long enough.. so why is it you're still there?

She will not stop.  Not unless or until SHE feels she wants to.  Only then, will anything succeed for her.

 

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@SURPRISEI know you have a good heart and keep on justifying her behaviour. But you can't justify the unjustifiable here.

She is an adult acting the way she does in all her will. This is who she is and who you keep refusing on accepting.

When you were ill, and your blood sugar was sky rocketing, was she there for you?

No.

She left you and went upstairs instead of being near you to make sure you don't pass out/have an emergency. That's enough. Twice.

It's just who she is. No ultimatum here. You take a stand. Is she with you in this or not? Does she want to work on this and save the family? I imagine your kids must feel defeated when they see you accepting intolerable behaviour.

It's about time. For you. Your marriage. Your kids. Show them that there's a better way out there. That they deserve a happy and healthy home with happy and responsible adults. Happy.

Change is in your hand now.

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On 10/8/2021 at 5:40 AM, Seraphim said:

I have many conditions that cause a lot of pain. I am not a substance abuser even though I do have an addictive personality . She is at the point where she looks for other substances because you won’t let her drink . That is REALLY BAD. You are at a crossroads here. 

Thank you. I know something has to drastically change. She is saying she will do anything it takes so we will see how it goes now.

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On 10/8/2021 at 8:16 AM, DancingFool said:

You need to accept that you cannot police her, control her, or fix her.

The conversation to have is what is she going to do about her addiction? Will she commit to rehab and don't waste time on anything less than 90 days? Will she work with a psychiatrist to get to the root cause of her issues? Will she take meds, do therapy, follow through on any rehab requirements for life?

The thing is that she has to decide that she wants to be 100% sober and drug free, be it alcohol or anything else, because the work is on her and her alone and it is hard. She will never stop being an addict and staying away will be her life long struggle. She has to want sobriety bad enough for anything to work. Right now.....you are wanting it for her while she is doing everything she can to evade you.

If deep down she doesn't want to be sober, then you are wasting your life and health trying to make this work. It's not going to and you need to stop and start taking care of yourself and your own health for your children's sake. I also think you need to look into codependence for yourself because you are putting up with a lot of abuse, lies, cheating....for what exactly? The chaos has affected your physical health and it is affecting your children as well and yet you can't walk away because love? That's not healthy love, that's codependence.

Thank you for your feedback. She is willing to do anything so we'll see how it goes. We need to make big lifestyle changes that will affect us drastically socially so it's going to be challenging. She is a selfless person when not drinking. I can't think of anyone who has a better relationship then we do aside from the alcohol problem, so that is in reality what I am fighting for. I've been married before, dated hundreds of women and she is unique in so many ways. I guess that's why I have always accepted that everything is not 100% perfect with this flaw. In any event, I am going to see how she handles everything moving forward and she has no problem with me giving her a regular breathalyzer test to keep her honest. If she can't manage it on her own, then she will either have to go to rehab or find somewhere else to live until she gets her act together. You're right, I need to change too and protect my health as well. I will not go back to how things have been so I fell that I am moving in the right direction. I am praying she is being honest with both me and herself moving forward. Thanks again.

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23 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Your wife refuses to make good decisions, your kids are innocent victims of her alcoholism and your denial of it. On top of that you're feeding her weed gummies so she's not a pain in your neck?

Read up about Al-Anon, a support group for families of alcoholics. Is bizarre you refuse to insist on detox/rehab. One day she'll be on a slab or kill a child driving drunk and that's ok with you?

I have not really denied it, I have just tried to work with her to try to maintain some sort of normalcy and she's getting out of hand again. I am one who understands the relaxation of a drink after work and kicking back so I didn't want to fully take that off the table. I believe she will have to deal with a lot of issues being unhappy with no "escape" so to say. I am fully aware that things have to change and have sat down with her to go over everything so she knows we can't continue this way. The bottom line is that none of this is acceptable and she has to do what it takes or move out. She understands and agrees with what I am saying. Now I have to see what she does about it.

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On 10/8/2021 at 7:49 AM, smackie9 said:

You yourself can go to AA or Al-anon meetings and talk to those who can give you guidance. It's not just for alcoholics. You are welcome to attend any meeting 24-7. Please make that call.

Thank you, I plan to. I know that talking with others in the same situation is knowledge which is what I need so I see all variables and possibilities based on my choices on how to handle this all. 

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