Getting ghosted

[Jsea87]

So I’ve been dating a girl for 2 years and as of about a month and a half ago we stayed with each other every single night.. then on the night of my birthday party she didn’t want to come Bc my sister and her are not very fond of each other so she instead chooses to not hangout with me after the party but to go to the club with a male “friend”… this led to her wanting a break to figure out somethings in her life.. so I’ve seen her about 3 times in a month and every time I stay at her house and things seem “normal” but as soon as I leave she’s right back to barly communicating, until Thursday..I had to drop something off at her house and saw her for about ten minutes and she hugged me and laid her head into my chest and then I left.. the following night I asked if she wanted to hangout and she said she had plans with her parents and I said fine.. the next day I tried again to hangout with her and she got upset and blocked me and the only thing I have heard from her since Saturday morning is an email stating she would talk to me when she feels like it… help internet I don’t want to lose her but may be too late 

[Kwothe28]

Technically speaking she just refuses to talk to you. Getting "ghosted" would be if you never heard from her again. Like this she did contacted you and she will probably contact after she cools down. 

Anyway, its certanly silly. I mean OK, you maybe said something to her during the second time that we are not aware, but its still silly. That birthday thing, I wouldnt tolerate at all. Her and your sis might as well be mortal enemies, but both should still be there for you. There is no excuse for that. So I would really think if its worth to be with somebody who refuses to come to her boyfriend birthday party and instead goes out somewhere else. 

[Jsea87]

I hope cools down doesn’t mean move on.. all I asked her for was a talk when things felt like they were going south.. and I understand I shouldn’t tolerate that but sometimes we do dumb things for the ones we love I guess 

[Andrina]

I understand that you care about her, but why would you want someone back who treats you this way? You don't deserve that after 2 years of dating and it sounds like you haven't done anything egregious like cheating or being verbally or physically abusive.

I'm guessing you two are young, and to me, it sounds like she wants to sow her wild oats before settling down to forever with someone. You need more life experience and dating experiences yourself if you think so low of yourself to think this okay. Because you do think this is okay if you'd continue on with someone who treats you like crap. 

I don't know what your rules are for opposite sex friends, but if you're not okay with one-on-one time with them, then don't date women who don't share your views. But anyway, it sounds like her friend is really a love interest. 

She's very immature and lacks empathy. When you get time and distance away, you will shake your head at why you wanted to remain with a gf who could treat you so coldly.

[Wiseman2]

59 minutes ago, Jsea87 said:

my sister and her are not very fond of each other so she instead chooses to not hangout with me after the party but to go to the club with a male “friend”

Sorry this happened. How old is she?

How did this bad blood between your family and her start. Seems like n more to that story if she refused to attend your bday party.

 As far as her clubbing friend it seems she's giving him a test drive. Often "figure out my life" means that type of thing.

 All you can do is lay back and give her space.

[Jsea87]

She’s 28 and I’m 34… things didn’t start off serious but then “she” wanted it to be so I literally did everything I could for her insecurities..as for the sister thing my girl was mad that I had female friends on my social media even tho I don’t interact with them and pretty much made me delete them no matter who they were which created bad blood between my sister and I.. if it is a life long male friends then I have no problem with them grabbing lunch or something thin not the club or bars.. sorry lol I ran through red flags apparently it just sucks I get no explination 

[SooSad33]

I second what Wiseman said.. You lay off & let her 'figure' her stuff out. ( never chase or beg for attention).

Sounds like she's got some things 'going on' up there and she is possibly second guessing things with you 😕 .

Anyone who 'blocks' me is never getting my attention again.

 

[SooSad33]

27 minutes ago, Jsea87 said:

I literally did everything I could for her insecurities..as for the sister thing my girl was mad that I had female friends on my social media even tho I don’t interact with them and pretty much made me delete them no matter who they were which created bad blood between my sister and I..

Ok, this is jealousy and controlling.  You do NOT owe this to her.  This is on her!

You can have whomever you want as 'friends'.. geeze.

Is maybe best she is gone.  Don't let people control you.

 

[Rose Mosse]

What does your sister have anything to do with whether you have female friends on social media or not? She sounds meddlesome and annoying. Better boundaries are needed. 

Your girlfriend sounds like she finds you both incompatible and you're drifting apart. Let her go. Don't stop someone from leaving your life if they wish to do so. You may also find it so much more peaceful afterwards. You may have to date someone who's more like you.

You're working on the basis of fear of loss. It's you responding to a void, not on the merit of the person infront of you. She could be completely incompatible or she may dislike you and the loss of that person is a complete gain. Not a loss.

The email is a clear answer to any questions you might have had. She doesn't want you to contact her and she intends to move on. Emailing someone these days is quite drastic as people text message each other all kinds of info. For her to email you specifically that she would talk to you when she feels like it is her saying, "Stay out of my life. If our paths cross again, I'll be the one to reach out to you." Now you are free to decide if she is worth keeping that door open for. Avoid traveling in circles.

[Jsea87]

I don’t want our relationship to be done.. I wanted to understand what was going on that driver her to apparently stop loving me.. maybe Bc I put my foot down.. still no word from her.. I was thinking about mailing a note I wrote a couple of days ago but seems like it may be a bad idea.. 

[melancholy123]

You said you dont want to lose her but I think you already have.  She's just not into you like you are into her.

[melancholy123]

22 hours ago, Jsea87 said:

She’s 28 and I’m 34… things didn’t start off serious but then “she” wanted it to be so I literally did everything I could for her insecurities..as for the sister thing my girl was mad that I had female friends on my social media even tho I don’t interact with them and pretty much made me delete them no matter who they were which created bad blood between my sister and I.. if it is a life long male friends then I have no problem with them grabbing lunch or something thin not the club or bars.. sorry lol I ran through red flags apparently it just sucks I get no explination 

Ridiculous.  She's trying to control who your friends are and who you interact with.  This won't get better if she's the petty jealous type which she sounds like to me.

[lostandhurt]

Wait what?  She gets to go clubbing with a male "friend" but you aren't allowed females on your social media?  Double standards and no trust don't make for good relationships.

It sounds like once you grew a backbone she started looking for your replacement.

Leave her alone and see what happens.  IF she comes around and wants to talk then you better know what you want to say.

My best advice is to not try and convince her of anything, just tell her how you think a healthy relationship should be and then ask her if she wants that too.  So far all you have done is kiss her butt so she would be happy but at what cost?

  I am not sure why you want her back after the way she treated you.

 Lost 

[Jsea87]

I couldn’t even tell you. I’m a super nice guy that never met a stranger.. but your right as soon as I stood up for myself it was a game changer.. I’d like to hope she didn’t have a backup plan but nowadays with social media and knowing her I was blind.. maybe that’s how she’s just so easily over me .. cheer guess it’s time to go surfing and enjoy my life again.. 

[MissCanuck]

On 10/4/2021 at 9:47 PM, Jsea87 said:

help internet I don’t want to lose her

She's already gone, man. 

This relationship is over and she is being incredibly immature about it.