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Anxious about moving out


survivor2021
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I just started a new job in a different city after graduating. The city is 60 Km from my parents home so it's possible to come and go to work from there, but tiring. I tried it for one month and then I decided to move out to the city where I work. I thought about renting an apartment with some friends, but I kept being stood up. So finally I found a small room with a good price, with people I don't know, in a nice place and I was happy because I found a solution to my problem. I was excited to start this new life, new step, new phase of life ... 

But all of these feelings were converted to anxiety, fear and doubt once I found myself inside the apartment ... I started having second thoughts because I was going to be away from my parents, my family, with strangers and not even friends. The worst part is that I thought I got used to this, because as a student in the university, I moved out too and lived with friends and these feelings came accross me but I got used to it. But this time, it's different. The place is different, good but not as great as the other one where I used to live. I'm also alone, living with strangers and not friends.

I hate it when I second guess myself, espacially after making life changing decisions. I thought I was prepared, but now here I am. Due to the Coronavirus, I got to work and study remotely from home for two years. I felt fortunate for getting this oppurtunity but with time, it became stressful and I started hating the 100% remote work and looked for other opportunities.

If this is how I feel about a 60km distant city, than what about my dream of working abroad ? How will I feel when I go to a different country, with a different culture, and different language ? Damn it ...

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Well, you're in it now. No sense in giving up and turning back--that would just be demoralizing and feed into your anxiety even more. I think if you stay the course, the new strange things will become familiar and the anxiety will fade. Do you feel any sense of adventure or excitement over these new prospects?

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This really is about one day at a time and one foot in front of the other - resist the long range overthinking and what ifs.  I moved 10 miles from my parents after grad school -I was 28.  I moved in part so I could walk to work and be in the heart of a city teeming with singles.  I didn't realize how important the independence was to my growth.  I did go away for college but only for one semester and was bullied and harassed by my suitemates.  Horrible experience.  When I moved out I got my own place -so I can't really speak to roommates! I hope you stay.  It's hard to resist the anxious thoughts but I would make that my absolute goal.  There are many good apps from what I know to guide your thinking -when I went to college it was many years pre internet and when I moved out I had no internet in my apartment, no cell - so use the technology to your advantage!

 

Good luck!!

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With age comes wisdom.  This is all new to you and it takes time to become comfortable in a new place and that is what you are experiencing. Dont give up.  make friends with your roomies.  Make friends where you work.  

In a short time you should feel much more relaxed and when it's time to move abroad you won't think twice!!

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Depending on roads and traffic 60km is not that much. I have a friend that travels twice that much because his wife has a good job in different city and he wanted to live with her. So one of them would have to travel either way and he decided it should be him. Travel expanses are paid here so its mostly just time consuming. Anyway, since you probably dont have that kind of tie-ins aside of your family, yes, at least from point of time, its easier to move and just live there. So take advantage of that decision. Why not meet new people? You said your roomates are strangers but they dont have to be. Try to get to know them, maybe they are cool to hang out. Maybe some colleague of yours would like to show you the city you are in? Or how about you discovering what it has to offer? Maybe there is a good food somewhere? Or some kind of social event you like to see like music concert or just something else you enjoy? If its a big city it would have at least something of an interest to offer you. And dont worry, slowly you will accommodate to a new city and will not be so "homesick". 

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Give yourself at least a year to acclimate and get used to a new neighbourhood and new people. Make a point to be friendly and polite to your neighbours. Even if they don't know you or you're an unfamiliar face, others will recognize you in time. 

Focus on your new job too and remind yourself of your reason for moving. It wasn't to make friends. It was to lessen the commute time, less fatigue and for convenience too. Now  that you have extra time on your hands will you waste it? What will you do with the extra time when you would have been commuting? Use your time wisely. You have an excess of it now.  

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It's change.. and it's hard sometimes, the transition.

My son had to do this as .. I know he was stressed as well 😕 .

Give it some more time to adjust.   Maybe take a walk now & then around the town, around the block. See what's around you? And see who is around you...

Getting a little exercise is always good and helps release the stress.  And you might meet up with some decent people, make a couple new friends, etc.

In time, you may be okay.. and in time you may end up looking for something else and no longer be in that area.

Give it some time to adjust, maybe look up 'local friends groups'? 

 

 

 

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The good news is, you're close enough to your family to go there on weekends or even several days a week until you feel more comfortable.

If this room doesn't end up feeling more comfortable, seek another living situation.

Sometimes it's just not the right chemistry or energy with housemates. Give yourself enough time to learn whether you'll start to feel better or worse. If worse, spend your evenings and weekends shopping for something better.

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