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I have Type 2 Diabetes. When should I tell my dates about it?


SilverFactory
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I am a 46 year old man that has been never married and single for a very long time

I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes couple of years ago and been put on Metformin. Fortunately I do not have to inject insulin. Also, I am very mindful of my diet and get some physical activity daily

I have recently started getting some responses in dating apps and been talking to a couple of women. I met one woman 3 times in person and have been talking to another woman a few times over the phone. I am wondering when exactly should I mention about my diabetes. I obviously do not plan to hide it but just do not know when is a good time to tell it either. I am also very worried that it will drive them away.. 😕

One of the other woman that I just started talking to is actually a doctor, which means she must be very well aware of diabetes

Can you guys provide some advice?

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Just now, SilverFactory said:

I am a 46 year old man that has been never married and single for a very long time

I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes couple of years ago and been put on Metformin. Fortunately I do not have to inject insulin. Also, I am very mindful of my diet and get some physical activity daily

I have recently started getting some responses in dating apps and been talking to a couple of women. I met one woman 3 times in person and have been talking to another woman a few times over the phone. I am wondering when exactly should I mention about my diabetes. I obviously do not plan to hide it but just do not know when is a good time to tell it either. I am also very worried that it will drive them away.. 😕

One of the other woman that I just started talking to is actually a doctor, which means she must be very well aware of diabetes

Can you guys provide some advice?

The 3rd or 4th date. The first few dates are meant to be fun, and you shouldn't be giving out too much personal information to that degree, anyhow.

The first few dates are more a long the lines of..What's your favorite movies? Music? Hobbies.

But around the 3rd, 4th date is when you are finding out that this person either likes you enough to keep seeing you, or doesn't..whether there is attraction on both sides, or not, and whether you feel it's going somewhere, or not.

That's when maybe you can start talking about more in depth things, but not before that.

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2 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

The 3rd or 4th date. The first few dates are meant to be fun, and you shouldn't be giving out too much personal information to that degree, anyhow.

The first few dates are more a long the lines of..What's your favorite movies? Music? Hobbies.

But around the 3rd, 4th date is when you are finding out that this person either likes you enough to keep seeing you, or doesn't..whether there is attraction on both sides, or not, and whether you feel it's going somewhere, or not.

That's when maybe you can start talking about more in depth things, but not before that.

Thanks SherrySher

I was thinking if we are not mutually exclusive yet and just dating is it safe to tell regardless of the number of dates.. 

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9 minutes ago, SilverFactory said:

Thanks SherrySher

I was thinking if we are not mutually exclusive yet and just dating is it safe to tell regardless of the number of dates.. 

It's completely up to you.

If you feel it's information that should be shared more on an exclusive relationship, then wait.

On the other hand, if you feel you would rather tell someone a bit sooner, then again, my opinion would be around the 3rd, or 4th date.

I'm thinking exclusivity might take a lot longer than that, so maybe it's slightly too long.

May I ask why you're so concerned about telling someone about your diabetes? Do you feel they would be put off of dating you if they knew you dealt with it?

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3 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

May I ask why you're so concerned about telling someone about your diabetes? Do you feel they would be put off of dating you if they knew you dealt with it?

Yes, exactly that is my concern

I have been single forever and not married even once. So after all these years if I tell my dates that I have diabetes I am afraid they will stop seeing me. Women on dating apps have PLENTY of options and I am worried they will just drop me and pick someone else

 

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Just now, SilverFactory said:

Yes, exactly that is my concern

I have been single forever and not married even once. So after all these years if I tell my dates that I have diabetes I am afraid they will stop seeing me. Women on dating apps have PLENTY of options and I am worried they will just drop me and pick someone else

 

Not very quality women then if they refuse to accept a person for all of who they are.

No one is perfect, and everyone has their flaws and faults.

I, myself, don't find diabetes a deal breaker, or even something that would concern me.

I suspect lots of women would feel the same way.

As long as you're taking care of yourself, that's all that matters.

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2 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Not very quality women then if they refuse to accept a person for all of who they are.

No one is perfect, and everyone has their flaws and faults.

I, myself, don't find diabetes a deal breaker, or even something that would concern me.

I suspect lots of women would feel the same way.

As long as you're taking care of yourself, that's all that matters.

Oh that's very encouraging. Thanks Sherry

I just don't know how they will take it, especially one of them being a doctor that treats diabetes

I am obviously not planning on hiding it but just didn't know when to reveal something so personal like this either. I don't have much dating experience

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I agree you should wait at least until date 3-4 depending how they go.  If they are super long dates and things are going well then maybe the third date but don't wait to long so it looks like you are keeping it from them.

No need to do it sooner because there may not be a 2nd or 3rd date anyways if you two aren't a match.

Your diabetes doesn't define you so relax.

They may be more concerned you have never been married or in a long relationship.

 Don't force the info either. Bring it up in conversation perhaps when talking about you are and your date will be ordering for dinner.  "I would love to have __________ but it isn't good for my diabetes"  Keep it causal like it is no big deal and it probably won't be.

  Good luck

  Lost

Edited by lostandhurt
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I feel like if there comes a time when it can naturally be said in the conversation, that would be the best way to handle it.

A woman says she's a doc that treats diabetes?  you've been living with that for years. Why wouldn't you say it?

It's a part of you that they either accept or don't. It's not like you can change it. 

But that doesn't mean you have to say it as an opener. 

If you don't make a big deal of it, then they probably won't either. 

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Ok I have t2 diabetes and I take pills and insulin when I need it.  I am married so no problems with dates!  I would tell a date of my status about 3 or 4 dates in or if the subject comes up before that, then that's the time to mention it.

People dont really react when I mention I have t2.  Some ask questions about it or what do I eat or avoid eating, do I take meds.  I answer truthfully.  It's not a big deal to anyone but me.  Considering 13% of the population has it, it doesn't take long to find someone else in the same boat.

The doctor would of course know about diabetes and perhaps she may inquire about your control.  Dont make a big deal out of  it, it's a condition you have and  hopefully you know how to take care of yourself.

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6 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

They may be more concerned you have never been married or in a long relationship

Yep. That's much more concerning.

If you're handling your diabetes well,I don't think women would take it negatively. A lot of people have chronic illnesses. It's about what they do about them that matters.

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I like all the range of responses here.  If it were me I personally wouldn't care if you were taking care of yourself.  I had an acquaintance who was in her early 30s at the time and she said she wouldn't even date anyone with a history of diabetes in the family.  Or anyone with red hair.  Or anyone short.  She's in her 50s now.  Pretty sure she's single.  She's attractive, extremely smart and accomplished.  She's the type of person you want to avoid because to me if a woman won't date you because you have this diagnosis plus are handling it yourself (which is impressive on your part!) then my bet is she will have a number of other um nitpicky dealbreakers.

Now obviously there are exceptions - maybe there's something about diabetes a particular person knows she just can't handle -I mean I have no idea - maybe there are some good reasons.  But generally - I think you tell when you feel comfortable and I personally like the idea of 4th date - but if you say it later I don't think it's unfair or misleading or hiding something unless the person outright asks you or shares something where it comes up naturally.  

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13 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

I was thinking if we are not mutually exclusive yet and just dating is it safe to tell regardless of the number of dates.. 

Type 2 carries higher risk that your kids will also have diabetes so you should definitely disclose it if you plan something like that. But I dont see the need to disclose your medical history if you are not serious about the person you are dating. If it doesnt affect them and if its not serious(people live with diabetes for years, kid I train with has type 1 his whole life), or just doesnt come up in conversation, dont mention it to random dates. But they should definitely know for later. 

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10 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Type 2 carries higher risk that your kids will also have diabetes so you should definitely disclose it if you plan something like that. But I dont see the need to disclose your medical history if you are not serious about the person you are dating. If it doesnt affect them and if its not serious(people live with diabetes for years, kid I train with has type 1 his whole life), or just doesnt come up in conversation, dont mention it to random dates. But they should definitely know for later. 

I agree , I would really only bring it up if I wanted to be seriously or if having kids. Being you are 46 probably not too likely. There is a genetic component. My dad was diabetic and so am I. My brother isn’t but neither is our mother. 

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well if you keep working on yourself, physically and professionally, being diabetic is not something that will be a problem for the person who marries you or whom you date with.

Am dating a person now who is not diabetic but i keep myself fit with regular physical workouts and a alternate weekdays walk either morning or evening for around 6 miles or 10 km.

Just take care of yourself, be healthy, eat healthy, have nice hobbies and keep a learning, positive outlook towards life, help yourself to be in a healthy state of mind and body.Everything else just comes along with life.

Good luck on dating....remember the right one need not be the next one, you both will know.

 

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Thanks everyone for your valuable advice

So looks like the general consensus is around the 3rd or 4th date. I think I am going to pick the 4th date because I am meeting these women through dating apps and the first date is really not a date but rather a first meet

 

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I don't think it is a big deal as long as it's in control and you're taking good care of yourself. You seem afraid to tell someone so take comfort that it's not a life/death sentence and having diabetes doesn't define you. It's a part of you but if someone prefers not to date you because of it, it's their loss. You might feel more of a weight lifted off of you if you disclosed it earlier. 

 

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Really I find the only time it affects anything with other people is the choice of eating establishments. Do they have salads? Do they have a meat and vegetable and maybe a baked potato etc . Or maybe I am really tired that day. Sometimes being diabetic can make you pretty tired. Other than that if you are well controlled we have a good life expectancy and life . However, well controlled is the operative word. I am usually between 5.9 and 6 for my sugars with just diet and exercise. This past blood draw was 6.4 but the third shut down just did me in. So reduce my carbs and walk more . 

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11 hours ago, SilverFactory said:

Thanks everyone for your valuable advice

So looks like the general consensus is around the 3rd or 4th date. I think I am going to pick the 4th date because I am meeting these women through dating apps and the first date is really not a date but rather a first meet

 

Yes.  I meant to comment.  I find it very thoughtful of you even to consider sharing and being so careful about when is the right time.  I realize also you want to avoid scaring someone off but I see your whole intention as a thoughtful one.  Good luck!

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I know people with diabetes and it doesn't seem to impact their life that severely. They have to mind what they eat, and for some of them check their sugar level and maybe have an insulin injection now and then. Unless there's more to it than that, it's not a huge deal for the other person, I think. If you don't have more severe symptoms, I don't think anyone worth your time would refuse to date you because of it. 

I wouldn't volunteer the information on the first date, because first date should be for fun stuff only, but do volunteer it early on if it worries you. However, I would advise against making a big deal out of it. If you make it sound like it's a big reveal and you're nervous about it, the other person may worry that there's more to it than just having diabetes. So be casual about it.

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37 minutes ago, WalterSobcha said:

I know people with diabetes and it doesn't seem to impact their life that severely. They have to mind what they eat, and for some of them check their sugar level and maybe have an insulin injection now and then. Unless there's more to it than that, it's not a huge deal for the other person, I think. If you don't have more severe symptoms, I don't think anyone worth your time would refuse to date you because of it. 

I wouldn't volunteer the information on the first date, because first date should be for fun stuff only, but do volunteer it early on if it worries you. However, I would advise against making a big deal out of it. If you make it sound like it's a big reveal and you're nervous about it, the other person may worry that there's more to it than just having diabetes. So be casual about it.

Well, there is more to it than the occasional insulin now and again. It is an ALL Day , every meal concerted effort in being careful about what you eat and exercise. Some people take pill medications injected medication‘s daily or many times a day. Diabetes can cause heart disease, stroke ,blindness, limb loss , neural atrophy etc etc . It is not a nothing illness. My dad is dead due to it. It has many complications if you’re not extremely careful. 
 

For  instance though I’m the only diabetic in my family so I watch people eat chips, I watch people eat donuts ,I watch people eat cake and I can’t have any of those things so it’s a hard thing to watch. I can’t even eat bread so watching  people eat toast in the morning is not fun. And I am only diet and exercise controlled not even someone who has severe diabetes. And once you are diabetic it never goes away. 

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