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What exactly does "connection" mean?


SilverFactory
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4 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

That's exactly my guess as well. She had mentioned that she was in a relationship with a Hindi speaking guy for a very long time but they broke up. Then she got married to another Hindi speaking guy and that ended in a divorce. I am not a Hindi speaking guy so may be she is just not able to relate to me

I was very suspicious about the migraine as well. We had been speaking over the phone for around 2 months before meeting and not once she mentioned that she gets migraines... and she conveniently gets one on the day we were supposed to go to NYC together

I think you’re vastly overthinking this.  Most often it’s nothing personal and it’s highly typical for a great first or second date not to go to a next date. For many reasons.  Example - many years ago I had a first meet.  Coffee. But it lasted over two hours. He then asked if he could walk me home (no he wasn’t looking to be invited to my place). I told him I was stopping for groceries on the way home.  He asked if he could come.  I smiled and said no I don’t grocery shop on the first date.  I also told him I had a really nice time and it was obvious to him I was interested.  
I never heard from him.  Was I surprised ? A little.  My guy friend told me not to call him.  I’d made it clear I was interested and would enjoy seeing him again.  I wasn’t shocked.  Apparently he enjoyed my company that particular evening.  And decided for whatever reason not to ask me out on a date.  I moved on in my head probably within five minutes of asking my guy friend his advice. 

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7 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I found meeting people in a bar or club scene IRL to be the same and without being able to screen for basic things in common.  I did both.  I didn't focus on photos.  I met in real life ASAP with the website just being the way to make a first contact.

The big difference is that in the bar or club scene, there are no preconceived notions about what the people you meet are SUPPOSED to look like i.e. it removes the whole "do they look like their pictures?" evaluation which is all the first meeting is about anyway.

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This is really simple.

She was not as into you as you were into her.  She met you in person and gave it a shot to see if sparks flew and when none did she had a headache and then picked the shortest possible meeting (coffee) to close out your visit to NJ.

This happens all the time but it usually closer to home like 30-45 mins away.

If you are going to try and meet women more than 3 hours away you need to start video chatting with them over a few weeks to a few months BEFORE you get plain tickets.

Unfortunately this is dating. It happens to everyone not just you.

From what you wrote I think you dodged a bullet on this one anyways.  Most people are on the very best behavior on first dates so could you imagine what she is like after she is comfortable around you?  Yikes!

Don't give up but don't rush into these things either with that much distance and possible language barrier.

Lost

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22 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

Why would I talk to a woman on the other side of the coast if I am able to meet someone locally? I am just not able to, so whatever match I am getting I am just accepting and giving it a fair shot

I feel very bad not so much for the time and money that I invested in this woman but rather it is yet another rejection dished out when I don't believe I did anything wrong. We didn't have a single misunderstanding or fight or any boring moments during those 4 days. It went really well or at least I thought so. To do all that I could possibly do and then be told "I don't feel the connection" just hurts. It just plain hurts. I am 46 years old, I don't have much time 

You're not giving it 'a fair shot...,' you're over-investing. That may come off as desperate.

As for the lack of connection, if you're going to date, you'll need a thicker skin, because MOST people are NOT our match.

We do not connect with most people. Finding a 'connection' is like finding a needle in the haystack--it is RARE.

This doesn't mean that it's impossible to find, but if you're going to be hurt every time someone doesn't want to FORCE a match, then you are going to suffer needlessly, and a lot.

Unless and until you can grasp that ONLY the RIGHT person will be able to 'see' and appreciate your unique value--which is exactly the thing that makes her the right match for you--then you will doom yourself to self-torture over and over again.

We all need to date a lot of people before we stumble across the right match. That doesn't speak of any deficiency in you--or in anyone else. It's a level playing field.

And if you think that this comes from someone who doesn't understand, I'm much older than you, and I've always been single. it's not that I 'cannot' find dates or even a relationship, but rather, I'm happy enough solo to hold out for the RIGHT person. Even then, I may not marry.

Ask yourself whenever you see an elderly couple enjoying one another whether or not they may have just met. Never assume that happiness 'must' come before a certain date. That will drive you nuts.

Head high, and do whatever it takes to change your mentality to move beyond desperation. Because frankly, it's NOT ATTRACTIVE, and it will harm your chances with anyone who might have otherwise enjoyed getting to know you if you weren't so single-mindedly focused on forcing a match.

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4 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

No connection = no chemistry.  After meeting she didn't feel as into you as you were into her

Yea. Exactly. At least she was honest with him. And, I don't think it has to do with hindi and all those details.

I feel like OP went with the expectation that she'll be the one. But that's not the mindset/expectation to have when "dating".

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 9/28/2021 at 6:36 PM, SilverFactory said:

I am a 46 year old man that has been never married and single for a very long time. I am originally from India.

Apart from dating apps I am also looking for women in Indian Matrimonial apps.

What dating apps are you using? You seem to be getting dates so your profile and pics and messages seem ok.

Have you tried updating your pics and profile to refresh? 

Make sure when you go on dates you look like your pics. Make sure you dress in updated casual attire, shower, shave, use mouthwash/ breath mints, smell nice, are on time, polite friends, etc.

If you are not getting second dates that's ok.

Stop putting pressure on yourself with matrimonial sites. There's plenty of culturally and religiously compatible women you can find on general dating apps. Have you considered paid app? 

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