My father is cheating on my mother....

[sarameldrin]

And it's not the first time. He was never once faithful to her. That's how me and my sister have grown up. Watching a broken family act as though we are alright and happy. My mum says she's fine with it as long as we are grown up and keeps reassuring that it doesn't affect her now, but I can tell it does. She just doesn't want to bring in the matter of divorce due to various reasons. 

 

But I'm tired of pretending. I feel like this is going to be my whole life. A home that has no real emotions to express. We can't even say it to him that we know since he becomes more careful and just hides it better. 

 

I feel like I'm carrying this huge burden on my shoulders. I can't even tell any of my friends, cause guess what? I haven't made any friendships close or strong or long enough to share such thoughts. I don't have friends who would care if I did share. They'd probably just throw some pity and move on. 

 

I have an exam in two days. And I can't even focus that well. I must be crazy, right? 

Edited September 25, 2021 by sarameldrin

[Wiseman2]

Do you live at home? How old are you?

Your parents marriage is not your responsibility. Stay out of it.

If you are having difficulties at school talk to a trusted teacher or advisor or counselor.

If you are depressed or anxious ask your mother to take you to a physician.

Try to focus on your own endeavors:

 

[sarameldrin]

I'm attending uni rn. But living at home.  

And yes it's not my business. 

But you see, I can't use that excuse to ignore what I'm feeling and what is happening in my house. It's not easy. 

I'm sorry to say this but it's not a black and white thing like as long as I don't need to see a physician, I'm fine...... 

I thank you for replying and reminding me I have  more important stuff but I already know that, thanks to the upcoming exam. And I'm not a kid that is barging in on someone else's matter. I'm just tired of the environment I was forced to grow up in even though I know there's no solution to this. 

I'm just tired that some people think it's okay to create a broken family and assume it's not going to affect anyone emotionally. Like I can just move on and be an emotionless regular at a psychotherapy clinic. 

 

I admit this got a bit rude. But I'm not in the best mood. I hope you understand. 

 

[Rose Mosse]

It's not ok.

Acknowledge what's going on but refuse to dwell on it. That's a conscious choice on your part. Completing university and graduating and getting out on your own is your priority. Nothing you say or do will change the situation. As soon as you accept that you cannot change it, you'll start to realize there are other things you can change such as doing better at school and moving out. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[catfeeder]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

For my own mental health, I'd consider several things:

1) I'd credit my mother, as a fully grown adult, to choose her own degree of concern and her own choice of arrangement with my father. I'd make an internal pledge to avoid contributing strife for my Mom by raising this issue with her any further--she's given me her answer, and I need to respect it--and HER.

2) What can I do as a member of my Mom's household to make HER life easier and more cheerful? I can bring light to her life, I can be helpful around the house, I can help her with errands and make them fun, I can treat her to girlie time and do stuff with her.

3) I can remind myself that living with my parents beyond graduating high school has been voluntary rather than a sentence. I am free to leave and live wherever I wish--and so nobody OWES me any behaviors that cater to MY definition of morality.

4) I am responsible for developing MY SELF socially, spiritually, financially and creatively. I will not use my upbringing as an excuse or a distraction from moving my focus where it belongs, on THIS.

Head high, and move TOWARD something that will make you proud of your resilience and accomplishments rather than opt to stagnate in a focus that is unproductive.

[SooSad33]

Sorry you've had to experience this 😕 . Was not fair on your mom, no... but she chose to stay ( when many people split up after a cheating spouse).

Sadly, it has affected YOU though.. is she aware of this?

I do suggest some therapy, especially if you feel really dragged down by this experience. Never anything wrong with that.

I agree as mentioned.. try to get back to finish your studies so you can get on with your own life/future.

And is maybe best to consider getting out of that 'negative' surrounding, sooner the better.

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, sarameldrin said:

I admit this got a bit rude.

Yes indeed you are. If you need help contact people at your college.

[redswim30]

Your parents marriage is their business.  If it works for your mom, then that's her choice- not yours. 

Seek counseling for your own issues and move out of your parents house. 

 

[Seraphim]

I think the answer here it is time to move out . There is also zero wrong with therapy or mental health. If you had a broken leg you wouldn’t say , oh forget it I don’t want to be a regular at the doctor’s office. Being an RN I hope you come to realize mental health is just as important as physical health. 

[Honeycomb8]

Move out. 

You can't help a parent if they refuse to remove themselves from the situation itself.