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Ghosting and anxiety is ruining my dating life


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I can understand the anxiety. These days it definitely seems like if you have a date with someone but don't want to see them again then the 'normal' thing to do is ghost them.

But I'm like you, I tend to worry that I've done something really badly wrong in order to be ghosted, that I must have given off major red flags or acted in a way that was inconsiderate and inexcusable.

You get used to it I guess. I think the mix of old-fashioned gender roles and new ways of dating doesn't help though. Most guys I know still worry after a date 'what is the adequate length of time to avoid seeming too keen but also avoid seeming disinterested', many women I know still view taking the initiative regarding dating as the male prerogative. IMHO the dynamic is all wrong.

Edited by Carnatic
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When I dated I took the initiative all the time.  I let the men who wanted to date me ask me out on dates.  I did ask for first meets through online sites for the practical reasons that it wasn't a date and I had no time for chat buddies so I suggested meeting after the first phone call if he did not.  Back when I dated men who were into traditional dating -which was most of dating - might be flattered by being asked out on a date and they typically did not choose the woman who did so for a serious relationship.  I did ask men out. 

It was no big deal because I took initiative in other ways - rejection wasn't fun of course but no biggie overall.  For 99% of the 24 years I dated I was looking for a serious relationship.  Asking men out did work well for a casual date or a fling.  Maybe things have changed but anecdotally I'm not so sure (I stopped dating in 2005).  I do know of some women who prefer to be in a relationship where they have more control over the asking out, the progression to marriage etc.  More power to them!  I wasn't like that - I liked taking initiative and showing interest and found it worked better for the sort of men I was most attracted to to let them do the asking out especially in the beginning.  

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