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My boyfriend has a fling before.... I wanna know her name


Winteraxy
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My boyfriend honestly tell me he had a fling before. He gave me some details about it but not so much. I don't know what to think about this fling so I tried to forget it because it brings my mood down. But then, he unconsciously bring the topic where he said some details about their sex, and I told him to stop cause I don't like it. 

So after that he never mention about the girl, but suddenly I became curious. I don't know what to do, I want to know the whole story about them and I want to know how they ended to an argument but I was kind of afraid to asked. I want to know the girl's name but knowing him I think he wouldn't tell me. I wanted to asked him but I don't know if I should ask because I know it wouldn't do anything good but I can't help thinking about it.

 

Kindly please tell me what should I do.

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36 minutes ago, Winteraxy said:

he unconsciously bring the topic where he said some details about their sex

That is rude and inconsiderate of him. He's still into her.

And, Knowing her name changes nothing because your bf is the problem here.

I would step out if I were you. You deserve better.

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1 hour ago, Winteraxy said:

. He gave me some details about it but not so much.  . I want to know the girl's name .

How long have you been dating? What led you to discuss each other's pasts?

Knowing who she is won't help you feel more secure with him or in yourself.

Your relationship seems stressful to you. Is that because he talks about his sexual conquests or is there a jealousy situation?

Rethink any relationship that makes you feel bad or feel compared to others.

Is he still involved with her?

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He should not be bringing up details of their sex life. I am glad you put a stop to that. 

But the rest of it is not your business. You don't need to know her name, or why they ended. Or anything else about her.  As long as he is not still into her and not in any communication with her, you need to drop this. 

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You've told him not to mention her again so let it be. Somehow you'll have to accept that he's had a past before you and other partners. People mention this sometimes without thinking. Granted, it was rude but you both may be very young and there's room to learn for everyone no matter where we are at in life.

Let it go. If you find your mind thinking one way, change that and think of things differently. Keep doing it until you retrain yourself out of that obsession or recurring thought. 

It's another matter if you don't sense you can trust him or if he's not a great guy overall. If you sense that don't date him anymore. You don't need to discuss his past love life for that.

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Why does it matter if it was before you two? Are you generally a jealous type so it bothers you? It was probably just a sex thing and if its still going he would have never told you but hide it from you. So, let that jealous thoughts go.

However, not cool of him mentioning sex details. Its a "locker room" talk, like when boys get together and talk about sexual conquests thing. Its not something that you should really tell your girlfriend about. So I would beware of that. 

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Are you saying he cheated on you, or that this fling was before you?

There's nothing unconcious about mentioning your past sex-life; though if it was a previous relationship then it's not too big an issue, you told him you were uncomfortable with it and that was the end of it. If he was cheating on you then it's highly inconsiderate of him to talk and possibly something I'd end a relationship over.

Either way, knowing her name won't help you in any way, it will just make you more curious and more insecure. Presumably the next step would involve searching for her on social media, comparing yourself to her etc?

If he did cheat on you then it just makes it sound even more like the best thing for you is to end the relationship, because you'll never be OK with what he did (and that's OK). If he didn't... well, just try and do your best to challenge these insecurities and not let them eat away at you. Was he your first or did you have sexual partners before him?

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10 hours ago, Winteraxy said:

So after that he never mention about the girl, but suddenly I became curious. I don't know what to do

You leave him.

I don't know how long you two have been dating? But, if a BF wants to sleep around, let him.

Just don't sit around awaiting any answers on it.

IF this was before you, it doesn't matter.   You leave it alone.

 

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Everyone has a past. Some people expect full disclosure, some don't. He thought it would be something you would want to know. You told him to not to tell you more about it, so he respectfully stopped. This is now a non issue. As the saying goes curiosity killed the cat. Don't dwell on this any further or it will kill your relationship.

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